Real Madrid star should probably stick to the day job

Clearly in need of a little bit of extra cash, Cristiano Ronaldo has agreed to sing in an advert for Banco Espírito Santo, a Portuguese bank.

Is it just us, or is it reassuring to know that there are some things C-Ron isn’t good at?

Celebrity Hammers fan perplexes Americans with football ritual

After calling George Bush a “retarded cowboy” and sharing some choice words about the Jonas Brothers’ lifestyle choices at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards, Russell Brand was asked back to present the 2009 show. Thanks to the antics of detestable rapper Kanye West, the former Guardian football columnist went relatively unnoticed at this year’s show, but footage of the West Ham fan promoting it has been brought to The Spoiler’s attention.

In an interview with Jimmy Fallon (a popular yet unfunny comedian and talk show host with an irritating habit of laughing during his own jokes), the conversation turns towards West Ham, and Brand happily belts out chants commonly heard at the The Boleyn Ground, to the utter bemusement of the American audience.

Check out part two of the interview, which contains the raucous chants, after the jump…

Merry supporter gets a cap in his ass

The 2006 factual documentary Borat would have us believe that Kazakhstan and its neighbouring countries are not quite civilised enough to be familiar with firearms, but an England fan has found out that this is not quite the case.

Getting in some serious drinking preparation before Saturday’s World Cup Qualifier, an over zealous supporter and his friends were chanting in a bar in Kyrgyzstan, apparently oblivious to the fact that Kyrgyzstan is an entirely different country to Kazakhstan (just like we were before we looked it up on Wikipedia).

A local in the bar took exception to their obnoxious singing and asked them to stop. When they failed to comply, the angry Kyrgyzstani skipped the part where he asked them politely again, instead choosing to shoot one of them in the leg with a pistol.

The injured man - believed to be from Rochdale - was rushed to a hospital, where the bullet was removed. He is said to be recovering after discharging himself, but it is not known if he has stopped chanting yet.

A tip of the hat to handsome devil Brooks Peck for the image

Arsenal gaffer unimpressed by striker’s dulcet tones

No, Emmanuel Adebayor isn’t being tortured by Jack Bauer, that noise you hear is a pre-match serenade that the Togolese man loves to deliver. As you can see, Arsene Wenger enjoys the ritual very much.

‘That’s what I’m talking about,’ catchphrase conspicuous by its absence

We posted this rather lengthy clip a month ago, but now it seems very clear why Sir Alan would favour former salesman Lee in the race for a lucrative job…