Gelsenkirchen is a breeding ground for abnormal barnets

Pictured above is 19-year-old Schalke 04 midfielder Mesut Özil. He has fallen out with the German side for refusing to sign a big-money contract, and could be on his way to either Arsenal or Chelsea in the very near future. Whether the fallout was actually spurred by financial negotiations, or a more likely uprising against his terrible bouffant, is at this stage unclear.

Before he reaches these shores, someone seriously needs to have a word about that Kramer from Seinfeld/ mullet thing he has going on. Outside of homosexual discos in mainland Europe, I’m fairly sure this