Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

While Manchester City have saved themselves a tidy sum of money by avoiding Ronaldinho, Chelsea appear to have finally folded their hand in regards to costly bench warmer Andriy Shevchenko. The Ukrainian is on the verge of being adored at AC Milan once again, as the Blues plan to shift him out on loan. They are so desperate to free up his place on the team coach that they will continue to pay his £130,000 a week wages in full.

Roque Santa Cruz to Aston Villa
Manchester City have tried and failed to prize Santa Cruz from Paul Ince, and now it seems that it’s Aston Villa’s turn to try their luck. Villa have reportedly launched a £16m bid for the Paraguayan in the hope that Blackburn will suddenly decide that selling their best striker

The players who form the backbone of the top flight

On Wednesday, we brought you the Pepe Reina-free Big Four XI, and today it’s time to look at the best of the rest. The likes of Jo and Luka Modric have been excluded as we’ve yet to see how they adapt to Premier League football. Plus, there’s no Dimitar Berbatov because we’re assuming he’s off to Old Trafford, or maybe the Nou Camp.

Shay Given (Newcastle)
Why Given over James, Friedel and Howard, you ask? Well, the other three can always rely on their defence for support which is a luxury that the Newcastle goalkeeper has never been blessed with. The Irishman is the only man this century to twice wear the number one jersey in the PFA’s Team of the Year.

Gareth Bale (Tottenham)
The young left-back was one of Spurs’ only solid performers at the start of the last campaign before an injury in December ruled him out for the rest of the season. The Welshman also boasted an impressive scoring record with three goals in nine domestic starts.

Richard Dunne (Manchester City)
Despite his error last night, the Irishman is one of the best defenders

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

It’s the tabloids’ final day of transfer gossiping before they actually have some football to report on, so they’re pulling out all their top nonsense. Read on to find out which club hope to scupper Manchester City’s bid for Roque Santa Cruz, and which world class striker Chelsea are chasing today…

Roque Santa Cruz to Tottenham
Manchester City took Blackburn’s stern refusal to sell the Paraguayan striker as a sign they are haggling for more money and are prepared to increase their offer, but Spurs are reportedly ready to trump the Citizens and pair Santa Cruz with Darren Bent next season.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Spurs need another striker but Ince will be reluctant to sell

Daniel Sturridge to Chelsea
The Blues were apparently so impressed with Sturridge’s failure to score in Manchester City’s home defeat to FC Midtylland last night that they feel he could be the new Andriy Shevchenko, with an £8 million

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

Spurs will demand a further £4 million for Dimitar Berbatov just because they are upset that the press told everyone a deal was imminent, according to the Daily Mirror. Maybe they picked up this shrewd fiscal technique from Charlton, who somehow managed to drive Darren Bent’s price up to £16.5 million…

Frederic Kanoute and Andrei Arshavin to Tottenham
It’s not time for mourning at White Hart Lane because they are already busy plotting which big names they will bring in to replace the sulking striker. Arshavin is still high on the wish list and Kanoute is also linked with a return to the club.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It could happen; Kanoute has played for Spurs and worked with Ramos

Roque is going to stay
Paul Ince insisted he would do his utmost to keep David Bentley

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Whereas bit-part players like Wayne Bridge are being made to feel like superstars, Chelsea fans’ Player of the Year Joe Cole apparently doesn’t know where he stands with Luiz Felipe Scolari. Liverpool desperately need wingers and are thought to have expressed interest, although a transfer would appear highly unlikely, at least until that whole Gareth Barry kerfuffle is sorted out.

Stephen Warnock to Newcastle
Titus Bramble and Stephen Carr prove that Newcastle’s purchases of British defenders haven’t been too hot recently, but a move for Warnock could change all that. Warnock shone at Blackburn last season and received his first England cap this summer.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Ince would rather avoid selling a regular this close to the season starting

Stephen Appiah to Portsmouth
Harry Redknapp looks likely to beat former club West Ham to the signature of the headline makers dream. Look out over the next few days for the tabloid headline: “Pompey couldn’t be Appiah about new signing”.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Strong

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Yesterday, David Villa was supposed to be ushered into White Hart Lane for a cool £32 million, but today all the talk is about Dean Ashton and how they won’t pay West Ham’s £18 million asking price (quite right, too). Fear not though, Spurs fans, Juande Ramos has now decided Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan is the right man for the job, according to the journos fishing for a story experts at The Mirror…

Louis Saha to West Ham
The Irons are another side actively trying to bring in another striker, but the Daily Mail reports that they want to wait until the Frenchman’s knee injury clears up before making an offer. Perhaps they don’t want any outside help in their bid to retain the Physio Room Injury League title.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Saha may prefer the ex-United haven at Sunderland, while

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

The maths genii at The Daily Star are ahead of the game once more, reporting that if Liverpool cave and pay £18 million for Barry, Villa will use the money to sign David Bentley (who last time we heard was valued at £15 million alone), Anton Ferdinand and Steve Sidwell. And apparently there’s spare change from all that to buy a new keeper too. The Spoiler’s calculator puts that shopping list somewhere around the £30million mark….

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
Once upon a time Arsenal signed Nicolas Anelka for £500,000 then sold him for £22.3 million two years later. It looks like Arsene Wenger will be rich again as Barcelona have reportedly offered £30 million for top scorer Adebayor.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: An offer perhaps too good to turn down

Roque Santa Cruz to Arsenal

Wenger already has a replacement lined up, probably for less than half of the money they can make on Adebayor. Paul Ince has said Cruz will stay put, but Arsenal are ready to test Blackburn’s resolve.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Blackburn will drive a hard bargain

Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
Real Madrid have generously

The Red Devils may have an extra £80m to play with

After exposing the gaps the five London clubs and the Prem newbies need to fill, we have now condiered the manner in which Manchester Utd and Liverpool should redistribute their cash this summer…

Manchester Utd

Top priority:
The best deal for Ronaldo - If he wants out, get shot of him. If United demand big money, Real Madrid are likely to agree and if not, they keep him.
Fergie should demand Wesley Sneijder, who has outperformed Ronaldo at the Euros, in exchange and then use the remaining money to buy another striker.

Fitting the bill: Wesley Sneijder, Dani Guiza, Luis Fabiano, Dimitar Berbatov

Liverpool

Top priority:
A quality winger - Liverpool already boast Gerrard, Mascherano, Alonso, Lucas and Plessis in central midfield so it’s confusing that they make Barry the main priority. Babel is quality, but Kuyt’s a striker and Benayoun and Pennant aren’t good enough.

Fitting the bill: Aiden McGeady, Franck Ribery, Robinho, David Bentley

Spoiler bonus: Here’s who should be on the shopping lists of the other two Merseyside and Manchester clubs…

Everton

Top priority:
A new Lee Carsley -

Today’s transfer gossip, as made up by the national press

When he isn’t pissing off Liverpool, growing face art or aggravating wealthy Americans, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez enjoys nothing more than having kitchenware modelled on the shape of his cranium. The image above is from Wikipedia, so it must be true - much like the following speculation from sports desks around the country:

Yossi Benayoun to Everton
Twelve months ago Benayoun pledged to sign a new deal at West Ham before mysteriously being provoked into a change of heart. It looks like he’s fed up at Anfield now, but is he bored of Merseyside?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Everton call it “fantasy”, we’re not so sure either

James Milner to Liverpool
Aston Villa want Milner, but because they’re not letting Liverpool steal Gareth Barry without a fight, Benitez is pretending he wants Milner to hike his price up. Rafa, you big bully.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be the next Jermaine Pennant

Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan
The Italian press say Adebayor has told Arsenal he wants to leave. Can you blame him? After all he scored 30 goals this season and still failed to win over certain factions of the Gunners faithful.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Believes he’ll stay put

Kaka to Chelsea
Do the maths. Brazilian managers must sign the best Brazilian players, right? Scolari played

All of today’s rumours…

Casting a double act correctly is an exact science. The great ones - Morecambe and Wise, The Two Ronnies - relied on their hilarious differences to make people laugh. Ronnie Corbett was a tiny little thing, while Ronnie Barker was a big fatso - brilliant! Morecambe wore glasses, while Wise stood silently beside him with a straight unbespectacled, haunted, face. Some double acts, however, are just far too similar to work. We are, of course, referring to Hoddle and Waddle in the 1980s. It was never going to succeed. Not a single person could tell them apart. One unlikely double act that might shock us all, however, is the zany pairing of old man Hughes and little David Bentley…

David Bentley to Manchester City
The barking mad word on the street is that wherever silver haired Hughes goes, blabbermouth Bentley follows. Today, it’s destination Man City, but everyone knows they’ll both be at Chelsea come next week.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Chelsea beckons

Roque Santa Cruz to Manchester
With the walls tumbling down at Blackburn, Sir Alex is looking to slide in and pick up the tearful foreign players - starting with Santa Cruz for £15 million.