Once more unto the breach…

The above headline may have had you spluttering over your chocolate fingers at breakfast this morning, but that quite frankly, should teach you to buy the Daily Mirror. This site and Stanley Victor Collymore have what could be described as form, and yet again, our intense admiration for Collymore the player, has degenerated into scorn for Stan the pundit.

Let’s take a closer look at today’s thoughts:

The Premier League is considered by many to be the best league in the world but I think drastic reform is needed to keep it at the pinnacle.

In some of the finest Schools of Journalism, they teach that a good way to indicate you are about to waste a few minutes of your reader’s time, is to make the opening sentence nonsensical, thus hinting to the reader to go and do something else. Here Stan delivers, pointing out that the success of the Premier League (which lies in its top-to-bottom competitiveness) could only be maintained by ditching any competition outside of who wins the thing. It’s the equivalent of Terry Leahy advocating Tesco stop pushing the food element so much.

Turning now to the hub of Stan’s argument:

And there would be no promotion or relegation which would allow those teams to grow.

No it would not. After all, with no threat of relegation, why should any chairman or team outside the top three make any effort to win the league, or even to improve? Why should fans care or go anymore? If a team is 10 points clear at the top by November, what interest is there for the rest of the season?

It would make a pleasant change from watching some of the smaller clubs in the Premier League in recent times like Reading, Wigan and Bolton.

Perhaps. So why write in the same column, “So there is very much a place for Stoke City in the top-flight and I have enormous respect for their wily manager Pulis.” Having never won a league or FA Cup, it seems unlikely Stoke would be there as one of the, “biggest and most successful sides in modern history.”

Fans around the world want to see the huge games - not clashes involving clubs like Barnsley, Watford or Hull.

A bit like arguing, that because the Sun is the biggest selling newspaper, people only want to have that one paper in their newsagents. And that we should close down the Mirror. Hang on a sec actually…

The Football League would still function if you are a Wigan or a Notts County or a smaller club.

Well Notts County, as the oldest club in the country, would probably stake a claim to being one of the clubs who have ”contributed the most over the last 100 years.”
In addition, the point is untrue. The only thing that keeps all four divisions going, is the hope for even the smallest teams, that one day, they may mix it with the big boys. Stymie that hope, and there is nothing left. Fact.

There is little precedent in other sports for the system of meritocracy if you look at the NFL.

Ah, the NFL. Well Stan, take a look at the global tv audience for Liverpool vs Manchester United yesterday, and compare that to the American Football at Wembley. The Premier League wins by a distance - so we shall take no lessons from the NFL thanks.

No further questions your honour. And Stan, we’ll still never forget that goal against Atletico Madrid. Even after all this.

Updates from important people

We here at thespoiler are committed to bringing you the big breaking Twitter stories. First off, in quite a maudlin post at 8pm last night, Darren Bent admires the England strip from afar:

That all white kit looks so nice

Well if your manager keeps passing over two-goal rival strikers for his MOTM decision, maybe you’ll get back in there DB.

Daniel Gabbidon however, has more pressing things on his mind. As a Welshman, he is more concerned with the England left back’s wife than the England left back. Responding to the stunning news that Cheryl will mime her performance on the weekend’s X Factor (<sigh>), the Gabb issues his response:

Cheryl Cole did anyone really think she was going to humiliate herself by singing live its not in her locker! x

Finally, to our old pal here at thespoiler, Stan Collymore. Watching the Argentina game late last night, Colly tweeted:

It’s funny,when I look at Maradona I can’t think of the cheating,the drugs etc,I just think of the pure footballing genius of the man.weird!

Is Stan the Man trying to subliminally whitewash his own reputation. A magnificent footballer, scorer of some wonderful goals, but how many people will remember him for the ‘other stuff’?

England legend looks back on career highs and high jinx

In his latest interview with talkSPORT, we’re delighted to see Paul Gascoigne back to his usual chirpy self. At times we needed our Geordie translator to interpret, but his stories of Stan Collymore nudity and playful fire exstinguisher fights with Liam Gallagher are well worth hearing.

The video above is part two of the interview, check out part one (released last week) after the jump…

After The Spoiler’s visit to Stan’s talkSPORT studio, the gulf between blogs and former players is wider than ever.

Dear Stan,

Oh dear. That didn’t go too well, did it? Not radio’s finest half hour. Still, thanks for having me.

There seems to be some confusion over my comment that players can’t be fans, not least because it was so poorly articulated, so let’s clear that one up. You say that fans cannot have the same appreciation of the game that players have. “Have you ever been in a professional dressing room?” you asked. (Of course I haven’t - why would I?) And only an imbecile would attempt to argue that this doesn’t give you an exclusive perspective on the game. So I agree - as players you have direct, first hand knowledge of situations that spectators can only watch and speculate about.

My point was that by the same standard, players cannot have the same experience of the game that fans have. Yes you can have supported a team since childhood, yes you can still put your scarf on and go and watch them. But the fans’ experience is one of identifying with their team at one remove - we don’t score the goals ourselves, you do it on our behalf. We don’t save the penalties with your own hands, you do it for us. Fans spend years of their lives meditating on football and develop immensely sophisticated and emotional theories about the game, but we don’t know first hand what the pressures and personalities are that shape play - we can only guess. So you can either know what it’s like to play professional football or wonder what it’s like to play professional football, but not both. (And this is not to mention players being unable to physically participate in the fans’ experience of following the team, week in, week out or the contradiction of having to wear the colours of one team while supporting another.)

So when you set out your credentials as a fan - you mentioned the time when your drove to see England with your home made flag - I don’t doubt your passion for the occasion, but when you sit in the stands, you are Stan the ex-pro, not Stan the fan. People want to talk

Have your say on the Bendtner issue

Thanks to everybody who tuned in to talkSPORT last night to hear Stan Collymore shout at us every time we tried to answer a question defend his view on Nicklas Bendtner’s ‘Hero of the Weekend’ status. If you have an opinion on the subject, why not cast a vote at the talkSPORT website?

Click here to listen to talkSPORT live online

The Spoiler have accepted Stan Collymore’s invitation to appear on his talkSPORT radio show tonight. Tune in from 9pm to catch Ed Needham argue with the former Aston Villa and Liverpool striker over his decision to name Nicklas Bendtner his “hero of the weekend”.

Yesterday Stan Collymore commented on a Spoiler story and requested a response. Here it is:

Dear Stan,

First, thanks for writing.

Second, The Spoiler very much enjoys your work on talkSPORT, although if you could occasionally let callers finish their remarks before reaching for the megaphone, you would be an even better broadcaster.

Third, the hat-trick you scored for Leicester against Sunderland was one of the finest three-goal efforts ever assembled, and one I’m not sure Sunderland have ever recovered from. Leicester certainly haven’t.

But that’s enough flattery. Let’s move on to your observations.

Just a small point, but you’re wrong about this being an anonymous blog. Every post has the name of the poster beneath it, right underneath all those mysterious hieroglyphics and after the date the story was posted. Furthermore, if you go to the very bottom of the site and click on “About Us” you can also see the names and contact details for the names of the people who run the site.

As for “The notion that you cannot be man of the match because one misses several chances is probably the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard,” well, where to begin? In your Mirror column you didn’t call Bendtner man of the match but “Hero of the weekend,” a weekend on which Steven Gerrard orchestrated an historic evisceration of Man United. Even within the Arsenal game, you would struggle to find anyone to agree that Bendtner played better than Arshavin. The Spoiler probably also suspects that if you took a moment to reflect, you’d have to admit that you have heard more ludicrous things before.

The Spoiler agrees that you

No it’s not Emmanuel Adebayor, it’s this man…

Stan Collymore has started a one man mission to convince the world that Nicklas Bendtner is going to become a top quality striker.

Anyone who tuned in to talkSPORT on Saturday evening will have heard the former Liverpool striker condemn the nasty Arsenal fans for a barracking that never actually took place. Indeed The Spoiler’s booing expert watched the game in eager anticipation of some top quality jeering and was left disappointed as the majority of supporters instead got behind the Dane after every miss, chanting “Super Nicklas Bendtner”.

The controversial pundit wasn’t prepared to end his campaign there though and today named the striker “Hero of the Weekend”