Here’s where we think teams will finish in 2008/09, based on their signings so far

[click table to enlarge]

As the only big four club to sign a truly big name, Chelsea take the lead in The Spoiler’s inaugural transfer prediction league.

Tottenham climb ahead of Liverpool after moving quickly to make three big signings, and reports that Lukas Podolski could be on his way help strengthen their position. It’s vital they keep hold of Robbie Keane though who is being linked with a move to Liverpool.

Rafa Benitez has signed Philipp Degen and Andrea Dossena but Liverpool still look

Today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…

The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run

Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Guardiola may want

All of today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Before Euro 2008, Manchester City and Everton were leading the chase for the fashion student/amazing footballer. Unfortunately he revealed himself to be world class and now looks like making a dream move to Barcelona, who have made a formal approach. His agent claims there have already been five offers for his signature, and the price being bandied around is currently £10m.

The Ronaldo saga latest
He may be acting like a spoilt brat, but Ronaldo is a man of principle. Accordingly, he has kindly agreed to pay Manchester Utd the courtesy of showing up for pre-season training in exchange for his £120,000-a-week wages.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Come on papers, try harder than this to find a story

Peter Crouch to Arsenal
The Daily Mirror have been doing their homework and decided that Arsene Wenger, famous for his cautiousness with money, will match the eight-figure valuation for a benchwarmer at a club they finished above.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Unconvinced

Or…Crouch and Yossi Benayoun to Tottenham
Slightly more convincing than the Arsenal story,

King Kev must discover what defenders are used for

After considering how the London clubs, newbie Prem sides,and Manchester and Mersey teams should invest their vast fortunes in the closed season, we now turn our attention to the north east…

Newcastle

Top priority:
Invest in the defence - You can pretty much guarantee this is at the top of Newcastle’s list every summer, but whoever they bring in seems to flop. In Michael Owen, Obafemi Martins and Mark Viduka they have a well-balanced strike trio, although they could use someone new to provide backup alongside Andy Carroll. The midfield may require one or two new faces should Emre, Barton or Milner leave.

Fitting the bill: Anton Ferdinand, Mikael Silvestre (if Barton leaves), Steve Finnan

Sunderland

Top priority:
A new transfer strategy - Sunderland’s last two Premier League seasons saw them relegated with record low points totals (now broken by Derby) and it took over £40 million of spending to finish in 15th this time round. Last season Sunderland spoke loudly about their big budget, which led to them paying over the odds for average players like Michael Chopra, Kieran Richardson and Andy Reid. A bit more tact this summer may see them continue to strength but without being taken to the cleaners, though rumours of a £5 million bid for James Beattie don’t offer much hope.

Fitting the bill: Michael Dawson, Stephen Hunt, Pedro Mendes, Carlton Cole

Middlesbrough

Top priority:
A replacement for Mark Schwarzer - Gareth Southgate’s side aren’t expected to spend as heavily as their neighbours, but they did surprise everyone by bringing in Afonso Alves in January, so they may catch others off guard again. Southgate has admitted he isn’t looking to change things too drastically due to his faith in the squad.

Fitting the bill: Carlo Cudicini, Scott Carson, Tomasz Kuszczak

The latest transfer news fresh from the rumour vine

Arsene Wenger recently rocked the footballing world by sending a fax to Milan, warning them to stop sniffing around Emmanuel Adebayor. The threat in itself wasn’t the shock, but rather his method of communication - Internazionale’s fax machine had probably been lying dormant since 1989 when the Frenchman’s choice words came through. If he runs out of fax paper, which surely can’t be bought in the 21st century, he’ll probably end up sending a telegram or a small messenger boy in a toga to Barcelona…

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
Arsene Wenger had just finished mopping his brow at the news Milan would accept Arsenal’s decision not to sell Adebayor when Barcelona rode in to declare the striker their number one target.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A possibility considering Eto’o is leaving

Dani Guiza to Arsenal
But don’t fear Arsenal fans, what better way to recover from the loss of the Premier League’s joint-second goalscorer than by replacing him with La Liga’s number one?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe, Champions League clubs are bound to chase

Claude Makelele, Lillian Thuram, Robert Pires and Ludovic Giuly to Paris Saint Germain
Some bright spark at PSG has decided it would be a stroke of genius to bring together a group of French veterans who would surely take the league by storm and guarantee instant success.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It seems not everyone in France watched Euro 2008

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
Harry Redknapp has told

Today’s transfer rumours, brimming with metrosexuality

If the picture above is to be believed, Princess Frank has already packed his favourite makeup travel case ahead of a big new move to Milan. They’ll really dig his all-pink beachwear in the fashion capital, but will he go running to the open arms of The Special One or stick around to let Big Phil beat him like a red haired stepchild?

Frank Lampard to Inter
Internazionale confirmed Lampard as their number one transfer target yesterday, and now Mourinho and Scolari are both dangling club badges in front of his face, forcing him to choose which one to kiss.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We think he may love Mourinho a little more than Chelsea

Ronaldinho to Chelsea
Even though he’s still contracted to Barcelona, Deco has taken it upon himself to become Chelsea’s travel agent, by advising Ronaldinho to steer clear of smelly Manchester and move to petal-scented West London.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Can see it happening

Ivan Klasnic to Wigan
After scoring the winner for Croatia last night, Klasnic has decided it may be time to plunge for the glitz, glamour and endless excitement of Premier League football by signing for…Wigan.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Bigger clubs may come calling

David Bentley to Aston Villa
Bentley wants to leave Blackburn to get a shot at a club playing in the Champions League but he said he’d settle for UEFA Cup football. Surely he doesn’t want to play in the Intertoto with Villa though?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It’s Chelsea, The Spoiler told you that ages ago

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
It’s emerged that Harry Redknapp’s

All of today’s transfer gossip in one neat package

Just last week, Chelsea were confident that they would be signing every big name player in the world - Torres, Ribery, Ronaldinho, Pele, Roy of the Rovers - but now their masterplan is starting to take an unexpected turn. Despite the severe lack of loyalty and pride in the English top flight, it seems that not everyone can be persuaded to switch teams with a huge briefcase of money…

David Villa to Real Madrid or Barcelona
It wasn’t long ago that Villa was declaring Arsenal his dream club, but upon hearing that Chelsea are chasing him, he is so desperate not to join them that he is begging to stay in Spain.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Straight from the free-scoring horse’s mouth

Robin van Persie to Inter Milan
The Dutchman has had a taste of what it feels like to be part of a winning side at Euro 2008 and apparently he’s hungry for more.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Depends if he gets a pay rise

Dimitar Berbatov to Barcelona
The amnesty on Berbatov transfer rumours

Today’s transfer rumours, as made up to fill column inches in the nationals

Aside from the superteam that the papers are dreaming up at Chelsea, the other big news today comes from Spurs. Apparently Darren ‘purchase of the season’ Bent is looking for pastures new, and Roy Keane’s Sunderland could be the team to pay him £30k a week to finally get off the bench…

Heurelho Gomes to Tottenham
Gomes claims the proud honour of being the 571st goalkeeper linked with Spurs this summer. At this rate Paul Robinson will be starting the opening game.The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would be a good signing for Spurs

Darren Bent to Sunderland
Has anyone noticed how quiet things have grown on the Berbatov front? Instead it’s Darren Bent who is apparently the striker most eager to escape North London.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could depend Berbatov’s movements

Fernando Torres, Franck Ribery, Kaka, Ronaldinho, Deco and Robinho to Chelsea
The kitchen sink will shortly be arriving on a Bosman.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Deco likely, Robinho maybe, the others doubtful.

Marcus Bent to Hull
A day after The Spoiler highlighted one of the newly promoted clubs as the most likely location for that other striker called Bent, The Sun reports

All today’s transfers in a scroll down listy thing

Think about it: Italian men always seem to be wearing hair product, they probably look at us and wonder why we don’t bother. Well, riddle over, Italian friends - you obviously haven’t heard of something called rain. It’s a watery substance that Ricardo Carvalho can give a talk on next season when he’s at Inter. Perhaps by way of introduction? Oh, and speaking of transfers…

Ricardo Carvalho to Inter Milan
Like an obedient young robot, wherever Mourinho goes, Carvalho is programmed to follow. Luckily for him, that means paying a visit to the food capital of pizza and chips - Italy.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who could say no to Jose?

Shaun Wright-Phillips to Portsmouth
Portsmouth are willing to fork out £10 million on Shaun Wright-Phillips, whose only skill is to run fast. Harry, you could get Dwain Chambers for a bag of drugs and a quid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely

All the big news written down in English

For those who lie awake wondering whatever happened to Bill Wyman after he walked out on the Rolling Stones in 1993, you can breathe easy - he’s totally fine, and making a fine living as the face of SuperSmoker electronic cigarettes. They look brilliant/ridiculous. Anyway, now that you can relax properly, why not fill your mind with new information, like today’s transfer rumours?

Paul Robinson to Bolton
Forgetful Gary Megson - Egyptian keeper Ali Al Habsi emerged as a star in Bolton’s relegation run-in, he was brilliant. Not brilliant enough to keep Megson’s beady eyes away from Robinson’s slippery wet hands though.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: For £5 million! Madness.

Gregory Coupet to Tottenham
While Robinson takes his eel-like fingers back up North. Juande Ramos is putting France’s number one goalkeeper on a ferry for half the price.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely, even for a 35-year-old.