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Rio Ferdinand and Wes Brown get candid

Robbie Keane starts the conspiracy theories rolling
[The Sun]

… And the Irish justice minister demands … justice
[Telegraph]

Player gets carded for farting in ref’s face
[Mirror]

Fan fined £120k for Sweden/Denmark pitch invasion
[The Sun]

Atletico Madrid are on the brink of accepting £40m for Aguero
[Guardian]

Yuri Zhirkov’s knees are struggling with the UK weather
[Daily Star]

Like it really matters

Robbie Keane knows a thing or two about the bench, having of course parked himself on one at Liverpool for six months. So when he talks about them, thespoiler listens.

Having realised trying to claim Spurs have a better team, manager, ground, history or support than Arsenal was ludicrous, Robbie decided to attack the Gunners where it hurts - the all-important sub selection. Keane told the London Evening Standard:

“You look at the two squads and we’re definitely on a par. It will be judged at the end of the season but if you look at the bench we have, it is probably a little bit stronger than their bench.”

Indeed, the North London derby this Saturday should provide a perfect opportunity for Keane to test his theory, when with ten minutes left, and three goals ahead, Wenger turns to his bench to rest key players ahead of the midweek fixture.

But is Keano right? Here are the two benches for the most recent league games:

Tottenham’s bench v Stoke: Michael Dawson, Jermaine Jenas, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Alan Hutton, Carlo Cudicini, Gareth Bale, Kyle Naughton
Arsenal’s bench v West Ham: Nicklas Bendtner, Eduardo, Manuel Almunia, Mikael Silvestre, Samir Nasri, Aaron Ramsey, Kieran Gibbs

Vote now:

Jermaine Jenas gets the Pimp Juice flowing at nuptial celebration

Thanks to his pre-pubescent appearance, The Spoiler was under the impression that Jermaine Jenas was only eleven or twelve years old. It turns out he’s actually been doing it with girls for ages (sexy evidence here and here) and he will soon be getting married.

In order to celebrate his imminent union with ladyfriend Ellie Penfold, the Tottenham midfielder organised a grotesque celebration befitting of a young man who brings home more than £50,000 each week. Teammates including Peter Crouch and Robbie Keane attended the glitzy do and busted out some karaoke, but the highlight was a special appearance from Nelly. The superstar American rapper serenaded the couple, probably using the same irritating melody that he sings on every single one of his songs.

Nelly’s feelings may have been a little hurt when Jenas fiancée admitted a desire to be entertained by a frequent and habitual drug user on her big day:

“I’d like all my family and friends to be there in a big country house. Oh and I’d like Amy Winehouse to sing.”

To see pictures of the engagement do, click here.

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Robbie Keane to Aston Villa
With the arrival of Peter Crouch and the ongoing pursuit of Klaas Jan Huntelaar at Spurs, the Daily Mail are speculating that Robbie Keane may pack up his bindle for the second consecutive summer. The team they have plucked from the air is Villa, who would have to match his £70,000-a-week wages.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Keane may not get on the team sheet every single week, but we can’t see him moving anywhere before the season starts.

Elano to Galatasaray
Despite being chased by both Milan clubs, the unwanted Citizen has moved to Turkey for a fee of around £8m.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: He’s on the front

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Ahead of the Wembley Tournament Thingy, Barca president Joan Laporta shows his mad keep-up skills
[101GG]

Robbie Keane kicks off Tottenham’s annual pre-season high expectations by saying they can break the Big Four
[Football365]

The top five worst directors of football
[Off The Post]

Free Pies!
[Sports Jouralists]

David Beckham denies putting his LA pad on the market
[Guardian]

Harry Redknapp eyes up Richard Dunne
[Tribal Football]

Friday YouTube treat: A dog on a bicycle
[Warming Glow]

Should he move to Chelsea or Liverpool or stay at Portsmouth?

Peter Storrie has confirmed that Portsmouth have accepted an offer from Chelsea for Glen Johnson, meaning that the England international has a big decision to make. Should he:

a) Go back to Chelsea
Johnson would get to play Champions League football again and settling in wouldn’t be a problem because he already knows the club and many of the players. However, he has said that he fell out of love with football during his first spell at Stamford Bridge and there is a danger that could happen again.

b) Move to Liverpool
Liverpool were the first team to stump up the cash for Johnson and at Anfield he would have the chance to both play in Europe and make Chelsea regret selling him. Rafael Benitez isn’t very patient with new signings though - see Robbie Keane - and full-back is the least secure position at the club, as Steve Finnan harshly discovered last summer.

c) Stay at Portsmouth
He has rediscovered his love of football at Fratton Park and is guaranteed first-team football there, which is a necessity ahead of the World Cup. With a new owner and manager set to arrive, there is potential for the club to grow, although if it all falls through they could face another relegation battle

Let us know what you think he should do with a vote and comment below:

A chance to get excited months before anything actually happens

Tottenham have finally been granted their wish to kick-off a Premier League campaign at home but Liverpool will be the visitors for their first opener at White Hart Lane since 2004.

Spurs fans can take some comfort though from the fact Arsenal have been given a challenging away game on the opening weekend against Everton.

Wolves are the only promoted side who start at home - against West Ham - and the last five to have done so have avoided defeat. Every new arrival who has opened their campaign on the road over the last three seasons has lost and Birmingham and Burnley face tough trips to Man United and Stoke.

The latest transfer news, gossip and damned lies

Robinho to Barcelona
The Brazilian forward has responded to speculation that the treble winners could be interested in signing him by telling Spanish newspaper Sport: “Barcelona are a great team and everybody would love to play for them.”

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Financially, there is no pressure on Manchester City to sell so Robinho is only likely to leave if Mark Hughes feels he can get someone better in.

Heurelho Gomes to PSV
In 90% of Spurs’ games last season, Gomes was one of Spurs’ best players and a vital part of the best home defence in the Premier League. However, The Mirror only remember the mistakes and expect him to be offloaded to fund a