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Today’s links come sprinkled with a generous helping of classic Weezer. The first person to identify the football kit in the video wins the prestigious ‘Incredibly Easy Competition’ competition 

FIFA demand a gender test for Fernando Torres
[NewsArse]

Luis Figo really ought to leave the chest wax alone for a little while
[Kickette]

Professor Wenger is ready for Old Trafford
[Sky Sports]

Glenn Hoddle says David Beckham would ‘thrive at Chelsea’
[The Telegraph]

Robert Huth is on his way to Stoke
[Goal.com]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Stephen Warnock to Aston Villa
The Mirror say Sam Allardyce has handed Martin O’Neill “The Warnock Ultimatum”. It’s not a Robert Ludlum novel, but rather a 48-hour deadline to snap up the left back.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Balckburn want a little more than the £8m Villa are offering, but we think it will go through before Blackburn’s League Cup bout with Gillingham tomorrow.

Some sort of defender to Everton
After their thoroughly crappy start to the new campaign and the imminent loss of Joleon ‘bad attitude’ Lescott to Manchester City, The Toffees are looking at a number of options to strengthen their back line, say The Times. Bolton’s Gary Cahill and Boro’s David Wheater and Robert Huth are said to be in consideration, for no real reason other than that they have been linked with some other clubs over the summer.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Everton definitely need fresh blood, but landing

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Can you spot the Premier League owner in this picture?
[Dirty Tackle]

Xabi Alonso finally gets on with it and submits a transfer request
[Guardian]

Chelsea haven’t given up on Franck Ribery
[The Telegraph]

500 Peruvian footballers resign from the national team - we had no idea they had such a big squad
[The Offside]

Robert Huth to Fulham?
[Goal.com]

WAG Danielle Lloyd is not unattractive at the beach
[NewsToob]