Interim Newcastle gaffer buys and renames property

To relive Big Joey’s legendary sweary rant, click here.

[Spotted at Spare Room]

Lunchtime show blessed with Big Joe’s blasphemy

If Joey’s press conference transcript is a little strong for your tastes, then wean yourself onto his dirty vernacular with his appearance on BBC One’s Football Focus last week.

[Off The Post]

Newcastle boss employs ‘industrial’ language to express anger

Daily Mirror journalist Simon Bird felt the full brunt of Joe Kinnear’s rage in a press conference yesterday, for having the audacity to report on the Newcastle players’ day off following his appointment last week.

Here’s the transcript in full, courtesy of The Guardian (those who aren’t used to the type of language that a rabid sailor might use should approach with caution):

UPDATE: Hear the tirade in all its sweary glory below

JK Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror’s north-east football writer]?

SB Me.

JK You’re a cunt.

SB Thank you.

JK Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you’re saying I turned up and they [Newcastle’s players] fucked off.

SB No Joe, have you read it, it doesn’t actually say that. Have you read it?

JK I’ve fucking read it, I’ve read it.

SB It doesn’t say that. Have you read it?

JK You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB Have you read it, it doesn’t say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK Fuck off. Fuck off. It’s your last fucking chance.

SB You read the copy? It doesn’t say that you didn’t know.

JK What about the headline, you think that’s a good headline?

SB I didn’t write the headline, you read the copy.

JK You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

SB So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn’t. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain’t got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?

SB No, you can listen to who you want.

JK I had a 24-hour meeting with

The Rocket relieves interview boredom with lewd gestures and naughty words

It’s not often that a professional sportsman asks journalists if they would like to ‘nosh’ him during a press conference, but Rocket Ronnie went there at the China Open in Beijing on Wednesday.

This isn’t nearly as bad as the tabloids are making it out to be, most of the rudeness is muttered to the man sitting next to him, and would have gone over the heads of the majority of people in the room.

Skip to around (1.45) for the best bits.

The Spoiler’s guide to saying naughty things in foreign

Reportedly, Jose Mourinho would swear at referees in Portuguese so he could deny his aggravated language if questioned (”Honestly, ‘Lambe-me os colhes’ means ‘I agree with your informed choice’”). Javier Mascherano, on the other hand, chose an English four letter word to express his dismay, instead of reverting to his native tongue. This makes the Special One ‘smart’, and the Argentinean one ‘stupid’.

The Premier League’s vast array of imports would do well to take a leaf from Mourinho’s book of sly cussing, so here’s our top ten booking-free-guaranteed foreign insults. Let’s kick it off with one that could have helped Javier safely vent his spleen on Sunday:

Argentinean
Tarado - Retard

Norweigian
G’ og sug en hest - Go suck a horse!

Portuguese
Cabe’a-de-Bagre - Catfish head

Spanish
Cago en tu leche - I sh*t in your milk

If new anti-swearing rules come into place, Wayne’s entire vocabulary will become redundant

According to the good folk at The Offside, the FA are backing a zero tolerance proposal towards swearing on the pitch. If a player says a naughty word, whether out of personal frustration or as a form of abuse, he will be sent off.

The move will please family viewers, who get to lip-read Wayne Rooney’s foul tirade in every game. However the move will outrage Wayne Rooney, as he will lose the right to use every adjective and noun he knows while on the pitch.