The Spoiler

Nani: Fergie is screwing up my Manchester United career


NotRonaldo talks his way out of Old Trafford…

nani.jpg

Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jaap Stam and Roy Keane all have the same two things in common. All three were indispensable Man Utd players who were very much dispensed of the moment they crossed Sir Alex Ferguson.

The Spoiler can only assume Utd winger Nani, who is currently about as indispensable as a used, porous condom, was blissfully unaware of these events ever having happened, since he’s made the extremely stupid move of criticising Fergie in the tabloid press.

“It is clear the 23-year-old has reached the end of his tether,” crows The Sun, while rubbing their hands at the carnage about to unfold. “In a no-holds barred interview, Nani reveals how:”

He has felt the withering force of Fergie’s infamous hairdryer rage.

He is frustrated at being omitted from big-game starting line-ups.

He believes promises have not been kept.

Three grievances, all of which can be answered with one simple explanation: “It’s because you’re s**t.”

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Posted: November 12th, 2009 by Richard Gilzene

Van Nistelrooy explains Spurs snub, Ballack considers his future, Bent Tweets again


Also appearing on a computer near you…

LA Galaxy players bet Beckham he can’t hit window in stadium, Beckham hits window in stadium, viewer forced to listen to cameraman’s stoner laugh repeatedly
[Off The Post]

Darren Bent is back on Twitter!
[Tribal Football]

Robinho puts Brazil ahead of Manchester City
[Fox Soccer]

Adrian Mutu can’t afford to pay Chelsea £14.5m for breaching his contract - did somebody say karma?
[Daily Mail]

Herr Ballack to consider his future after the World Cup
[The Mirror]

Ruud van Nistelrooy explains why he didn’t move to ‘lesser club’ Tottenham
[The Telegraph]

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Posted: September 4th, 2009 by Ryan Bailey

Vote: Which Real Madrid reject would you most want to sign?


While Real Madrid have been busy signing Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka and co, the Big Four have so far captured Thomas Vermaelen, Ross Turnbull, Daniel Sturridge, Glen Johnson, Antonio Valencia and, probably, Michael Owen.

With all the big names heading over to Spain, the Premier League’s elite have been forced to adopt a different strategy this summer, as shown by the unusually high number of English players being bought.

The arrival of the galacticos has left plenty of talented players at Real Madrid looking for new clubs, some potentially capable of doing a job for one of the Premier League’s title challengers.

The Spoiler wants you to pick which one of the men reportedly made available by Florentino Perez last month would be your first choice. To avoid sitting on the fence, we’d probably go for Wesley Sneijder:

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Posted: July 3rd, 2009 by Michael Lintorn

Van Nistelrooy snubs Spurs move, Manchester City striker eyes Portugal move


The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Ruud van Nistelrooy

Ruud van Nistelrooy not going to Spurs

Those who were hoping to see the perennially-injured horse-faced Dutchman return to the Premiership may be disappointed by his most recent insistence that he intends to stay in the Spanish capital:

“I am happy at Real and want to go back and get the opportunity to prove myself. I have a strong motivation to succeed at Real.”

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Unlike his Dutch colleagues, Ruud seems fairly confident of his place in Florentino Perez’s plans. Us? Not so confident.

Armand Traore to Birmingham
Our friends at The Birmingham Mail say the newly promoted side are looking to give yet another temporary home to the left-sided Frenchman, who spent last season at Fratton Park.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Kieran Gibbs is probably in front of Traore in the queue

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Posted: June 24th, 2009 by Ryan Bailey

Steven Gerrard’s reitrement plans, Wolfsburg target Peter Crouch and Danielle Lloyd


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Cristiano Ronaldo’s Ferrari

Despite causing road closures and costing thousands in police time, Cristiano Ronaldo will face no charges for wrecking his Ferrari
[The Independent]

Steven Gerrard says he may retire in 2013
[Sky Sports]

Interestment’s top four football transfers
[Interestment]

Yes, it is possible for rugby to become even more homoerotic
[WithLeather]

Danielle Lloyd covers up her leg lacerations at last night’s Transformers premiere
[Dirty Tackle]

Real Madrid outcasts Arjen Robben and Ruud van Nistelrooy could find a home in the Premiership
[The Guardian]

Peter Crouch linked with Bundesliga champions VfL Wolfsburg
[Sky Sports (again)]

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Posted: June 16th, 2009 by Ryan Bailey

Why Ronaldo is irreplaceable, Spurs bid for Madrid star stalls and Gemma Atkinson hotness


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Charlotte Jackson

Charlotte Jackson makes the Top Six Setanta moments
[Pies]

Why Kaka isn’t the most expensive player of all time
[The Offside]

Why Cristiano Ronaldo is irreplaceable at Manchester Utd
[The Guardian]

Too many dicks on the dance floor: David Bentley shakes it
[Kickette]

Redknapp must convince Daniel Levy that Van Nistelrooy is a good buy
[Goal.com]

Gemma Atkinson
hits the beach
[DJ Mick]

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Posted: June 11th, 2009 by Ryan Bailey

Tottenham’s bargain basement Van Nistelrooy bid, FC Porto’s hottest fan loses her clothes


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Dirty Tackle live up to their name by finding this flagrant abuse of a referee

Blackburn’s 2009/10 looks a little cheap
[Pies]

Bye bye Roman Pavlyuchenko
[Caught Offside]

Tottenham are offering £1.25m for Ruud van Nistelrooy - surely that’s insultingly low?
[Daily Mail]

Billy Bob Gillett and Hank Hicks have been making some outrageous expense claims
[Guardian]

Cátia Rocha - FC Porto’s hottest and nakedest fan (slightly NSFW)
[On205th]

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Posted: June 9th, 2009 by Ryan Bailey

Carlos Tevez is warned not to leave Manchester United


It all goes wrong when you exit Old Trafford, just ask these guys

Ruud van Nistelrooy and Diego Forlan

Manchester United chief executive David Gill has arrogantly suggested that Carlos Tevez’s career will go downhill if he walks away from Old Trafford.

He said: ”The game is littered with players who have left us, for whatever reason, who say after Manchester United it is downhill. Hopefully they get the right advice, they understand that and make the right decision.”

However, The Spoiler instantly thought of two courageous souls who somehow bounced back from the supposedly indescribable pain of leaving. Diego Forlan was the top La Liga scorer in 2004-05 and has this season scored a ridiculous

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Posted: May 26th, 2009 by Michael Lintorn