Also appearing on a computer near you…

It looks like Cristiano Ronaldo has treated himself to some new wheels
[Grid Crasher]

Ten Italian managers who are (arguably) better than Gianfranco Zola
[Soccer Advise]

Jennifer Lopez is now a triathlete
[Poilte Applause]

Schalke captain Macelo Bordon is in trouble for calling a referee a ‘puta’. In Portuguese, that’s not a very nice word
[Bild]

Football Betting: Kevin Keegan is now at evens to return to Newcastle
[chickendinner Bet Blog]

Real Madrid and Manchester City are reportedly chasing Arsenal’s man of the moment
[Caught Offside]

Newcastle are now denying they have ‘sacked’ Alan Shearer
[Football 365]

How do you like these apples, Daniel Levy?

While Tottenham warm up Stoke’s place in the relegation zone, their fans may be less than delighted to hear of the progress of their most successful Premier League manager in Germany: Martin Jol’s SV Hamburg are currently equal on points with Bundesliga leaders Schalke, and have netted eleven goals in four games.

Farfán and Eto’o snub North Londoners

Spurs could be starting the season with an inferiority complex, as Peruvian Jefferson Farfán has become the latest player to shun a move to White Hart Lane. The striker confirmed that he received an offer from Tottenham, but yesterday chose to leave PSV for Schalke instead.

This news comes on top of a recent failure to lure Ronaldinho (and let’s be honest, Spurs fans should hope it stays that way) and Samuel Eto’o’s comments dismissing the club: “Tottenham, and I hope the English fans will forgive me, are a club in mid-table and I need more,” the Barcelona man told CRTV.

The rumour vine tells us that Anton Ferdinand is having a medical at Spurs today - but will he sign on the dotted line or continue the Ramos snubbing?

UPDATE: Arsenal’s new signing Carlos Vela is now getting involved in the art of Spurs fan goading. On the arrival of fellow countryman Giovani Dos Santos at White hart Lane, he said:

“I hope things go well for him at Tottenham, that he gets the minutes he wasn’t given at Barcelona and that he shows what he can do.

“He is a very good player and let’s hope he can then move on to a better team.”

Have at it, folks.

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Bad news for Roma - no team has ever overcome a 2-0 home defeat in the Champions League qualifying stages. Still, this news will delight fans of ‘wussbets’, who can get a hefty 1/25 on United qualifying tonight . Those with bigger cojones, however, may follow the astute advice of chickendinner, and place bets here.

Champions League quarter-final second legs

Barcelona/ Schalke (Sky Sports 3, 7.45pm) - chickendinner betting tips
Manchester Utd/ Roma (Sky Sports 2, 7.45pm) - chickendinner betting tips

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Following the seven ‘gifts’ they gave United last season at Old Trafford, Roma boss Luciano Spalletti has boldly vowed that there will be ‘fewer goals’ in tonight’s match. Unless you were counting on Ronaldo to score 8+ goals at the Stadio Olimpico, this is a rather empty threat.

Spoiler tip: In their four recent games, there has been an average of exactly 3.5 goals per tie. Defy Spalletti by backing VC Bet’s 7/2 on over 3.5 goals tonight.

Tennis
Miami Open ATP Masters (Sky Sports 2, 4pm)

Champions League Quarter-final First Legs
Roma/ Manchester Utd (ITV1, 7.45pm) - bet here
Schalke/ Barcelona (ITV4, 7.45pm) - bet here

The Champions League draw was so boring it made me want to do that thing that Michael Hutchence and that MP did, but I persevered and here it is:

Arsenal/ Liverpool
Roma/ Manchester Utd
Schalke/ Barcelona
Fenerbahçe/ Chelsea

Semi-final draw

Arsenal or Liverpool will play Fenerbahçe or Chelsea

Schalke or Barcelona will play Roma or Manchester Utd

Before the draw, Manchester Utd were favourites, but now they’re joint second with Chelsea at at 7/2. Meanwhile, Barcelona have jumped to 11/4 favourites. See all the best odds as they move on the oddschicken.