Hey Stoke, West Brom and Hull, welcome to the Premier League party! Before you take off your jackets and get too comfortable, you might want to consider what happened to the last few guys who made it into the top twenty:
Only once have all three newly promoted sides survived - Fulham, Blackburn and Bolton in 2001-02. All three have been ever present since.On the only occasion that all three promoted sides went straight back down - Bolton, Barnsley and Crystal Palace in 1997-98 - none of them returned for four years.
Only 24 of the 47 clubs promoted into the Premier League have survived their first season.
Ten of the 16 Championship winners have survived, including five of the last seven, while four of the last five play-off winners have gone straight back down, three by finishing last.
Whether you believe it’s doom and gloom for the newbies, or you feel that some of the other top flight teams have outstayed their welcome (as chickendinner do), you are well advised to have a butchers at the Premier League relegation graph we helped produce with Betfair. It’s dead fancy, includes a link to a free £10 bet and will help you make an informed decision on the relegation battle. Take a look now!
Time for predictions that might look foolish in a few months
We’ve all been abnormally interested in dull sports like sailing and young aggressive divers of late, but fortunately that’s all about to change with the start of the Premier League season. Arsenal are virtually guaranteed the top spot for a few hours owing to their 12.45 kick off against newbies West Brom, but will they be able to hold onto that lead until the bitter end, or will they bottle it like last year? Vote below, please…
Everyone was as bad as everyone else in the Championship last year, but somehow West Brom, Stoke and Hull managed to secure a money-spinning year with the big boys. Will any of those clubs stay buoyant, or will they suffer the same fate as Crystal Palace, Bolton, and Barnsley in 1997/98, whose collective appearance in the Premiership was all too brief. Let us know below…
Appearing in the Premier League for one season only…
Only once in Premier League history have all three promoted sides gone straight back down (Barnsley, Bolton and Palace in 1997/98) and for that reason it’s unlikely that West Brom, Stoke and Hull will all make a swift return to the Championship. Then again, looking at our team comprising the three newcomers’ best players, they’ll have their work cut out. Even Bolton wouldn’t touch most of these guys…
[Now including eleventh man George Boateng, a player who always slips under the radar, which might explain how we managed to leave him out of our initial list! - Ed.]
Scott Carson (West Brom)
A season away from the spotlight will benefit the 22-year-old whose form last season was clearly affected by the scrutiny that followed his England error. Carson’s last relegation battle was with Charlton two years ago and their fans voted him Player of the Year.
Marek Cech (West Brom)
The Slovakian left-back scored the equaliser that killed off Ireland’s slim Euro 2008 qualification hopes once and for all. He ended three seasons at Porto with three league titles and arrives with Champions League experience - not that the Baggies will be needing that!
Leon Cort (Stoke)
Neil Warnock’s decision to offload Carl Cort’s younger bro couldn’t have worked out better for the centre-back, with Stoke coming to his rescue and then taking him to the Premier League. Cort has
In a crushing blow for fans of overweight Brazilians, it is being reported on the AC Milan website that a deal has been agreed to bring Ronaldinho to the San Siro this coming season. Just to rub it in, it’s thought that Milan aren’t even offering Barca as much cash, and Ronny’s agent brother claimed he had negotiated a £25m deal with Citeh just yesterday. Still, it could all be a blessing in disguise - the podgy one, pictured above with AC Milan bigwig Adriano Galliani, would have undoubtedly capsized the trawler on the way to the Faroe Islands tomorrow…
Valon Behrami to West Ham
The right-back known as the “Swiss David Beckham” has invoked another weird contract clause that will allow West Ham to sign him for £1.5 million rather than the £11 million Lazio have demanded. It casts doubts over the future of captain Lucas Neill, who may ruin the party for City fans happy they avoided Ronaldinho.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If the Daily Mail are actually printing something positive about West Ham, it must be true
Anton Ferdinand rejects Newcastle
Newcastle’s madcap scheme of basing their transfer recruiters in London hasn’t helped them bring in any defenders this summer. First, Richard Dunne decided he’d rather win his thousandth player of the season award at Man City and now Soulja Boy Ferdinand has decided that not even the Newcastle nightlife is enough to make playing with Joey Barton sound tempting.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: West Ham seem happy to lose Anton but he doesn’t want to go
Tal Ben-Haim to Man City
Slimeball Peter Kenyon is still laughing after flogging flop Steve Sidwell for £5 million
After giving our two cents on how the five top flight London clubs should spend their cash yesterday, today we look at how the Premier League newcomers should invest their modest budgets in the closed season…
West Brom
Top priority:
Some new defenders - West Brom have got guys capable of scoring goals but at the back they are very leaky. They let in 55 goals last season and the last time the Championship winners conceded that many was way back in 1961. Don’t do what Derby did and sign a load of rubbish defenders though.
Fitting the bill: Calum Davenport, Michael Dawson, Stephen Kelly
Stoke
Top priority:
A Plan B - So Stoke won promotion by being brutish and scoring from Rory Delap’s long throws but Watford showed that physicality alone isn’t enough to survive. Last season Stoke forward Mamady Sidibe started 35 games and scored just four goals - more firepower is a must.
Fitting the bill: Harry Kewell, Shane Long, Marlon Harewood
Hull
Top priority:
Some youth and depth - Hull are ridiculed for relying heavily on old-timers Dean Windass and Nick Barmby but there’s nothing wrong with this policy as long as they are supplemented by some talented youngsters to help share the workload. A bit more quality and depth in defence is also a must.
Fitting the bill: Colin Kazim Richards, Younes Kaboul, Ali Al Habsi, Linvoy Primus
Congratulations, Bioparco Zoo in Rome, you have a name that sounds like a weird 80s B-movie about strange mutant animals eating innocent people, but also, you’re now home to a brand new baby giraffe, who is yet to be named. The Spoiler would like to suggest a strong name like Agamemnon or Greg. It’s your call. In other exciting news, transfer speculation has been going through the roof!
Peter Crouch to leave for free
Crouch is livid that Benitez has demanded £15 million for his services and is ready to stick two gigantic fingers up at his boss by sitting awkwardly on the bench for another year. Then, come summer, he can pack his enormous suitcase and head somewhere else for nothing.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Hey, Peter’s supposed to be a friendly giant… but then again, so was Lennie in Of Mice and Men, and everyone knows what happened there. Right?
Rafael van der Vaart to Chelsea
Just as they like to tempt fantastic players to their club, Chelsea also like to maintain a fine stable of WAGs. Rafael’s wife, Sylvie, would make for a splendid inclusion.
Who will enjoy a fleeting stay in the Premiership next season?
For its entry, “Terminal Five - a 21st Century Nightmare”, the British Airports Authority has unanimously been awarded this year’s gold medal in the coveted Customer Disappointment Awards. A very special mention, however, goes to all 24 teams of the Coca Cola Championship, especially those vain enough to consider themselves worthy of promotion. The judges said “Congratulations to all of you for consistently letting your fans down. When faced with the opportunity to go top, you have rarely failed to squander the opportunity and your ability to throw away points, even at home against truly pathetic opposition, has not gone unnoticed. You truly are an absolute shower, and woe betide the three of you who make it into the Premier League next season.”
The statistics
* The lowest number of league wins a team has won the title with in the last 20 years is 23 (Middlesbrough, 1995; Sunderland, 1996). Stoke can’t achieve that, Watford would need to win their remaining five, Bristol City need four from four, Hull four from five - hence West Brom have the advantage.
It looks as if Bolton and Fulham will be getting some away games at the likes of Norwich and Blackpool next year, but who will be joining the big boys next year? The Championship is to tight it makes the Prem look like a foregone conclusion (although some would argue it is already), and tonight Stoke can climb to the top of the pile. It won’t be easy though, as a Crystal Palace win will see them back in the play-off pack. The bookies fancy Stoke, and there’s some great value to be had in the half-time/full-time market - check it out here.
