Chelsea’s recent freebies haven’t had much success at the Bridge

Chelsea’s decision to bring in Ross Turnbull on a free transfer makes sense: they get to fill the squad place vacated last January by Carlo Cudicini on the cheap and if a year or two down the line they want to upgrade, he’s young enough for them to make a profit on him.

But is the former Middlesbrough keeper going to stay the duration of his four-year contract and prove a shrewd acquisition or will he be swiftly written of as a failure? Chelsea’s recent record at signing out-of-contract players suggest that the latter is more likely.

The last four players that the Blues have picked up for nothing - Steve Sidwell, Tal Ben Haim, Claudio Pizarro and Mineiro - started a combined 21 league

The reason for one of the worst tattoos ever

Despite sexy competition from the likes of Michaela Henderson-Thynne, Nicola Tappenden, Elle Isaac and Jadene Bircham, Krystell Sidwell was voted the best supporting lady in ITV2 series WAGs Boutique.

The young blonde met Aston Villa’s Steve Sidwell ten years ago while at school, and clearly made an impression on him - following their wedding in 2005, he had their 100 word wedding vows tattooed on his back.

Also appearing on computer near you…

Robin van Persie and his CGI friends want you to buy football boots
[101GG]

Manchester United get one of the worst Champions League draws possible
[chickendinner]

Google wants you to hire Rodney Marsh for your next social function
[Off The Post]

Is ‘Arry going to bring Steve Finnan back to the UK?
[Daily Mail]

An anatomy of an internet rumour
[Deadspin]

Steve Sidwell loves the Rocky franchise, so has named his new son Rocko. Um, why not Rocky?
[Kickette]

Friday treat: A lost Heidi Klum photoshoot
[Derober]

Proof that some of the best bargains can be found after Christmas

After yesterday’s worst January transfers XI, The Spoiler feels the need to show a little more positivity, without showing any more imagination. Hence, the best January window signings XI hath been declared. See what we did there?

David James (West Ham to Manchester City), 2004 - £2m
Calamity James wasn’t as good at City as he has been at Pompey, but Scott Carson (Leeds to Liverpool, 2005) was the only other suitable candidate. Despite profiting £2.5m on the latter, Carson only managed four league games for the Reds.

Patrice Evra (Monaco to Man Utd), 2006 - £5.5m
He wasn’t an instant hit at Old Trafford (he was subbed on his debut at half time in a 3-1 defeat to rivals Man City), but has since proved his worth. In his first full season at the club he became United’s first choice left-back ahead of Argentine Gabriel ‘why-won’t-you-let-me-go-to-arch-rivals-Liverpool’ Heinze, and has been a mainstay in a side that has won two consecutive league titles and a Champions League.

Nemanja Vidic (Spartak Moscow to Man Utd), 2006 - £7m
Vidic signed at the same time as Evra and endured a similarly disappointing start in

Use your vote wisely…

The scenario: You’re the manager of a Premier League team, and you’re allowed to strengthen your squad by signing just one player in the January transfer window. But you can only choose someone from Aston Villa’s squad - so who do you pick?

Your options: Captain Gareth Barry is obviously in the frame, and it’s hard to overlook the youthful promise of Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor. Or you might want a big bruiser like John Carew. At the back, Brad Friedel is a rock, while Martin Laursen is a class act at the heart of Villa’s back four.

So much choice, but there can be only one. The decision is yours. Vote below:

Try to keep up, squares…

To keep ahead of the style game you need to keep a close eye on footballers and their delicious WAGs. Had you asked The Spoiler on Friday about the best motorbikes and shoes in the world, we’d have said something about two-wheeled Hondas and ironic 80s sneakers. It’s embarrassing to remember how behind the times we were back in those days.

We now know different. We now know that it’s all about Circus Chic, darling.

As Shaun Wright Phillips and Steve Sidwell (above) proved over the weekend, the best freewheelin’ motorbikes are Harley Davidson tricycles (suitable for children?) . And anyone who saw Robbie Keane and his wife Claudine Palmer out and about on the streets of Liverpool know that, if they really want to be a la mode, women simply must start wearing stilts.

Observe the proof after the jump…

Flame-haired midfielder was cut a slim slice of the profit cake

Following his transfer to Chelsea in July 2007, Steve Sidwell insisted he was not at the club to ‘make up the numbers’. Despite this, he only ended up playing fifteen times for the Blues, and was shipped off to the Midlands a few weeks ago.

Sidwell’s lack of first team football, however, may not have been the only motivation for his departure from West London. According to a friend of The Spoiler, each Chelsea player is given a quarterly cheque to remunerate them for image rights of merchandise sold in the club shop (each time an item is sold featuring a particular player’s name, said player receives a small amount of the profit). Most players’ cheques ran into the thousands, provoking much jubilation as the envelopes were opened. Sidwell, however, was less bothered about punching the air - one of his was for the princely sum of £16.80.

This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

In a crushing blow for fans of overweight Brazilians, it is being reported on the AC Milan website that a deal has been agreed to bring Ronaldinho to the San Siro this coming season. Just to rub it in, it’s thought that Milan aren’t even offering Barca as much cash, and Ronny’s agent brother claimed he had negotiated a £25m deal with Citeh just yesterday. Still, it could all be a blessing in disguise - the podgy one, pictured above with AC Milan bigwig Adriano Galliani, would have undoubtedly capsized the trawler on the way to the Faroe Islands tomorrow…

Valon Behrami to West Ham
The right-back known as the “Swiss David Beckham” has invoked another weird contract clause that will allow West Ham to sign him for £1.5 million rather than the £11 million Lazio have demanded. It casts doubts over the future of captain Lucas Neill, who may ruin the party for City fans happy they avoided Ronaldinho.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If the Daily Mail are actually printing something positive about West Ham, it must be true

Anton Ferdinand rejects Newcastle
Newcastle’s madcap scheme of basing their transfer recruiters in London hasn’t helped them bring in any defenders this summer. First, Richard Dunne decided he’d rather win his thousandth player of the season award at Man City and now Soulja Boy Ferdinand has decided that not even the Newcastle nightlife is enough to make playing with Joey Barton sound tempting.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: West Ham seem happy to lose Anton but he doesn’t want to go

Tal Ben-Haim to Man City
Slimeball Peter Kenyon is still laughing after flogging flop Steve Sidwell for £5 million