Coppa del Carling time again kids

Above, a memorable evening at Oakwell over a decade ago, but Barnsley’s task may be slightly easier tonight for the absence of Schmeichel, Beckham, Cole, Sheringham et al. Sky Sports 2 at 7:45 is the place to be if you want to see Championship strikers humiliating Rio.

Elsewhere, the U17 World Cup continues where the U20 left off last week - in a vapour of anonymity. It’s Argentina v Germany at 3pm, before Brazil and Mexico are allowed to stay up a bit past their bedtime, to entertain us at 6pm. All the fun on Eurosport 2. There’s a Eurosport 2?

The European Commission’s decision to deny Sky Sports the right to broadcast every televised game will again hit fans in the wallet

The Spoiler hoped that the one good thing that could potentially stem from Setanta’s collapse would be Premier League football being made cheaper to watch - obviously we weren’t too optimistic but we kept our fingers crossed.

However, it has today been confirmed that ESPN’s new UK channel will launch on August 3 at a premium of £9 a month to Sky Sports customers and £12 to those who have Sky without the sports packages.

Whereas with Setanta, you were also getting FA Cup, Blue Square Premier, Bundesliga and international games thrown in for your money, ESPN’s 46

Modest Portuguese star neglects to convey useful information during probing Q and A

Will Cristiano Ronaldo score in tonight’s Champions League final? Will he finally make his escape to Real Madrid in the summer? For disappointing and inconclusive answers to these and many other pertinent questions, check out this Q and A session with esteemed Sky Sports journalist Cristiano Ronaldo.

[Dirty Tackle]

Brazilian quizzed by football fans

Lucky Sky Sports readers have had the opportunity to put their questions to Robinho. Presumably, inquiries regarding grotesque wages, nightclub visits and mysterious trips to Brazil were off the menu, but football fan Alex Gameli managed to ask the Brazilian which five players he would like to see in the Manchester City squad and why. Robinho responded:

Kaka. Messi. Let me see. Deco. Adriano. I don’t think we would need anymore. These four would be it. These four are enough!

Not only does Robinho fail to address the why part of the question, but he also neglects to name a fifth player in his South America-centric selection (perhaps he has reserved that spot for himself). Kaka and Messi are obvious inclusions, but Deco and Adriano are rather interesting choices.

Our favourite question, however, came from a Manchster City fan:

“I have seen City transform from a laughing stock to a growing global financial empire. With that being said, where do you see City in 10 years’ time?”

Aren’t City currently a laughing stock and a growing global financial empire?

We celebrate the best reason to stay in on Saturday afternoon

“The only bad thing about going to support your team on Saturday is that you miss Jeff Stelling,” says one loyal member of the latter day Church of Soccer Saturday. In tribute to the man who once suggested fans would be “dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight,” we have lovingly compiled his best moments.

And no, none of them are from Countdown…

1. The J man dances with a singing James Brown toy as a player with the same name scores for his beloved Hartlepool. An encore ensues minutes later when he scores again. This is the same Hartlepool FC who have a monkey as a mascot. A monkey who also happens to be the Mayor of Hartlepool. Life is wonderful.

2. Jeff’s legendary rant rant explaining why Middlesbrough - which had been voted the Worst Place to Live in England - is in fact a very nice area. His tirade gets broken up by an ad break but he continues when the programme resumes only stopping when a goal is scored. We are used to his encyclopaedic football knowledge, but knowing the exact date of birth and birth address of the late Brian Clough is impressive, if not a tad peculiar.

Now that’s how you impartially report a game!

While Alan Shearer’s pseudo-analysis on Match of the Day fell well short of the mark again (his nervous stumbling and lack of insight gave the impression he had never appeared on television before), the chaps at Sky Sports did a superb job on Soccer Saturday.

The pace and excitement in the studio made for great viewing - just look how excited Phil Thompson gets about a team his club has no formal ties to.

We’re not entirely pleased with the folks at Sky, though. Remember last Tuesday when we analysed Chelsea’s form since Steve Clarke’s departure? Well look who did almost the exact same thing on Friday.

And yes, Lawro, we saw you reaching a similar conclusion over Mr Clarke on Football Focus too.

All the latest transfer rumours/gossip/lies

On the fifth day of the transfer window, there are more reports about players staying where they are than there are exciting stories of those moving on to bigger and better things. Here are today’s top rumours:

Scott Parker might not join Manchester City
Any West Ham fans that were hoping Manchester City might solve the clubs’ financial problems in one go by paying over the odds could be left disappointed. Last night Sky Sports delivered the exclusive news that Parker would sign for the club withing 48 hours but this morning they have contradicted their own story by claiming that West Ham have told them they will not be selling the midfielder.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Parker is the big name departure that would damage West Ham the least so nobody should blame the board for selling if Manchester City are really willing to pay £12 million.

Stewart Downing won’t be sold either
Middlesbrough chairman Steve Gibson has vowed that no star players will leave the club this month following reports that Stewart Downing would submit a transfer request today in an attempt to join Tottenham. Boro have also criticised Spurs and Harry Redknapp

Or should that be Sky’s Fatzone…

This is how two passionate fans saw the key moments from Aston Villa’s remarkable 3-2 win at Everton. Get in there, indeed.

WARNING: If the sight of wobbly man flesh makes you nauseous, don’t watch the last bit.