We don’t know how they do things in Russia, but by the looks of things Tottenham’s new striker needs to work on his posing. Even the most wet-behind-the-ears Premier League stars know to adopt a pout or a gang sign when they sniff a photographer, they certainly don’t start gormlessly waving in a shirt made of strobe lighting, like Roman Pavlyuchenko - it’s just so uncool. The Spoiler suggests studying the work of Beckham, Ferdinand, Rooney, Lampard and other hip footballing hunks who know what it takes to smoulder.
Tottenham remain keen on signing Russian manchild Andrei Arshavin, yet they are not so keen on coughing up his club’s £27m asking price. In protest, the 27-year-old refused to help Zenit crash out of the Russian Cup yesterday, and his agent helped paint a picture of the situation without resorting to any stereotypes about Russia’s former political stance:
“Nothing will change because this is the old Soviet Union way. For the Russian sports establishment the desires of the player mean absolutely nothing.
“They are the big bosses. It is a dictatorship. He is a slave.”
To summarise, the club who have stood by Arshavin for his entire career and who have helped make him the player he is today are slave drivers, because quite keen on holding onto a man who is contractually obliged to play for them.
As with politics and snack foods, America likes to think it is number one when it comes to the Olympics. Host nation China, however, look all set to dispute their sovereignty by claiming the most Golds in Beijing…
America’s gold medal haul is on the slide. In 1996, they won forty-four gold medals but in Athens four years ago, they ended the Games with just thirty-six.
China (1.4) are getting closer. In 1996, they finished with twenty-eight fewer gold medals than the USA. In 2000, they ended nine behind the Americans and four years ago China ended the Olympics just four golds back.
But you can’t write off the Americans. China may be catching them on the gold front but in 2004, the USA won 66 silver and bronze medals combined compared to China’s 31. That means the USA are a lot closer to increasing their gold haul and have far more opportunities to do so than the hosts.
Russia(60) have been consistent performers, winning between twenty-six and thirty-two golds in the last three Olympic Games. However, no country in the last ten Olympics has topped the gold medal table with fewer than thirty-six golds.
Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…
The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run
Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.
Apparently, the team who convincingly defeated Holland last week were playing a match against Spain in Vienna last night. I’ve been studying the video above to discover whether this was the case, but I’m still not entirely convinced. Either way, it looks like Guus Hiddink’s sterling record of never reaching an international final rages on…
Prostitution and group sex championed by Russian upper classes
According to The Telegraph, a wealthy socialite named Pyotr Listerman has given Russian players a thoroughly tempting reason to find the net in tonight’s Euro 2008 semi-final:
Listerman, well known for setting up rich Russians with prospective wives, said: “For each goal I’ll present two beautiful chicks. Watch the guys react.”The modern day cupid was caught on camera making the offer to Andrei Arshavin, who seemed to be pretty well disposed to the idea.
“There are a number of bachelors in our team,” said Arshavin. “This is a great incentive.”
If only an eccentric billionaire had made the same offer to Ronaldo - Portugal would almost certainly be in the final, and the tricky winger would have needed to hire a coach to take his rewards home.
Guus Hiddink may be the miracle man of international football, but he won’t want to shout too loudly about his record in semi-finals. Typically, he guides his sides to the last four and then, just as everyone starts getting overexcited, promptly loses. This time, it’s Spain who are going to bring the big old Dutchman to tears. Here’s why…
Nine reasons why Spain will beat Russia…
1. Spain are unbeaten in their last seven meetings with Russia, winning four and drawing three.
2. Not since a 2-1 win in Moscow in 1971, have Russia (formerly the Soviet Union) enjoyed victory against Spain.
3. The sides met in the group stages of this summer’s tournament, with Spain emerging as convincing 4-1 victors.
4. On the three previous occasions that teams have met twice in the same tournament (Portugal/Greece Euro 2004, Brazil/Turkey World Cup 2002 and Germany/Czech Republic Euro 1996) the side that won the first contest have always gone on to win the second as well.
5. Spain’s goalless draw with Italy extended their unbeaten run to twenty matches. Aragones’ men
Jens Lehmann has told the press he would ‘give his life’ to reach the final of Euro 2008: “I don’t want to go out in the semis again,” said the grumpy shot stopper. So if Die Deutschen make it through tonight and a certain Stuttgart keeper gets struck by lightning, we’ll know a deal with the devil went down.
Favourites Germany are just a few hours away from taking on Turkey in the first Euro 2008 semi, so it’s as good a time as any to ask you all who you think will win the tinny little Henri Delaunay trophy. Votes and comments below, please folks.
Get the best possible betting information on Euro 2008 from chickendinner
These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…
As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…
GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.
DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.
DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)
Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.
