It’s not all Movida and Chinawhites, apparently…

While most footballers choose to spend the evening tensing their stomach muscles to impress glamour models, some, in their 30s, prefer to keep slightly more sophisticated company. The Spoiler is, of course, referring to Sol Campbell and Freddie Ljungberg - let’s face it, they’re a cut above.

Sol spent most of yesterday evening swanning around at the Inspiration Awards for Women at Cadogan Hall in fashionable London, stopping occasionally to pay compliments to Dame Helen Mirren (pictured after the jump). He was there with his girlfriend Fiona Barratt - the interior designer of choice for rich people like Richard Branson, who allows Sol to leave the house dressed like this.

Elsewhere in the capital, Ljungberg, still twiddling his thumbs football-wise, was caught leaving London’s number one sushi restaurant, Nobu. Kitted up in a sexy leather jacket, the skillful underpants model was there with a beautiful mystery woman, who looked just wonderful as she strode down the pavement playing Snake on her phone.

Yes, it was as you’d imagine, pretty much…

For those of you not popular enough to receive an invite to Defoe’s birthday party at the weekend, it was absolutely amazing. Of course, The Spoiler would have gone, but X Factor was on telly.

All the usual faces piled down to Maya nightclub in London - Crouch and Clancy, Sol Campbell (sucking on a lolly, like Kojak), SWP. By all accounts a great time was had by all, particularly Jodie Marsh who obeyed the club’s mantra of being “cool, sleek and chic” by simulating streetside sexual intercourse (above).

Many happy returns, Jermain.

More pictures after the jump.

Young footballer either brave or mental…

It’s a brave man who crosses the invisible line that divides Arsenal and Spurs, and yet David Bentley is on the verge of doing exactly that. His journey took a detour via Norwich and Blackburn, but even so, he should be in for a choppy ride.

Maniacs like Sol Campbell, Pat Jennings, and, um, Rohan Ricketts have already dared to confuse Seven Sisters and Highbury, and - with the exception of Campbell and Jennings - no one has ever heard from them again.

Can Spurs fans honestly find it in their hearts to forgive Bentley, and take him to their bosoms? Or is this just another impressive show of arrogance on his part?

For a full list of North London madmen, click here.

After the break, Bentley scores a cracker for the Arsenal reserves.

WARNING! Some of these men are old enough to be your brother…

At 66-years-old, Sir Alex Ferguson still knows how to ruffle some feathers and get some backs up. Just this morning he studied the horizon to make sure Scholes and Giggs were out of earshot, and then let rip at Chelsea for being a bunch of bleeding pensioners. The Spoiler is, of course, paraphrasing. But it was a bit like that.

Here’s the big question: How would this team of doddering old fools get on against the younger bucks? Pretty well, we think…

GK Shay Given (32, Newcastle)
Aww, we remember little Seamus when he was just a fresh faced little bunny rabbit playing for Newcastle United, and now look at him - absolutely the same. It’s like the man sleeps in Oil of Olay (or Ulay to people in their 30s). One of the best around.

DL William Gallas (30, Arsenal)
Yes, the snappy defender would probably have one of his toddler tantrums about having to play left back, but it was either him or Phil Neville, and we’re not going to make that mistake again. Just do as you’re told, Gallas, you idiot.

DC Jamie Carragher (30, Liverpool)
Contrary to how it sounds, when Jamie Carragher stands in front of you snorting, hacking and clearing his throat, he’s actually speaking. Thankfully, his on-field communication is much less foggy. A hero.

DC Ricardo Carvalho (30, Chelsea)

North London proves a little bit too edgy for troubled footballers…

People who survive North London are cut from a different cloth to the average gent. That’s probably why Hleb can’t take it, but the likes of Lehmann, Bergkamp and Amy Winehouse can. They’re just a little bit edgier, and don’t seem to mind that one minute the pavements will be littered with drugs paraphernalia, and the next you’ll be diving out of the way of a speeding Range Rover on a gorgeous cobbled street. It is, in short, testing.

Hence, you’d be hard pushed to find an area in the world that football players seem so eager to escape from - and that includes Wigan.

Yet another bad move, Sol

We’ve all done it, gone on holiday and adopted a new “look” for a week, safely assuming that no one will ever know. A certain member of The Spoiler team once wore a clip-on earring to impress girls on holiday - he was ten, and they never knew the difference. Unfortunately for Sol Campbell,  paparazzi don’t turn around and go home the minute he crosses the border.

Wandering along the gorgeous French Riviera with his girlfriend - the interior designer to the stars, Fiona Barratt - Sol can be clearly seen wearing a pair of giant trousers

Don’t leave them alone with the wife

And so to the less charming side of football - the players who would demand extra money if you dared to make them sweat, even just a little bit. The kind of men you wouldn’t want next to you in the trenches. Were this wartime… and people still used trenches.

GK Carlo Cudicini (Chelsea)
Cudicini is in his goalkeeping prime, and yet he’s happy to lay back in the dugout until Cech gets his face obliterated again. Then he’ll feign an injury of his own - slacker films should be made about this guy.

DL Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
A revolting little man, Cole is totally unaware of a world existing outside of his self-made bubble. In his head, he is king, and Chelsea isn’t his club, it’s just the latest in a long list of suckers to tend to his every bottom wiping whim.

DC Sol Campbell (Portsmouth)
Such are his addled nerves and fragile mind that no club could ever rely on keeping Sol Campbell happy - he’s just too sensitive, bless him. For now, he loves Portsmouth, just adores them, but should they EVER show evidence of not being hopelessly devoted to His Highness, he will go. And that’s not a threat. He actually will. Won’t you, Sol? Ahh, why are you crying? See what you’ve done? Now he’s crying.

For those who missed Britain’s Got Talent at the weekend, the conclusion was that it doesn’t… got talent. No one new came along to wow the judges, and the only real positive was the body popping street urchin who made everyone erupt into spontaneous tears of euphoria last year. In a similar vein, it looks like Chelsea have stopped looking for new stars and just want Kaka or Messi - has Abramovich secretly put Cowell in charge of transfers?

Kaka to Chelsea
Milan moneyman Adriano Galliani’s bold declaration that it would take something stupid like £55 million to prize Kaka away was intended to stop people hassling him all the time. What he didn’t take into account is that Abramovich happily spends £55 million on breakfasting and yachts.

Richard Dunne to Newcastle
In his continuing quest to assemble a team which could have won the league in 1999, Keegan is apparently taking a serious look at Dunne - no doubt intending to play him in a defence consisting of him, Steve Howey, Jason McAteer, and Graeme Le Saux. Hey Kevin, you know who’s really good? Alan Shearer!

Gareth Barry to Arsenal
With the rumours heavily suggesting that Flamini is going to flounce off to Italy in the summer, the whisper is that Arsenal are going to challenge Liverpool and Chelsea for Barry’s affections. Which, of course, means that he’s off to Old Trafford to stare awkwardly at Carrick and Hargreaves in training.

The Spoiler presents the best of the angry, drunk and depressed

The main issue that footballers have is that once away from the pitch, what is there to do? God forbid they have to pick up a book and read! The lucky ones play golf and hang out with Gary Neville, while the rest of them stare blank-eyed into the depths of their tortured souls.

How about this team for a freaky dressing room!

GK Mark Bosnich
There was a time when the Australian looked set to become the greatest goalkeeper the world had ever seen, but then he set eyes of silly Sophie Anderton, and went about shoveling cocaine up his nose instead of training. He then became a little bit weird.

DL Ben Thatcher
A horrible man, Thatcher will be remembered mainly for his revolting use of his elbows - most notably on Pedro Mendes of Portsmouth, who took such a wallop that he had a seizure. Serious violence issues, he makes the line-up in front of Ashley Cole, who isn’t so much troubled as just a total bastard.

DC Tony Adams
Forget the straight-faced gentlemanly MOTD2 demeanor, there was a time when Adams would hurl back the beers and set off fire extinguishers in Pizza Hut - all because he was drunk, the idiot. Then there was the time he smashed a Ford Sierra into a wall, shortly before going to prison. Oops (hic!).

DC Paul McGrath
McGrath had the look of a man who would silently strangle people in alleyways, but as defenders go, he was brilliant. Problem was, he was so addicted to drink that he once thought it wise to wolf down some lighter fluid (apparently). Euch.