Chow down at the Championship’s biggest stadium this Sunday

Newcastle fans desperately searching for a Father’s Day gift for the old man they don’t particularly like are in luck.

The club are advertising a lunch at St James’ Park this Sunday, designed to remind maligned relatives of the misery they have had to endure for the past year at the home of the Magpies. And it’s only £19.95 per person (or a seemingly impossible £9.975 for kids) - that kind of money wouldn’t buy a bread roll at a Premier League ground!

Don’t delay - remind your dad of the disappointment his club have piled on him now! (Just don’t blame us if the chefs turn out to be as incompetent as the board.)

Before The Spoiler was distracted by this thoroughly tempting offer, we were going to mention the fact that Newcastle appear to have neglected Alan Shearer in their future plans. Season ticket applications have finally been sent out to fans, and the accompanying literature makes no reference to the latest Geordie Messiah.

The soft southern journalists at the Daily Mail believe Chris Hughton will take the managerial reins at the club, fulfilling the wishes of managing director Derek Llambias.

It’s easier to buy Newcastle than a St James’ Park season ticket

Having transformed from European contenders into laughing stocks, The Spoiler hoped for the sake of long-suffering fans that Newcastle would at least go down with some dignity but Mike Ashley isn’t letting that happen.

According to today’s Guardian, Ashley has gone off the idea of appointing Alan Shearer as manager - fair enough - but instead plans to keep the post vacant until selling the club, a process that could take over a month. The lack of organisation also means that season-ticket renewal forms still haven’t been sent to fans and there are no pre-season friendlies organised.

The Times are reporting that Ashley has told agents and clubs that every player is available to buy. That wouldn’t be a complete disaster, so long as he a) appoints someone to rebuild immediately and b) doesn’t put an asking price and contact info on every player profile on the club’s website.

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Aston Villa to help out children’s hospice

A huge pat on the back is due for Randy Lerner and co for defying the Premiership trend to ‘maximise revenues’. Instead of renewing their shirt sponsorship deal with a large corporation, the West Midlands club have taken a leaf from Barcelona’s book by giving their shirt sponsorship deal to a charity.

Villa have forsaken up a potential £2million deal in order to help out the Acorns children’s hospice, in a move that has made Martin O’Neill ‘very proud’. Awww.

Financial cynics shouldn’t be too concerned by this philanthropic turn, as the constantly inflating Gareth Barry sale price (now at around £15million) and the 7.5 per cent hike in season ticket prices should cover the opportunity cost.

One in Seven fans won’t be renewing their season tickets

We’re all a bit hard pressed these days - each time we turn the ignition keys we face spending the equivalent of the GDP of a small African nation, and a loaf of bread now costs the same as a two bed semi in Bradford. While the Premier League’s finest are rubbing our noses in it by spending like it’s going out of fashion, it appears that the clubs themselves are about to become the latest victims of the nationwide belt tightening. According to Scott Mowbray of Virgin Money, nearly one in seven fans are refusing to renew their season tickets this year.

The worst affected club are West Ham, as 25 per cent of their faithful will now spend Saturday afternoons standing around in Jane Norman at Lakeside while the missus tries on dresses she won’t buy. This defection may be due to the fact that certain factions of Hammers fans are dissatisfied with Curbs and his boring brand of football, or it could be that the average ticket price is around £780