Some immaturity and high jinx from the Real Madrid bench

[Video: 101GG]

Los Blancos and Red Devils see off inferior opponents

Shamrock Rovers 0/ Real Madrid 1
Those who were expecting the world’s most expensive player to set the world alight on his Real Madrid debut were fairly disappointed. Cristiano Ronaldo plodded around for 45minutes before being subbed and admitting that he is “not yet 100 percent fit”. Los Blancos looked as if they would leave Dublin empty handed before Karim Benzema banged in a late one.

Malaysia XI 0/ Manchester Utd 2
The Red Devils were due to play an Indonesian All Star side last night, but in light of the hotel bomb attacks of last week, they ended up facing the exact same Malaysian XI they beat 3-2 at the weekend. Handsome devil Federico Macheda knocked in the first, and Michael Owen was able to take advantage of the laughable Malaysian defending by putting away his second in two games.

[Videos: 101GG]

Oversexed winger takes out frustration on Madrid captain

Tonight, Cristiano Ronaldo will enjoy his first game as a Real Madrid player, against a team he admits he has “never heard of” (that’ll be Shamrock Rovers, a side with whom The Spoiler only had the most passing familiarity).

Training seems to be going well, although it would appear that the Portuguese star is having difficulty locating unscrupulous ladies in Ireland. Either that, or he has found a forceful way to persuade Raul into giving him the number seven shirt.

This wonderful sport/ porn hybrid was brought to our attention by the miscreants at Dirty Tackle. They don’t deserve £10 prize money - they’d only spend it on binoculars and gaffer tape - but you could earn some cash if you send us some Sporno and we use it.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery