The whisper from today’s knitting circles…

Peter Kenyon triumphantly told everyone that Robinho would arrive within 48 hours on Wednesday and Frank Lampard told the press that the Brazilian was “fantastic”, but then a couple of Real Madrid targets - Valencia’s David Villa and Villarreal’s Santi Cozorla – decided to stay put, so now it looks like the light-footed winger will be zooming down the wings in sunny Spain after all. Joe Cole - permission to stop sweating.

Henrik Larsson to Tottenham
Andrei Arshavin has conceded there is little chance of him moving to Spurs this summer, which leaves the North London club searching through the thousandth page of their striker shortlist. Henrik Larsson is today’s target, but Everton are also interested.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s 37 next month, but Spurs can’t afford to be too picky right now.

The whispers from the grapevine…

While Joe Cole sits silently in his mansion, lonely tears spattering newspaper reports insisting that Robinho is on his way over to spoil his Chelsea party, everyone else is having a great time! Here’s today’s transfer news…

Jonathan de Guzman to Arsenal
A lot of Arsenal fans are worried that, Cesc Fabregas aside, their midfield would be better served by a clan of sopping wet flannels and a sponge. So what better way to calm their addled minds than by signing Canadian-born Dutchman de Guzman, who sounds a bit like the podgy Hollywood tough guy Luis Guzman? Nice move, Wengertron.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Arsenal fans won’t hold their breath.

Mido staying put
After cutting out the carbs and only surviving on *egg yokes, spinach leaves and tofurkey (like tofu, but turkey), Mido looks great, and has scored in his first three games this season. Hence, the bruisers at Wigan are keen to have him bring a little sparkle to their dressing room, but Gareth Southgate has told him he’s going nowhere. Not yet.

Today’s transfer rumours, gossip and damned lies

It’s being reported in today’s Guardian that Chelsea and Real Madrid have agreed a fee of £28.6 million for Robinho. Considering the Brazilian has already stated his desire to join the Blues, we could find ourselves in the unusual situation of actually a seeing a transfer follow weeks of speculation -  eat your heart out Ronaldo, Lampard, Adebayor and Barry sagas!

Shaun Wright-Phillips is spoilt for choice
It looks like Chelsea’s unloved winger is ready to follow the Robinho example, too. For a long time, Portsmouth were favourites to sign Wright-Phillips but then they realised they had no money, so it’s either Everton or Manchester City who will welcome SWP into their family.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Both represent good career moves but his glorious Manchester City past may see him lean towards them

Roman Pavlyuchenko to Spurs
It’s no secret that Spurs are in

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Name of the Day: Anyone who saw AFC Wimbledon demolish Bromley in the Blue Square Conference South yesterday will have noticed a feature on a rather unfortunately-named lady player in the matchday programme

Chelsea close in on Robinho
[Football 365]

Carling Cup betting: Newcastle available at evens to beat Coventry
[chickendinner]

NSFW Picture fun: Olympic beauty Leryn Franco on the catwalk
[Bild]

Totally Random: Ten semi-ridiculous celebrity advertisements
[Uncoached]

An interview with Senor Fabregas
[Guardian via The Offside]

Brazilian probably won’t be kissing his badge in Spain any more

Brazilian man-’o-sex Robinho is determined to push Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Barry all the way with a late charge to make his prolonged transfer saga the most irritating of the summer. The winger told Spanish news agency EFE:

“I want to leave. I’ve told the president, the directors and the coach. I want to play in the Premier League. Chelsea have a great squad, a great team and their offer is good for me and for the team.”

Real Madrid have announced that the player is not for sale, but it’s hard to see Chelsea heeding that warning after the Spanish club spent most of the summer ignoring similar proclamations from Manchester United about Ronaldo.

Elsewhere in footballnewsland…

Daniel Agger sets Liverpool up for a fall
Liverpool’s Danish defender Daniel Agger

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

While Manchester City have saved themselves a tidy sum of money by avoiding Ronaldinho, Chelsea appear to have finally folded their hand in regards to costly bench warmer Andriy Shevchenko. The Ukrainian is on the verge of being adored at AC Milan once again, as the Blues plan to shift him out on loan. They are so desperate to free up his place on the team coach that they will continue to pay his £130,000 a week wages in full.

Roque Santa Cruz to Aston Villa
Manchester City have tried and failed to prize Santa Cruz from Paul Ince, and now it seems that it’s Aston Villa’s turn to try their luck. Villa have reportedly launched a £16m bid for the Paraguayan in the hope that Blackburn will suddenly decide that selling their best striker

Also appearing on a computer near you…



According to Football365, Brazilian man-o’-sex Robinho won’t be gracing the Premier League this season

Anna Kournikova is back doing what she does best: modelling
[Maxim]

Mika Hakkinen is now going out with a stripper
[Grid Crasher]

Betting on the Olympics or the Premier League? Fancy a £30 punt for free?
[Ladbrokes]

Bild are very wisely devoting time to former Miss Paraguay contestant and Olympic javelin star Leryn Franco
[Bild]

Some wise words on the crappiness of the transfer window
[The Offside]

Six qualities Fabio Capello looks for in an England captain
[Pies]

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Those who remember being told off as a child for always wanting what they couldn’t have will sympathise with Chelsea’s current predicament. AC Milan are practically begging The Blues to take Kaka off their hands, in exchange for £70 million of course, but their gaze is fixed firmly on Brazilian man-o’-sex Robinho, who is being kept under lock and chain in Madrid. Kaka has always been considered the better of the two, but that crazy mofo Scolari and his Russian backer may think otherwise.

Shaun Wright-Phillips to Portsmouth
Some managers like to speak in code about their transfer targets, dropping hints but making the press do the hard work. Not Harry Redknapp. He’s made it clear all summer that he wants Ian Wright’s favourite Chelsea player at Fratton Park and

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Chelsea have confirmed making a bid for Brazilian man-o’-sex Robinho (rumoured to be worth £19.7 million) but find themselves frustrated with Real Madrid’s failure to find a replacement, which is currently holding up proceedings. With Cristiano Ronaldo staying put and Wesley Sneijder out injured, this saga could be far from completion.

Kevin Doyle to Sunderland
Things were going great for Doyle. He impressed during his first Premier League season then was even linked with a move to Chelsea. What followed? A run of 21 games without a goal! Fear not though, Roy Keane is ready to offer him a second chance.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Sunderland and Doyle could prove a good match

Younes Kaboul to Aston Villa
Martin O’Neill has already signed

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

The Mirror are reporting that Liverpool are finally prepared to pay Aston Villa £18 million. Further proof arrived this morning when a Kiss 100 DJ revealed that he saw Barry in a nightclub this weekend and the deal will go through on Wednesday. Concrete evidence, folks.

David Villa to Tottenham
While Liverpool lift up the couch cushions to count pennies, Spurs are ready to take their summer spending over the £50 million mark by bring in Villa for £32 million and attempting to snare Man City defender Vedran Corluka for £9.5 million. Berbatov may make way to raise the funds.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A deceptively shrewd summer for Spurs, with their net spend currently about £10 million, despite the big signings

Robinho latest
With no sign of progress, it was decided that Chelsea