The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Alan Shearer will be offered a four-year contract
Joe Kinnear’s favourite journalist Simon Bird is reporting that Mike Ashley wants Alan Shearer to sign a four-year contract. The Geordie Messiah failed to pick up the six points from eight games needed to survive yet is still viewed as the ideal man to bring Newcastle back to the Premier League.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Ashley has pretty much botched every major decision he has had to make so it’s no surprise that he is willing to give an unproven manager a long-term deal just to appease the fans.

Franck Ribery to Manchester United
Patrice Evra has described his international teammate Franck Ribery as “the

Simon Jordan moots new league proposals

Crystal Palace’s orange-faced goon chairman Simon Jordan has nothing to do with the Premier League or the Scottish Premier League, but the Daily Record have sought after his well-paid opinion on the matter of whether the Old Firm should be invited to join in with the fun in England:

“Football is evolving all the time and this would be great for the Scottish clubs but they should pay to come down.

“I’d suggest £100million and the immediate financial benefits that arise for both clubs would soon cover it. Their share price would go through the ceiling on the back of massive revenue increases.

“The SPL does not attract a worldwide audience - the Premier League does. It would

Teddy Bears prepare to sell their captain and top scorer

One of the biggest surprises in transferland today is the announcement that Rangers will almost certainly sell Kris Boyd to Birmingham by the end of the week. The striker has scored a whopping twenty goals already this season, and has been the Gers top scorer for three seasons running. Understandably, his sale to a Championship side for just £3.5m has raised more than a few eyebrows in the Scottish capital [er, of football - Ed.].

Captain Barry Ferguson is also said to be on the move for a similar price, although Walter Smith this week denied a move from Newcastle Utd for the player.

Owner Sir David Murray has made no secret of his desire to trim down his squad, arguing that the club lost £10m in projected revenues when they dismally crashed out of the Champions League qualifiers.

During an emergency transfer strategy meeting, Smith and Murray reportedly agreed