FIFA exploit honour the dead

Thespoiler has always thought that there aren’t enough awards ceremonies these days. Young Hollyoaks actresses, American Presidents and Lionel Messi just don’t get enough love.

Sepp Blatter, being the wise man he is, agrees with us. Hence his unveiling this week of the FIFA Puskas award, a new prize to be awarded for the ‘finest goal of the year.’ The selection process for the winner of the award will take place on FIFA.com at the end of November. The ten best goals of the year, as selected by the FIFA Football Committee, will be available to view online and users will then be able to make their choice.

Something to look forward to then. In the meantime, what has been the ‘finest’ goal of 2009? Tell us below…

“I have not finished my mission”

Democracy is a fragile thing. On the one hand, giving the people a say on who runs their affairs, often leads to a greater engagement with public affairs, and greater scrutiny of the legislature. On the other, it gives free rein to all sorts of maniacs, who can simply respond, “I was chosen by my people,” at the first hint of any criticism. And so to Joseph ‘Sepp’ Blatter, elected man of football. Kind of.

Lest we forget, the Observer newspaper reported back in 1998, how bundles of cash replaced the traditional manifesto as Blatter’s electoral weapon back in 1998. In 2002, the head of the Somalian Football Association revealed how he was offered £100,000 to vote Blatter in that year’s poll. Three years ago, Sepp was conveniently elected unopposed.

So to celebrate another imminent triumph of FIFA democracy, after the jump are four of Joseph Blatter’s finest moments, one for each year he wishes to be re-elected for.

Romanian still struggling to pay ridiculous £14.6m fine

Adrian Mutu was sacked by Chelsea in 2004 on account of his cocaine abuse, and was given a seven month ban and a £20,000 fine by the FA. When he signed for Juventus (via Livorno) as a free agent during this mandatory exile period, the Blues demanded £9.6m from the player to compensate for the initial transfer fee.

Mutu soon regretted hiring a lawyer he saw running down the street after an ambulance, as the fine was increased to £14.6m after two appeals to the very same Court of Arbitration for Sport who recently banned Chelsea from transfer activity.

Some might say that the transfer ban helped to restore karmic balance following Chelsea’s lack of compassion towards the Romanian, but the point remains that £14.6m is a penalty that only a handful of footballers could realistically afford to pay. In his latest bid to avoid the angry Russian debt collectors, Mutu has written an open letter to FIFA and his former employers. Sky Sport Italia printed the highlights, which Goal.com roughly translated:

“To Chelsea, the FIFA disciplinary committee and FIFA president Josep Blatter

“I write this letter

Also appearing on a computer near you…

OMG! Sepp Blatter Failz! LOL! ROFL! Etc!
[Dirty Tackle]

Messi wants Fabregas and Mascherano to join him at Barcelona
[Sky Sports]

Follow us on Twitter like all the other cool kids
[Twitter]

Top ten disgraceful football mullets
[Pies]

FC Lorient compete with Everton for ‘ugliest new kit for 2009/10′ award
[The Offside]

Some pretty convincing evidence that Jermaine Pennant is planning a move to Spain
[Off The Post]

Tottenham WAG Danielle Lloyd’s latest photoshoot (NSFW)
[The Sun]

Vuvuzelas make their way to mainland Europe

The constant droning foghorn din that was audible during every single Confederations Cup match was the result of an instrument known as a vuvuzela. The noisy plastic trumpets are very popular in South Africa, and are often blown by home fans in a frantic attempt to “kill off” the opposition.

Not only are they irritating, but they could also be used as a weapon, and perhaps a cynical instrument of marketing by opportunist companies who plaster their logos all over them.

After crashing out to the USA amidst a deafening chorus, Xabi Alonso made his views on the vuvuzela clear:

“I think they should be banned. We’re used to when people shout but not to this trumpet noise which doesn’t allow you to concentrate and is unbearable.”

Alonso’s Spanish team-mates obviously didn’t share his opinions, as these pictures from Madrid Airport show. Fernando Torres must have been a particular fan of the insufferable noise, as he was proudly carrying two of them on his trolley.

Many have asked for vuvuzelas to be banned during World Cup 2010, but in-touch-with-the-people FIFA President Sepp Blatter opposes the idea, saying we should not try and “Europeanise” the World Cup.

*We apologise for the thoroughly crappy modifications made to the top pic. Blame ONTD for that.

Daft old man delivers some more sanctimony

The BBC were granted the opportunity to speak to FIFA president Sepp Blatter in Johannesburg, but could barely hear him over the broken record that kept playing.

The Swiss has launched yet another attack on the greatest league in the world, and this time his protestations are based around the fact that nine Premier League clubs have foreign owners:

“In France, Germany and Spain there are by-laws that say owners must be from the same country.

“This does not exist in the Premier League and it is a problem we must address.”

After suggesting a restriction on international economic trade within a free market - something that contravenes the conventions of capitalism and nowhere near the jurisdiction of FIFA - Blatter went on to win the “who can say ‘fair play’ the most” competition:

We have spoken before about financial fair play. Financial fair play is not only a licensing system and financing control but financing fair play means also that all participants should observe a minimum of fair play.

The Spoiler agrees with Blatter in principle: foreign ownership is becoming increasingly dangerous and clubs - like any other businesses - should not spend beyond their means.

However, the old goat’s hypocrisy is simply too much

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Our friends in America like to censor naughty language on national television. This Snakes On A Plane edit is almost unnoticeable

John Pantsil’s £10,000 cash bonus for marking Ronaldo raises eyebrows
[Dirty Tackle]

Video: Joe Cole’s insightful punditry
[Kickette]

Roque Santa Cruz won’t play for Blackburn again
[Daily Mail]

Sepp Blatter wants to get British MPs on board for his ridiculous plans
[Football365]

Aston Villa target Joleon Lescott & Micah Richards
[Goal.com]

Decision goes against Manchester United but they still benefit

Steve Bennett has decided to stand by his decision to only book Steven Taylor for catching Cristiano Ronaldo with his arm but Sir Alex Ferguson is not complaining for once.

The Newcastle defender would have received a three-match ban if the referee had decided it should have been a red card and Ferguson didn’t want that to happen because the Magpies host Manchester United’s rivals Arsenal and Chelsea over that period. He said:

“The disciplinary situation does confuse you at times. No-one is really clear about it. But in actual fact we did not want the boy suspended because now he can play against Chelsea and Arsenal.”

The Spoiler doesn’t understand why Ferguson is concerned about Arsenal’s results but the sextuple-chasing boss did confirm