It’s easier to buy Newcastle than a St James’ Park season ticket

Having transformed from European contenders into laughing stocks, The Spoiler hoped for the sake of long-suffering fans that Newcastle would at least go down with some dignity but Mike Ashley isn’t letting that happen.

According to today’s Guardian, Ashley has gone off the idea of appointing Alan Shearer as manager - fair enough - but instead plans to keep the post vacant until selling the club, a process that could take over a month. The lack of organisation also means that season-ticket renewal forms still haven’t been sent to fans and there are no pre-season friendlies organised.

The Times are reporting that Ashley has told agents and clubs that every player is available to buy. That wouldn’t be a complete disaster, so long as he a) appoints someone to rebuild immediately and b) doesn’t put an asking price and contact info on every player profile on the club’s website.