Trading in gossip and rumour is fun, kids

An international tournament is very nearly upon us which can only mean one thing: it’s time for Cristiano Ronaldo to piss off England. At the 2006 World Cup, the C-Ron Likeability-ometer took a Big Brother villain-esque plunge following his winking tactics, and after his recent disloyal comments and impending departure, the tricky winger’s popularity will experience a similar fall. Despite the inflated importance of the C-Ron debate, the rumour mills have been turning elsewhere…

James Milner to Liverpool
Really? Until recently it didn’t look like Rafa Benitez had even heard of English players let alone ones nowhere near getting into the national team.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We can just about believe Barry, but not Milner

Frank Rijkaard or Roberto Mancini to Chelsea
The Blues have decided that it might be a good idea to interview the only two guys that haven’t said no to the Chelsea job before they decide Blackburn might be a better option.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Definitely two of the frontrunners. Maybe.

Joe Lewis to Everton
It’s amazing what being part of the England squad can do to your valuation. Apparently Peterborough’s goalkeeper wasn’t just brought along for a laugh and is actually worth three million.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Have Everton even got three million?

Eidur Gudjohnsen to Newcastle or West Ham
Another transfer window opens and again Barcelona

If Jose Mourinho doesn’t chomp on their generously baited hook first

Reports from Italy are claiming that Inter have offered World’s Number One Ladies Detective unemployed manager Jose Mourinho a place to hang his expensive raincoat next season, and have placed a piece of paper upon a four-legged item of furniture agreeing to compensate him handsomely for the inconvenience. The sum involved is said to be £4 million a year for the next four years.

There is, however, an obstacle. Inter have a couple of chaps by the name of Mr Branca and Mr Oriali who make all the decisions about who to sign, who to sell, how much to pay them, and so forth, decisions which Jose Mourinho is likely to want to make himself, having personally experienced the burning humiliation of having unwanted players foisted upon him before. Mr Branca and Mr Oriali are good friends of Inter owner Massimo Moratti.

Should the Mourinho project flounder, the name Rafa Benitez is next on the list. It can’t have escaped Mr Moratti’s attention that while