The recent furore over St. James Park’s naming rights was clearly the last of many straws - a group of Newcastle United fans have started appeals to banks and local businesses, asking for help in raising enough funds to launch a takeover bid for the club. The Newcastle United Supporters Trust (NUST) claim to have roped in ‘big names in the business and financial world’ to help meet Mike Ashley’s £80m price tag:
We have emailed over 40,000 supporters to ask them if and how they want to buy into the campaign to lead a city-wide bid to buy back the club.
The idea is based on fans investing in the club through a number of financial opportunities which will be held by a local solicitor in an escrow account to demonstrate to Ashley that the fans have proof of funds.
“I suppose nothing surprises me about the current regime, so news they are ready to sell the naming rights isn’t exactly a shock. Whatever next? Why don’t they just go the whole hog and change the name of the club itself? Fans will be horrified, angry and upset about this. They’ve had to put up with a lot in recent months, but this is just another blow.”
Indeed, but who to blame? Well, on selling his shares in Newcastle two years ago to err…. Mike Ashley, Shepherd commented:
“The board believes Mike Ashley will be an excellent custodian of Newcastle United’s heritage and will provide the best possible opportunity for the club to flourish in the future, to the benefit of the company and its fans.”
How’s the whole heritage preservation thing going then Freddie?
The last time Newcastle United made permanent a caretaker manager’s stint, Glenn Roeder was the beneficiary, as he managed to wangle an extra year of shuffling nervously along the touchline. He signed Antoine Sibierski and Olivier Bernard, finished 13th in the table and contrived to lose 5-1 at home to Birmingham City in the FA Cup. What’s more, demonstrations against the Shepherd regime throughout the season, ironically served to usher in the new chairman.
Nevertheless, the past must be a foreign country to Mike Ashley, as he has rewarded caretaker Chris Hughton with an 18 month deal, for unconvincingly managing to keep the best squad of players at the top of their division by a single point.
Yet as anyone who has visited some of his sport shops will know, Ashley isn’t one to leave in tact any fragment of class. Hence his subsequent announcement that naming rights for SJP (not Sarah Jessica Parker - pay attention) are up for grabs. Leave your suggestions below Mackems…
As the player whose arrival at St James’ Park signalled Sir Kevin of Keegan’s impromptu exit, it’s little surprise that Xisco never became a fan favourite.
Dennis Wise’s greatest foray into the transfer market was shipped out on loan to Racing Santander last week, but it has been revealed that this move was born from controversial circumstances.
In his last days at Newcastle, the Spaniard complained of a groin injury and missed training for nine days. Subsequently, he insisted that he would need a further two weeks to recuperate. Just three days after saying this, however, Xisco successfully completed his first training session with Racing. Ruling out the possibility of a miraculous recovery, the player has had the gall/stupidity to admit that he forced his exit by faking the injury.
The Championship’s biggest club ain’t such a big draw no more
The Workers Stadium in Beijing looked set to claim yesterday’s highly un-coveted “Embarrassingly Low Attendance” award, as approximately one man and his dog turned up to see West Ham’s utterly useless performance against Tottenham.
However, the St James’ Park faithful pipped our Eastern friends to the post last night, as just 16,000 people turned up to see the Toon Army face Leeds. When you consider that 5,000 of those were Leeds fans and Newcastle usually fill their 52,000 seater stadium, this is pretty shocking stuff.
The crowd - whose fercious support was augmented by cheering noises played over the tannoy system - was rewarded for their efforts with a dull 0-0 draw. We were going to post a highlights video, but it’s probably best that we all just get on with the rest of our lives instead.
In a vain attempt to sell what they are describing as their “Stylish New Change Kit” (a semi-decipherable Geordie idiom meaning “Abhorrent New Away Kit”), Newcastle have taken the unusual step of offering a twenty per cent discount for fans who order The Championship’s hottest garment before Sunday. Because nothing shows confidence in a new product quite like reducing its price immediately.
There was unanticipated demand for the new shirt since it went on sale yesterday, but as the Northern Echo report, it wasn’t the good kind of unanticipated demand:
JUST three people queued to buy Newcastle United’s much - ridiculed new strip as it went on sale yesterday.
[..]
Yesterday’s scene was in stark contrast to when rivals Sunderland launched their away kit earlier this month.
Thousands of fans queued to get their hands on a shirt, while big name players signed autographs and chatted to fans.
The first person bursting through the club shop doors to get his hands on it was 18-year-old Stephen Watson. Far from happy with being named as the first buyer, his thoroughly ashamed reaction is similar to that of a person queuing to snap up some fur coats, 40+ pornography and incontinence pants:
“I don’t even like the shirt but I’m a Newcastle fan so I am still happy to buy it.
“Now I’ve actually got my hands on it thought I think I might wear a jumper on top of it.”
Stephen Watson’s sense of self esteem will hopefully improve if more people will show up at St James’ park today, where “Toon heroes” will be signing the new shirts.
Chow down at the Championship’s biggest stadium this Sunday
Newcastle fans desperately searching for a Father’s Day gift for the old man they don’t particularly like are in luck.
The club are advertising a lunch at St James’ Park this Sunday, designed to remind maligned relatives of the misery they have had to endure for the past year at the home of the Magpies. And it’s only £19.95 per person (or a seemingly impossible £9.975 for kids) - that kind of money wouldn’t buy a bread roll at a Premier League ground!
Don’t delay - remind your dad of the disappointment his club have piled on him now! (Just don’t blame us if the chefs turn out to be as incompetent as the board.)
Before The Spoiler was distracted by this thoroughly tempting offer, we were going to mention the fact that Newcastle appear to have neglected Alan Shearer in their future plans. Season ticket applications have finally been sent out to fans, and the accompanying literature makes no reference to the latest Geordie Messiah.
The soft southern journalists at the Daily Mail believe Chris Hughton will take the managerial reins at the club, fulfilling the wishes of managing director Derek Llambias.
Former Dons boss keen to take control at SJP full time
We hope you were wearing your betting shoes yesterday, as we gave you five compelling reasons for Joe Kinnear’s first victory in black and white stripes. Yet despite getting five points from four games and expressing a keen desire to remain at the club full time, Big Joe’s future in the North East is no clearer than that of Mike Ashley:
“I have got no idea who is going to buy the place, but I can throw my hat in the ring whoever buys it. I am not going to get another chance like this.”
“But I really don’t know, to be honest. I know it is obviously for sale, but who is going to buy it, I have got no idea.”
Newcastle fans have never been entirely keen on those of southern persuasion, but Joe seems to have brought a ‘no nonsense’ attitude which has given the club some much-needed stability. But has he already earned the right to take the job permanently? Let us know with a vote and comment below…
Spoiler video bonus: Check out extended highlights of last night’s victory over West Brom after the jump…
Loading ...