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Rio Ferdinand and Wes Brown get candid

Robbie Keane starts the conspiracy theories rolling
[The Sun]

… And the Irish justice minister demands … justice
[Telegraph]

Player gets carded for farting in ref’s face
[Mirror]

Fan fined £120k for Sweden/Denmark pitch invasion
[The Sun]

Atletico Madrid are on the brink of accepting £40m for Aguero
[Guardian]

Yuri Zhirkov’s knees are struggling with the UK weather
[Daily Star]

Expect a megayacht-load of new faces rocking up at the Bridge…

The Court of Arbitration for Sport have temporarily suspended Chelsea’s FIFA-imposed two-window transfer ban, leaving the Blues free to sign players until a final decision has been made over their appeal:

The FIFA Dispute Resolution Chamber imposed, inter alia, a restriction of four months’ ineligibility on Mr Gael Kakuta, and Chelsea Football Club Ltd was banned from registering any new players, either nationally or internationally, for the next two complete, consecutive registration periods. Such sanctions are now stayed until the CAS renders its final decision in this matter.

Despite this (unsurprising) bit of good fortune, the success of Chelsea’s appeal isn’t guaranteed - there’ll almost certainly be a stockpiling of players in the January transfer window, especially if Ron Gourlay wants two Champions League trophies in the next five years.

So who should be top of the shopping list? Sergio Aguero? Angel di Maria? Frank Ribery?

Newbie managers hold English sides in Europe…

CSKA Moscow 3/ Manchester United 3

Leonid Slutsky’s (no laughing at the back) side took a surprise lead through Alan’s 25th minute strike, but were soon pegged back by a typically poached goal from Michael Owen. After going 3-1 down to a pair of all-too-easy goals from Milos Krasic and Vasili Berezutski, United staged a late rally - 84th minute late - with a Paul Scholes header and Antonio Valencia’s deflected equaliser.

Atletico Madrid 2/ Chelsea 2

Chelsea started the match ready to hammer an Atletico Madrid side, laughably shambolic on and off the pitch, who had nothing to play for. However, Atleti put in an admirable first-half performance, before Kun Aguero came on and smashed a 66th minute volley which stuck a massive middle finger up at any idea of a Blues rout.

Didier Drogba grabbed a late brace, but Aguero popped up again in injury time (with a free-kick that’ll add a few €m to his price tag in January) to grab a point.

The Spoiler attempts to explain the Argentinian’s inconsistency

A strange thing tends to happen when Lionel Messi pulls on an Argentina shirt - generally speaking, he loses the dazzling talent that made him the centre piece in Barcelona’s triple-winning season. But why does this happen? As the Albicelestes prepare for a vital clash with Peru on Saturday, Spoiler correspondent Sam Williams gives five possible reasons for his inconsistent form on the international stage…

The manager
Comparisons with Maradona are inescapable, particularly when the manager forces the iconic number 10 shirt on Messi. Before the recent World Cup qualifiers against Brazil and Paraguay, Maradona said of his star player: “We’ve been heaping responsibility onto him. He’s fast, concentrated, totally committed. He knows the chance he has.” Argentina duly lost both games.

Messi is consistently outstanding for Barcelona because he plays in a liberated, care-free manner. He knows how good he is, and if Maradona lets him get on with it, he could help dig Argentina out of the World Cup Qualification hole they find themselves in.

The formation
In the aforementioned defeat to Paraguay in Asuncion, Messi was deployed up-front in a 4-4-2 formation. For all his attacking qualities, five-foot-seven Messi isn’t an out-and-out striker and he couldn’t impose himself against the big, physical Paraguayan centre-backs. Alongside a target-man

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Before you check out the links, here’s Britney Spears doing something or other in a bikini

Burnley are already commemorating their famous win with t-shirts
[Pies]

Sergio Aguero is a no-go for Chelsea after playing in the Champions League for Atletico Madrid
[Daily Mail]

Our new favourite website
[iamfriendswithsluts.com]

Sammy Lee charged with improper conduct
[The Guardian]

Interestment have excellent taste in football websites
[Interestment]

Jonathan Greening joins Fulham on a season-long loan
[Sky Sports]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Michel Salgado to Blackburn
Spanish papers AS and Sport say the unemployed 33-year-old has turned down offers from Real Zaragoza and Dubai for sunny Blackburn. He is due in England to finalise the deal today.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: If Big Sam can wade through the financial red tape at Ewood Park, this one is on.

Sergio Aguero to Chelsea
Maradona’s son-in-law has been heavily linked with Manchester Utd over the summer, but The Sun believe Chelsea are the frontrunners to buy out his £50m get-out clause. They have 24 hours

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Andrea Pirlo, Franck Ribery and Sergio Aguero to Chelsea
Chelsea have been searching all summer for what they call a “marquee name” and now The Daily Mail expect them to bring three in at once by spending £100 million on Pirlo, Ribery and Aguero.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: The Blues have been linked with Pirlo ever since Carlo Ancelotti’s appointment and that looks a reasonable possibility but Bayern Munich have said Ribery is no longer available and Aguero is supposedly happy to stay in Spain.

Joe Cole to Spurs
Obviously the arrival of two more midfielders would damage Cole’s chances of

Relaxed Bulgarian could make way for Kun

Our Spanish friends at AS have been speculating over the future of Atletico Madrid striker Sergio Agüero throughout the closed season, and they seem convinced he will end up in Manchester.

The Argentinean - whose lovemaking with Diego Maradona’s daughter has been so successful that she has borne his first son - was supposedly the subject of a €46m bid earlier this summer. The offer hit a stumbling block, however, when it was revealed that ‘Kun’ has a €60m buy-out clause written into his contract.

AS believe Alex Ferguson would like to offer Atletico Madrid €40m and Nani to satisfy the contractual stipulation. The Spaniards, however, would much prefer to have Dimitar Berbatov and €20m.