We celebrate the best reason to stay in on Saturday afternoon

“The only bad thing about going to support your team on Saturday is that you miss Jeff Stelling,” says one loyal member of the latter day Church of Soccer Saturday. In tribute to the man who once suggested fans would be “dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight,” we have lovingly compiled his best moments.

And no, none of them are from Countdown…

1. The J man dances with a singing James Brown toy as a player with the same name scores for his beloved Hartlepool. An encore ensues minutes later when he scores again. This is the same Hartlepool FC who have a monkey as a mascot. A monkey who also happens to be the Mayor of Hartlepool. Life is wonderful.

2. Jeff’s legendary rant rant explaining why Middlesbrough - which had been voted the Worst Place to Live in England - is in fact a very nice area. His tirade gets broken up by an ad break but he continues when the programme resumes only stopping when a goal is scored. We are used to his encyclopaedic football knowledge, but knowing the exact date of birth and birth address of the late Brian Clough is impressive, if not a tad peculiar.

Now that’s how you impartially report a game!

While Alan Shearer’s pseudo-analysis on Match of the Day fell well short of the mark again (his nervous stumbling and lack of insight gave the impression he had never appeared on television before), the chaps at Sky Sports did a superb job on Soccer Saturday.

The pace and excitement in the studio made for great viewing - just look how excited Phil Thompson gets about a team his club has no formal ties to.

We’re not entirely pleased with the folks at Sky, though. Remember last Tuesday when we analysed Chelsea’s form since Steve Clarke’s departure? Well look who did almost the exact same thing on Friday.

And yes, Lawro, we saw you reaching a similar conclusion over Mr Clarke on Football Focus too.