The players who won’t make the grade at their new clubs

In the spirit of writing people off at an unreasonably early stage of the season, we asked Spoiler correspondent Joe Thompson to list the top ten newbies who are likely to struggle in 2009/10. Thankfully, he obliged…

Alberto Aquilani
(Roma to Liverpool, £20m)
‘What?! I’ve seen him on YouTube, he’s a maestro! Great vision, long range shooting! Like Gerrard with nice hair!’ True, but he’s also crocked enough to make Darren Anderton look like The Terminator. In all competitions, he’s made 90 starts in five seasons. Look at the YouTube compilations again, he’s got a different haircut in every clip. OK, he’s Italian - it proves nothing- but he doesn’t play much. At £20m, Benitez has taken a massive gamble. By the time he plays it’ll be nearly Christmas, and a crunching (or even soft) tackle away at Stoke or Bolton might mean he’s glad to get back to the comfort of the treatment room.

Ronald Zubar
(Marseille to Wolves, undisclosed)
Very few players are immortalised in a football expression– The ‘Cruyff’ Turn, The ‘Blanco’ Bounce and ‘Zubrelances’. The latter is a term the Marseille faithful coined to describe Zubar’s regular defensive howlers. He’s played for France U-21’s, but then Titus Bramble also played U-21 football when he was clowning around at Newcastle. Mick McCarthy is already ‘pleading for patience’ with his new signing - Wolves fans are going to need it.

Roque Santa Cruz
(Blackburn Rovers to Man City, £17m)
Initially, this looked like a great match. Hughes had long been giving him the eye after re-launching his career

Unemployed manager tries to talk his way into the Parkhead post

You’d think someone who relegated Wycombe and was ready to do the same with Portsmouth would struggle to land a League Two job* but Tony Adams frightened Celtic fans today by claiming he could succeed Gordon Strachan.

The legendary defender said he had been recommended by popular former boss Wim Jansen, who he worked with at Feyenoord. Despite not even applying, he seemed to expect to be considered ahead of candidates like Roberto Martinez, whose Swansea side knocked him out of the FA Cup.

In an attempt to explain why the job appealed to him, Adams didn’t offer the

It worked out pretty well for Havant and Waterlooville last year…

Histon, who overcame Leeds 1-0 earlier today, were left disappointed after being paired with Swansea in an underwhelming FA Cup third round draw. However, last year it was Havant and Waterlooville who drew the Welsh side at this stage and after getting through that tie they were rewarded with a trip to Anfield.

Barrow got the best draw of the non-league clubs and will make the trip to Middlesbrough while Forest Green face Derby and Eastwood travel away to Notts County or Crawley. Holders Portsmouth face Bristol City while runners-up Cardiff face Reading. Chelsea and Arsenal were drawn at home to Southend and Plymouth respectively while Liverpool and Manchester United are away to Preston and Southampton.

The other interesting ties see Sheffield United drawn in East London against Leyton Orient on the same day that their ”Tevezgate” enemies West Ham face Barnsley, who are considering legal action against the Blades after Chris Morgan’s horror elbow on Iain Hume: don’t be surprised to see one of those games moved to the Sunday! Check out the full draw after the jump:

Naughty gang attempted to use Serie A club for money laundering

A story is emerging today concerning a notorious crime gang - the Clan dei Caselesi - and their attempts to buy Lazio in 2006. Italian authorities claim that the family from the Camorra, the Naples version of the Mafia, tried to buy the club through a Hungarian pharmaceutical company using funds gained from violence, intimidation and lots of other naughty stuff:

[…] police in Rome made 10 arrests as part of an operation codenamed ‘Broken Wings’. The people being held are Italians and foreigners.In 2006, Lazio president Claudio Lotito was given police protection after receiving threats from ultras (club supporters group), who were allegedly trying to intimidate him into selling to a consortium led by former Lazio player and president Giorgio Chinaglia.

Chinaglia fled after being charged with market-rigging linked to his bid while Lotito has also faced similar charges over

The best sports on the telebox tonight

Sven’s Manchester City have won five out of their last six home games against Everton, and are marginal favourites to beat the Mersey Blues tonight (City at 6/4, Everton at 21/10).

For a game that will be a little easier to call, check out the Football League Trophy Southern Final second leg. MK Dons, aka ‘Franchise FC’, aka ‘everything that is wrong with the game today’ are still riding high at the top of League Two, and are 9/5 favourites to topple Swansea tonight.

Premier League
Manchester City/ Everton (Setanta Sports 1, 8pm) - betting preview here

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Southern Final Second Leg
MK Dons/ Swansea City (Sky Sports 1, 7.30pm) - bet here

This ex-Page 3 girl is now a self-professed ‘Diva SuperWAG’

If you were lucky enough to pick up a copy of Britain’s fourth favourite tabloid, The Daily Star, this morning, you would have seen lower league WAG Nicola McLean adorning the front page. The 25-year-old is from Swansea, and is the current beau of Peterborough’s Tommy Williams. At 10pm tonight she will

Liverpool to fall out of favour with another American

NBA legend Michael Jordan watched Havant &Waterlooville’s epic 4-2 destruction of Swansea in his Bahamas holiday home, while sitting next to one of the club’s directors. The Blue Square South side have since sent him