If she were a fish, she’d have gills

Fans of the 1984 romantic comedy Splash (SPOILER ALERT: Tom Hanks becomes sexually attracted to a demi-fish) know just how sensual great swimmers can be. In that movie, the magnificent underwater flirt was Daryl Hannah, and in real life, it’s an Australian woman called Stephanie Rice - winner of the 400 metres individual medley at this year’s Olympics.

Aside from having just about every swimming badge you can imagine sewn onto her cozzie, Stephanie is recently single. Before the games she was going out with some chump called Eamon, but apparently they broke up about a month ago. Hence, she would definitely go out with you.

One more watery treat after the jump…

Aww, look at them, they just couldn’t hair less…

If you took twenty monkeys and twenty grown men and forced them to mingle in shop window, statistics suggest that passers-by would be able to correctly identify about twelve of the men, but some would be so hairy that they might as well be monkeys. It sounds strange, but those are the facts. Unless, of course, those men happen to play for Tottenham Hotspur, in which case, no problem, they’re all completely hairless. How the hell did that happen?

Has Ramos demanded that all his players have smooth chests and legs next season? Is this some kind of European technique that no one knows about?

By the looks of things, the players have been subjected to a rigorous summer training programme, including: beach frolicking, diving into waves, waxing, bumping chests, cocktails, and disco dancing.

Be afraid, other Premier League teams. Be very afraid.

More terrifying pictures after the jump…

For those who think that swimming is all about sitting in the changing rooms shivering in a verruca sock and silly little trunks, think again, because Speedo - the people behind minuscule swimming briefs - have just invented a swimming costume for men that looks set to dominate pool couture for the Olympic Games in Beijing. It’s called the LZR Racer.

Modeled by the World Record breaking part man/part eel, Michael Phelps, the