Striker helps show rival to the door at Eastlands…

Is Roque Santa Cruz greasing up the wheels of Robinho’s winter transfer to Barcelona? Man City’s £18m striker put the jinking Brazilian right in it during a recent radio interview with Catalunya Radio, by announcing Robinho regularly reminds his teammates he’d rather being doing his jinking alongside Lionel Messi than, er, Roque Santa Cruz:

Of course he talks to us about it. And the players are cracking jokes about it in the dressing room.

In the English papers there’s a lot of interest about Barca and Robinho is also not hiding his desire to play for them one day. But I guess we’ll see.

The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable

As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!

GK - Joe Hart
(Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.

DF - Joleon Lescott
(Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.

DF - Kyle Naughton
(Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.

The players who won’t make the grade at their new clubs

In the spirit of writing people off at an unreasonably early stage of the season, we asked Spoiler correspondent Joe Thompson to list the top ten newbies who are likely to struggle in 2009/10. Thankfully, he obliged…

Alberto Aquilani
(Roma to Liverpool, £20m)
‘What?! I’ve seen him on YouTube, he’s a maestro! Great vision, long range shooting! Like Gerrard with nice hair!’ True, but he’s also crocked enough to make Darren Anderton look like The Terminator. In all competitions, he’s made 90 starts in five seasons. Look at the YouTube compilations again, he’s got a different haircut in every clip. OK, he’s Italian - it proves nothing- but he doesn’t play much. At £20m, Benitez has taken a massive gamble. By the time he plays it’ll be nearly Christmas, and a crunching (or even soft) tackle away at Stoke or Bolton might mean he’s glad to get back to the comfort of the treatment room.

Ronald Zubar
(Marseille to Wolves, undisclosed)
Very few players are immortalised in a football expression– The ‘Cruyff’ Turn, The ‘Blanco’ Bounce and ‘Zubrelances’. The latter is a term the Marseille faithful coined to describe Zubar’s regular defensive howlers. He’s played for France U-21’s, but then Titus Bramble also played U-21 football when he was clowning around at Newcastle. Mick McCarthy is already ‘pleading for patience’ with his new signing - Wolves fans are going to need it.

Roque Santa Cruz
(Blackburn Rovers to Man City, £17m)
Initially, this looked like a great match. Hughes had long been giving him the eye after re-launching his career

Nouveau riche side will be back in black next season

Bloody hell, Kolo Toure isn’t wasting any time, is he? He’s barely been at Manchester City 24 hours, but here he is posing in the new away kit with fellow newbies Emmanuel Adebayor and Roque Sat Nav Cruz.

As you can see, the new strip is black and yellow. As you can see by the honeycomb pattern in the background and the huge picture of a wasp/bee on their official site, they’re playing on the fact that this colour combination represents danger in the animal kingdom.

It comes out on the 15th, and The Spoiler rather likes it. Do you?

Because nothing says you’re enjoying yourself quite like an obviously staged picture on a construction site

[Photo taken from the Manchester City OS. Click it to get a closer look at the sincerity]

… revealed in the fascinating trends and statistics below

The bookmakers seem to agree on the 15 leading contenders to be next season’s Premier League top-scorer. they are:

Fernando Torres, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka, Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard, Michael Owen, Robinho, Robin van Persie, Emmanuel Adebayor, Dimitar Berbatov, Jermain Defoe, Carlos Tevez, Andrei Arshavin, Frank Lampard and Roque Santa Cruz.

Through a process of elimination, our stat-lovin’ friends at chickendinner have discovered that Nicolas Anelka will not successfully defend his top scorer award, and the eventual winner is quite surprising.

Here it comes…

Over the last decade Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (2000-01) is the only player to have won it in his first season with a new club.
That rules out: Michael Owen, Carlos Tevez, Roque Santa Cruz

The last nine winners were all playing for a Big Four side.
That rules out: Robinho, Jermain Defoe

Cristiano Ronaldo is the only player to have been Premier League top-scorer without always playing as an out-and-out striker.
That rules out: Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, Andrei Arshavin

The last British top-scorer was Kevin Phillips in 1999-00.
That rules out: Wayne Rooney

Still standing: Fernando Torres, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka, Robin van

A further helping of transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies 

Gokhan Inler to Arsenal
With primary target Melo almost certain to join Juventus, Arsenal have been forced to look elsewhere for a new midfielder. However, reports suggest Arsene Wenger is restricting his search to Serie A and now wants to sign £10 million-rated Gokhan Inler from Udinese.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Arsenal were linked with the Swiss international a lot last summer so hopefully this doesn’t drag on as long as the Andrey Arshavin saga did, especially as this transfer window has been fairly interesting and unpredictable so far.

Tuncay to Everton or Aston Villa
Middlesbrough’s local paper the Evening Gazette states that Aston Villa are looking to complete a £20 million double deal for Stewart Downing and

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Manchester City reject Darius Vassell receives a surreal hero’s welcome at new club Ankaragucu - click the link for more amazing photos
[Blue Moon]

Maicon’s agent is expecting Real Madrid to make a move for the right-back
[Goal]

Cristiano Ronaldo is looking forward to playing with Kaka next season
[The Sun]

Sol Campbell is linked with Everton and Aston Villa after leaving Portsmouth
[Daily Telegraph]

Roque Santa Cruz joined Manchester City for the money Mark Hughes fans
[Sporting Life]

What business are Spurs planning to do in the transfer market this summer?
[Interestment]