Mr Chelsea is a “cockney cry baby”, says Oasis star

Noel receives at rapturous welcome at Maine Road in 1996. If Sheikh Mansour is reading, Maine Road is the ground Man City used to play at.

Never one to keep his opinions to himself, Noel Gallagher has told Football365 why his beloved Manchester City should cease their pursuit of England’s brave captain:

“I don’t like John Terry and I never have. He’s got funny eyes and he’s a cry baby.

“He’s also a Cockney and he’d absolutely be coming just for the money.”

As much as The Spoiler appreciates Gallagher’s rapier wit, having “funny eyes” isn’t a great reason not to bring in a world class player, and they already have a cockney staff member in the form of Shaun Wright-Phillips. Perhaps the Oasis guitarist just wants to keep JT’s mum as far away a spossible from the executive boxes at Eastlands - one can never be too careful safeguarding one’s possessions.

Spoiler bonus: Some classic acoustic Noely G after the jump…

A further helping of transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies 

Gokhan Inler to Arsenal
With primary target Melo almost certain to join Juventus, Arsenal have been forced to look elsewhere for a new midfielder. However, reports suggest Arsene Wenger is restricting his search to Serie A and now wants to sign £10 million-rated Gokhan Inler from Udinese.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Arsenal were linked with the Swiss international a lot last summer so hopefully this doesn’t drag on as long as the Andrey Arshavin saga did, especially as this transfer window has been fairly interesting and unpredictable so far.

Tuncay to Everton or Aston Villa
Middlesbrough’s local paper the Evening Gazette states that Aston Villa are looking to complete a £20 million double deal for Stewart Downing and

England/Andorra, World Cup Qualifier, 8.15pm, ITV1

The Three Lions are ever-so-slight 1/200 favourites to make it seven wins out of seven in the World Cup qualifiers against an Andorra side who have never won away from home. This is how The Spoiler would line up.

We disagree with the idea of playing Gary Neville ahead of Glen Johnson, who is a yellow card away from suspension. Fabio Capello wants everyone available to face Croatia at home but we feel having players ruled out for the game after that away to Ukraine could prove just as dangerous.

The biggest talking point is who will partner Frank Lampard in midfield with Gareth Barry suspended and Michael Carrick, Owen Hargreaves and Scott

The games that have made this season worth watching

Now that Manchester Utd have pretty much put the final nail in the coffin of the 2008/09 Premier League title race, it’s high time that we start peddling out some end of season lists. Accordingly, here is a top ten of the campaign’s most entertaining matches, which somehow includes a game involving West Brom…

#10: West Brom 3 - 2 West Ham, 13th September

Gianfranco Zola must have been wondering what he’d signed himself up for, watching his first West Ham game from the stands before taking over as manager. A game with a neutral-baiting mix of awful defending and open attacking play, both teams managed to lose their lead twice before an 83rd minute West Brom counter attack saw Chris Brunt sprint free of the Hammers’ defence and clinically place one inside the far post.

#9: Fulham 0 - 0 Sunderland, 18th October

Sunderland’s early visit to Craven Cottage should go down as the best goalless game of the season. Fulham’s goalmouth literally took a battering. Kieron Richardson, taking time off from his usual job of lying on a physio’s table somewhere, had his 25-yard free-kick bounce between the posts twice (before having another free-kick goal disallowed) and Djibril Cisse’s rasping long ranger was saved by the crossbar. However, the Cottagers created their own opportunities in the back-and-forth battle, with Zoltan Gera having a shot cleared off the line from Pascal Chimbonda before spurning his team’s best chance with a Carragher-esque air kick.

#8: Fulham 2 - 0 Manchester Utd, 21st March

It’s testament to how crap United were

See the Blues’ world famous “stretching in front of giant golden statues” routine and so much more

Ever wondered what Chelsea get up to at their super futuristic Cobham training facility? Us neither, but we have unearthed an insight into the daily routine of Guss Hiddink’s men…

Deco gives himself a thorough eyebrow workout on the pool table.

JT dresses Franco Di Santo every day. Here, the young Argentinean is concerned that El Capitan has messed up the tie and shirt order, but is thankful that he managed to put his pants on before his trousers this time.

See the rest of the snaps after the jump….

Model, DJ, entrepreneur, lover of footballers and royalty

Glamour model Lauren Pope has been displaying her wares on the pages of Playboy, Zoo and FHM for many years, but is best known for being the “girlfriend” of Prince Harry in 2004. Since then, the Page Three girl has enjoyed a relationship with (pre-Abbey Clancy) Peter Crouch, and is said to be stepping out with fun size footballer Shaun Wright Phillips at the moment.

Spurs striker joins Harry Redknapp in singing winger’s praises

Aaron Lennon has been one of Spurs’ better players this season but that has more to do with the fact his fellow midfielders have either been passing sideways or are called David Bentley than because the winger has excelled.

However, the 21-year-old’s recent run of four goals in six games (having scored just one in the previous 51) has prompted Robbie Keane to join Harry Redknapp in talking up his teammate’s England prospects.

“I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t get back in the England squad. He’s a big player for us and is getting better with age. Since I got back to the club I see a more mature player.”

Lennon’s recent form has been reasonably impressive but The Spoiler feels that

These men just couldn’t stay away…

In the biblical tale of the Prodigal Son, a young man ventures to the big city to fill up on wine and hookers before going home to lead a normal domestic life as an accountant, or something. In some ways, it’s exactly the same tale as that of Shaun Wright-Phillips and Manchester City, only without the fatted calf, the hookers, the wine… the bible. But no matter.

This, along with Heskey’s suspected return to Liverpool, got The Spoiler to thinking, and by the time we’d polished off our lunchtime amuse bouche followed by soup, we’d pretty much compiled a team made up of returning players. All with varying degrees of success.

In goal, we went for everyone’s favourite drug-eating maniac, Mark Bosnich.