The latest transfer gossip, news and damned lies

Edin Dzeko to Tottenham
The Bosnian has put away nine goals in four games for Bundesliga leaders VfL Wolfsburg, but is unhappy that manager and mentor Felix Magath will be leaving the club for Schalke in the closed season. Accordingly, The Daily Mail report that the £12m-rated striker has caught the attention of Spurs.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: He would fill the hole that crappy moody striker Roman Pavlyuchenko is likely to leave, but Arsenal, Manchester Utd, Everton and Blackburn are also keen.

Diego Forlan to Manchester City
The Uruguayan has been banging them in for fun at Atletico Madrid this season, and has become a City priority since a move for Barcelona-bound

The Beauty queen who may be back on the market

Schalke’s Ivan Rakitić is a talented attacking midfielder, but also a damn fool if the latest WAG rumours are to believed. According to Bild, the Croat has split up with Tatjana Batinić, also known as Miss Austria 2006:

“I ended my relationship with Tatjana. It was short, but beautiful. We both had too many obligations. Simply, it did not work.”

The Croatian blonde (who somehow qualifies for Miss Austria) is devastated, because Rakitić failed to tell her they had split up. “Where did you get that Ivan Rakitic and I broke up? I know nothing about that. I hope that in the future you will only publish the truth,” she told Javno shortly after her ex-boyfriend’s comments were recorded.

Would you mess with this guy, even if he didn’t have a sword?

If you thought Joey Barton got up to despicable things outside McDonalds, then you’d be right. Pulling in at a close second, however, is former Schalke and Werder Bremen beefcake Thorsten Legat, who is in hot water for brandishing a samurai sword outside his local Maccy Ds.

Allegedly, the former Bundesliga Championship winner was in his car with his wife when he was threatened by a group of youths. One thing lead to another, and Legat took his trusty sword from his boot (as you do), and in the ensuing scuffle somehow injured the head of one of the troublemakers (presumably he didn’t cut it off).

The incident actually occurred last year, but the court case had been ongoing until yesterday, when Legat was forced to pay 1,000 Euros for his attempted assault.

Spoiler bonus: During his 243-game career, Legat was known for his bizarre statements to the press. Our favourite:

“Our chances are 70:50″

[Bild]

Say Guten Tag to a Bundesliga beauty queen

Schalke midfielder Jermaine Jones earned himself a ‘teen idol’ image while breaking through the ranks of Germany’s U21 squad, and accordingly attracted the right type of “Mädchen”. In 2007 he married Sarah Gerth, who reigned as ‘Misses Germany’ in 2005 and 2006. Sarah recently showed her commitment to Jones in a typically Waggish way - she had a ‘J’ tattooed on her lower arm. Aww.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

It looks like Cristiano Ronaldo has treated himself to some new wheels
[Grid Crasher]

Ten Italian managers who are (arguably) better than Gianfranco Zola
[Soccer Advise]

Jennifer Lopez is now a triathlete
[Poilte Applause]

Schalke captain Macelo Bordon is in trouble for calling a referee a ‘puta’. In Portuguese, that’s not a very nice word
[Bild]

Football Betting: Kevin Keegan is now at evens to return to Newcastle
[chickendinner Bet Blog]

Real Madrid and Manchester City are reportedly chasing Arsenal’s man of the moment
[Caught Offside]

Newcastle are now denying they have ‘sacked’ Alan Shearer
[Football 365]

How do you like these apples, Daniel Levy?

While Tottenham warm up Stoke’s place in the relegation zone, their fans may be less than delighted to hear of the progress of their most successful Premier League manager in Germany: Martin Jol’s SV Hamburg are currently equal on points with Bundesliga leaders Schalke, and have netted eleven goals in four games.

Farfán and Eto’o snub North Londoners

Spurs could be starting the season with an inferiority complex, as Peruvian Jefferson Farfán has become the latest player to shun a move to White Hart Lane. The striker confirmed that he received an offer from Tottenham, but yesterday chose to leave PSV for Schalke instead.

This news comes on top of a recent failure to lure Ronaldinho (and let’s be honest, Spurs fans should hope it stays that way) and Samuel Eto’o’s comments dismissing the club: “Tottenham, and I hope the English fans will forgive me, are a club in mid-table and I need more,” the Barcelona man told CRTV.

The rumour vine tells us that Anton Ferdinand is having a medical at Spurs today - but will he sign on the dotted line or continue the Ramos snubbing?

UPDATE: Arsenal’s new signing Carlos Vela is now getting involved in the art of Spurs fan goading. On the arrival of fellow countryman Giovani Dos Santos at White hart Lane, he said:

“I hope things go well for him at Tottenham, that he gets the minutes he wasn’t given at Barcelona and that he shows what he can do.

“He is a very good player and let’s hope he can then move on to a better team.”

Have at it, folks.

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Bad news for Roma - no team has ever overcome a 2-0 home defeat in the Champions League qualifying stages. Still, this news will delight fans of ‘wussbets’, who can get a hefty 1/25 on United qualifying tonight . Those with bigger cojones, however, may follow the astute advice of chickendinner, and place bets here.

Champions League quarter-final second legs

Barcelona/ Schalke (Sky Sports 3, 7.45pm) - chickendinner betting tips
Manchester Utd/ Roma (Sky Sports 2, 7.45pm) - chickendinner betting tips