Insight into why he has the turning speed of a block of flats…

Ex-Spurs Steed Malbranque and Andy Reid were never the tallest of players, but this is just silly.

Spurs talisman may call time on his career, for his own good…

It was all smiles around White Hart Lane this Saturday, as Heurelho Gomes‘ heroics and a wanky penner from derided ex-Spur Darren Bent propelled Tottenham to 4th spot, after a 2-0 victory against Sunderland. However, not everything went to plan for Harry Redknapp’s men - vice-captain Ledley King was subbed, through injury, 10 mins after the restart.

So far this season King has only played a full 90 minutes five times in eight league games, despite his infamous ultra-low intensity training sessions. Contract up for renewal in the summer, the Spurs backroom have a genuine dilemma on their hands as to whether the defender should stay on - and the cons are stacked against him.

I think we can safely say this is a step too far

Wow.

We follow them so you don’t have to

Above is a revealing snapshot into the life of a top footballer. Having mentioned the magnificent breakfast cereal Weetabix via his Twitter account, the good people at said product sent Darren Bent an entire box full. Because on 65k a week, it’s not as if he could afford his own. At this point, we’d like to add that thespoiler loves all breakfast cereals, indeed all foods, in fact all products ever made.

Meanwhile, no such luxury for James Collins, who spent last night watching ITV2 with his wife. Just after the conclusion of ‘Peter Andre: The Next Chapter’, Collins tweeted:

thinks Peter Andre is a top geeza!!

But the next programme was not to this televisual conniosseur’s liking. And who can blame him? At 10pm last night, ITV united two oxygen thieves in the same slot, by showing ‘Fearne and Peaches Geldof.’ Sadly, thespoiler was too busy chewing it’s own arm off to watch, but the promo we received promised, ‘Fearne gains exclusive access to the controversial Peaches Geldof - presenter, journalist, designer, party girl and daughter of Bob Geldof. In this extraordinary and revealing encounter, Fearne follows Peaches to discover the truth behind the headlines.’

Collins’ verdict was more succint:

Peaches Geldofa……….what a c*nt!!

American + goalkeeper = dull

Fresh from the greatest night of his career, American penalty wall Brad Guzan, must have been in a buoyant mood when he turned on his computer . But what would he say - would we get a description of a jubilant Villa dressing room? A brief exposition of his penalty saving secrets perhaps? Or how it feels to be on the sports pages of every newspaper in the country?

What’s that Brad?

on to the next one…

Ah, ok.

Updates from important people

Morning peeps I might go to the beach today lol ha ha

Its not just Manchester United who score late, by Danny Harris

Republic of Ireland were robbed of a credible draw at the weekend, after scoring late only to see their opponents Italy equalise with stunning impertinence.

After the jump, we choose our six favourite similarly chaotic upside-down closing stages:

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Amazing - Chelsea vs Liverpool. In Nigeria. If anyone has the full film, we’ll swap you our life savings and children.

Watford’s Jay DeMerit is out of action after suffering an injury that made The Spoiler cringe for about half an hour. And it’s not a broken leg.
[Daily Mail]

Unsurprisingly, it’s not worth taking anything Ian Wright says in those rubbish adverts for the The Sun seriously.
[The Times]

Want to sound knowledgeable at the office watercooler during the next (inevitable) Calciopoli scandal? Click on…
[Juventus.The Offside]

Evil Ronaldo bobblehead haunts our dreams. We’re sorry for calling you fat! (Not really)
[Dirty Tackle]

Darren Bent twitter update: He’s not visiting Tiger Tiger again, as he got ‘pure hassle’ from Newcastle fans last night. Also, Fraizer Campbell is back on XBOX Live. Hurrah!
[@dbthetruth]

Arsenal youth prospect Mark Randall’s alleged WAG poses NSFW-ishly
[ZOO Today]