Coming to a computer near you

Ballboy nonchalantly plays tricks on Jens Lehmann, who surprisingly is not amused.
( 101gg )

Modern Turkish medicine at last recognises the kiss as a valid form of healing
( Dirty Tackle )

They take their warm-ups seriously in Turkey
( 101gg )

The real reason Boro opted for Strachan
( Off the Post )

And disciplinary hearings, Israeli-style
( 101gg )

It’s nowhere near the January window, but the rumour vines are ripe for picking…

Roberto Carlos to Real Madrid
After two-and-a-half seasons with Fenerbahçe, the Brazilian has announced he will leave Turkey in December. He has told Spanish paper AS that he would like to return to his homeland to play, but would be willing to join Madrid from January to June without pay.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Marcelo - who played terribly last weekend - should be quaking in his boots.

Emmanuel Eboue to Barcelona
The Sun believe the Catalan giants are lining up a £7m bid for the Arsenal right-back, as they need cover for Dani Alves. They also claim Eboue is in demand as Barca have failed to sign Dmytro Chygrynskiy, which is rather puzzling as the Ukraine international is a centre-back who signed a five-year deal with the club in August and made his debut against Getafe.

Defender reveals sufficiently ridiculous excuse for departure

Having maintained radio silence for a couple of days after his shock one game exit from Notts County last week, Sol Campbell chose to explain himself yesterday in an exclusive interview with the News of the World. Most impressively, the defender managed to keep a straight face throughout:

I knew I would be the club’s first big signing but was told I would be the first of many. Names like Roberto Carlos and Benjani were mentioned - now that would have been a statement of intent. But, for whatever reason, it didn’t happen. And all I will say is that you know when people have money because things happen and they happen quickly.

Yes, some crazy person had enough free time to make this

Admittedly, Sister Act/ footballer mash-ups are exactly common, but this is by far the best example we’ve seen. Stick with it until (2.40) for an angelic Cristiano Ronaldo solo.

[Dirty Tackle]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

As you peruse today’s links, enjoy this classic effort from Roberto Carlos

Some great money making tips for tonight’s Premier League ties
[chickendinner]

The Who to perform at the 2009 Australian Grand Prix
[Grid Crasher]

David Beckham is messing up the LA Galaxy’s plans
[BBC]

Bild consider the Champions League’s sexiest wives
[Bild]

Rafa is expecting a Peter Crouch backlash tonight
[Football 365]

Jose Mourinho gets a haircut
[Kickette]

Ever wondered what Robinho spends his gigantic pay cheque on? Wonder no more…
[Unprofessional Foul]

Fenerbahce/ Arsenal, ITV1, 7.45pm, Free £10 bet

[Roberto Carlos - unfazed by Arsenal’s visit]

Despite coming from behind to beat Everton, Arsenal are far from  their best and in recent years trips to Turkey have proven even more daunting than playing in the San Siro or the Nou Camp for the Big Four. Here’s why the betting genii at chickendinner believe Arsenal are in danger of being the latest Premier League side to come home from Turkey empty-handed…

» English clubs have lost their last four Champions League away games against Turkish opposition. Manchester United lost 3-0 in Fenerbahce in 2004-05, Liverpool lost 3-2 to Galatasaray in 2006-07 and 2-1 to Besiktas last season while Chelsea lost 2-1 in Fenerbahce six months ago.

» Despite starting this season slowly, Fenerbahce have only lost once at home, which means that in total they have now lost just three of their last 52 league and European home games.

» Their last European home defeat came in November 2005