Mourinho, Scolari

No doubt about it, all of a sudden Chelsea are a joy to behold. Last season, we watched through bleeding eyes as they so nearly ground their way to boring successes, but this season, they look like worthy and spectacular contenders.

Begging the question, is Scolari a better coach than Mourinho was? Glen Johnson thinks so, but what do you think?

Um, Roman, are you sure?

If all the money in the world can only get you as far as Ray Wilkins as the assistant first team coach at Chelsea, then this dramatic credit crunch malarkey is turning into a financial apocalypse. As a player, he was fantastic - especially for fans of the sideways pass - but since his days on the pitch, his only notable success was on that Tango advert with the fat orange guy slapping people.

Midfield terrier has knackered knees

Forget Lampsie, Ballack, Drog-Drog - the player most likely to drag Chelsea through those stodgy mid-season blues has been Michael Essien, the Chelsea fans player of the season in 2006/2007, a human dynamo. Hence the Londoners (in the broadest sense) will surely suffer as the midfielder looks set to miss the majority of the season with a busted up leg.

On the plus side, does this now mean that Michael Ballack will unpack his suitcase and stay beyond Christmas? The German had been rumoured to be grumbling about his job security, what with Deco, Lampsie, Cole and Essien all really great footballers challenging for a mini-handful of spots, but now it looks like he might have a few months coasting along in the starting line-up.

That’ll put the smile back on his half-sneering face.

Is this the best team in the Premier League?

Make no mistake, friends, the ‘Big Four’ are so-called because they’re brilliant. So brilliant that were you to merge them all together to create a “best of” team, some huge names would fall by the wayside. We are, of course, referring to the likes of Craig Lindfield, Andriy Voronin, Justin Hoyte, Darren Fletcher, Shaun Wright-Phillips. Just some of the football legends who didn’t make the cut.

GK Petr Cech (Chelsea)
No longer the best in the world, not even the best in Premier League - Friedel, James and Given are better. But he is the strongest in the top four, despite a horrendous Euro 2008. Should his terrible run of luck with facial injuries continue, he should end the season playing in a humiliating gimp mask.

DL Patrice Evra (Man United)
After an appalling debut (losing 3-1 to Man City, coming off at half time), Evra suddenly morphed into a fantastic player. Some might argue that Cole or Clichy are more deserving of the spot, but they’re wrong. Cole would bring the whole dressing room down with his awful personality, and Clichy is behind Evra in the France pecking order.

DC Rio Ferdinand (Man United)
It’s easy to forget that underneath the silly record labels, the totally pointless “merking” and the strange skew-whiff mouth, Rio Ferdinand is just a man, standing in front of you, asking you to tell him he’s brilliant at football. Don’t worry, Rio, you are. In fact, you’re our cap-i-tan.

Tomorrow’s headlines today…

So another week comes to an end, and what have we learned? Nothing. Not one thing. If anything, we’ve all become more stupid. Still no matter, The Spoiler cares not about hindsight and the past, we’re all about the future, baby. Here’s some stuff fresh from tomorrow…

Ferguson in sarcasm shocker
Sir Alex Ferguson has laughed off the idea that Chelsea will be better under Luiz Felipe Scolari. “I read that Scolari is more experienced than me,” he scoffed. “What have I been doing for the last 34 years? I must have missed something or been asleep somewhere.”

Benitez not falling into the usual trap
Rafael Benitez has been excitedly telling the press that he has now assembled his strongest squad yet, but stopped short of squealing “this could be our year” in a high-pitched womanly voice. To the relief of Liverpool fans worldwide, Benitez wisely chose to say “I am confident about my squad, and I am happy that we have the best squad since I arrived at Anfield” instead.

They kicked out Mourinho for a lot less

After this weekend’s disappointing performance against Barnsley (no disrespect to them) and the Carling Cup final loss, it seems that even a Champions League victory won’t keep Mr Expressionless at the Bridge now.

The bookies fancy Guus Hiddink to fill his boring shoes, but somehow names like Zola and Klinsmann are also in the mix. So who do you think will take the role? Have a vote below, or leave a fresh suggestion in the comments area.