Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

The transfer market today may be quieter than the Joey Barton fan mail hot line, but that hasn’t stopped some of the UK’s finest print journalists doing their thang. Let’s kick off today’s speculation with news of everybody’s favourite badly-coiffed Frenchman…

Djibril Cisse to Manchester City or West Ham
Without even factoring wages into the equation, Liverpool made an £8 million loss on Cisse, for which they splashed out over £600,000 for every league goal he scored. Marseille have given the clubs ten days to bid for the player, time which would be better spent running as far away as possible.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Cisse has made no secret of the fact he would like to return

The Frank Lampard saga latest
Remember how we all applauded Chelsea for applying logic and refusing to cave in to Lampard’s demands for a five-year contract? Well it appears that whoever is making the decisions at Stamford Bridge has changed their mind and a five-year deal is now on the table.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems like he will stay now. Ronaldo and Barry could learn from Lampard’s handling of the issue

Andy Johnson to Fulham
The Everton striker and occasional England

Today’s transfer rumours, some more ridiculous than others

Despite possessing a questionable state of mental health, a low quality tabloid has linked the man who drunkenly gave me a tenner on my tenth birthday (true story) with a managerial job in the Philippines. Frankly, there’s a better chance of Jermain Defoe declaring a vow of abstinence, but the rest of today’s rumours have a little more substance…

Paul Gascoigne to the Phillippines
The seldom-reliable Daily Star claim that The Phillippines want to ‘rescue’ Gazza by making him the manager of their national team. There must be logic in that idea somewhere but we’re not going to bother guessing what it is.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Ludicrous idea if true

David Bentley to Everton
Bentley’s bold transfer request might not have panned out as he intended it to. It’s not Liverpool and Chelsea throwing pound notes at him to seduce him, it’s Aston Villa and Everton.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We still expect Chelsea to make a move

Ronaldinho to LA Galaxy
Forget about Barcelona, forget about Chelsea, hell, even forget about Manchester City. Despite only being 28, Ronaldinho