Miss Grenada speaks out after being two-timed by McLaren star
Ahead of the weekend’s British Grand Prix action, Grid Crasher editor Ollie Irish steps in to tell us about the latest adventures of the world’s favourite Swiss racing driver…
Miss Grenada, aka Vivian Burkhardt, has ripped into Lewis Hamilton, after discovering that he had two-timed her with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger.
“His life away from the track is far from glamorous,” Burkhardt told the News of the Screws. “Despite his huge wealth, I hate his lifestyle and feel sorry for him. There he is in Switzerland, where he has no friends, no family, just this amazing four-bedroom flat in the richest part of the city - but it’s simply big and empty.”
Ouch. Imagine having to live in Switzerland with no friends. A terrible double whammy.
“What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?” The words of Futurama ship captain Zapp Brannigan will be no doubt be echoing in the minds of Switzerland’s inoffensive natives, who were booted out of their own tournament by a late Turan strike last night.
Elsewhere, Chelsea boss Luiz Felipe Scolari led his adopted home nation to the knockout stages with a solid victory ove Petr Cech’s Czechs.
Which nation will prize silverware from Greek hands?
Without a British team on which to place unreasonable expectations in Euro 2008, it’s time to pick a side in order to make the next three weeks vaguely interesting. The Germans are favourites at 4/1, despite the fact that they haven’t won a game in the past two tournaments. But who will you go with? The unlucky Spaniards? The solid Portuguese? Votes and comments below, please.
Betting on the winner? Get the essential info from chickendinner first
The serial blogger may have got the maths slightly wrong
David Beckham took time out of his intensive training schedule yesterday to post a blog on his official website:
I am sure you will have read a lot of Mr Capello’s call to leave me out of the squad but in truth I admire him as a manager and respect his decision. In his explanation, he said that it was purely down to match fitness and that it was unfair to the other players, competing week in and week out for their clubs, to include me in the squad.
A lot has been made of my trips to Sierra Leone and Brazil but these were only a total of four days in six weeks. I postponed my holidays to spend five days a week training with Arsenal and I did everything possible make myself available for England.
Capello’s first chance to show what he can do - what will the experts make of him?
If Fabio Capello does half as good a job of managing the England team as he has of convincing the press he is the sadistic head of a bleak Victorian educational academy, England should never lose again.
As tonight’s broadcast opens, Lineker’s certainly bought into it. “A new era, a new set of rules … new teacher… pass their exams…” and Ray Stubbs picks up the theme with some headmaster questions to Capello himself. Fabio doesn’t much care for the comparison, though. He prefers “serious” and “professional.”
Lineker tries the first joke of the evening by saying “Stubbsio” knows his “Fabio Capello from his Marty Pellow.”
Hansen, Shearer and Wright complete the studio line-up for Capello’s debut, and all goes much as one might expect - calm, and upbeat. Hansen is head and shoulders above the two Englishmen with strong feelings about David Beckham being denied his hundredth cap. A potential awkward moment looms when Hansen compares Beckham’s tireless, uncomplaining attitude to that of players who “in this day and age players retire for fun.” Premature retiree Alan Shearer is sitting right next to him, but lets the remark slide.
Shearer opens with a bit of a lunge, claiming Fabio “has probably got the best CV of any manager at any time…If he can’t get success we’ve got a problem…a problem bigger than we think there is.”
Ian Wright thinks “We’ve got the right man.”
A cagey start, then. Nothing controversial, but not too much insight either. Seems the pundits are as much in the dark as everyone. Will they be able to resist the educational comparisons at half-time?
Half time: England 1 Switzerland 0. England have an unpleasantly familiar look about them - toothless in front of goal, losing possession too easily, disjointed. The pundits face an awkward dilemma - be positive or be frank?
Hansen - Positive. “They’ve created chances.”
Shearer - Positive. “They’ve tried to get it down and play, and play in the right way.”
Wright - Neutral. He comments on fans booing and the quiet atmosphere. “We’re trying to do it too quickly,” apparently.
They all agree Joe Cole was great and were quite keen on Wayne Rooney’s effort, then come back after a Munich ‘58 tape suddenly very animated about David Bentley. For Shearer, he’s very nearly the man of the match so far. Strange he didn’t mention that earlier. England get off quite lightly.
Reports have abounded in the last couple of weeks of how Capello doesn’t hesitate to defend a 1-0 lead, could the second half be even more dour than the first? Please god, no.
Full time: England 2 Switzerland 1. A much more lively second half, with Rooney the pick, if a bit showboaty at times, and Switzerland didn’t just come to go to Harrods and the Lion King. The flurry of substitutions on both sides disguised some of the cracks in the defence. Gerrard gets Man of the Match, but I thought he only started playing in the last 15 minutes. The pundits will have a bit more to coo over, but that first half was creaky.
Hansen - “The big bonus is Bentley.”
Shearer - Pat on the head for the new man for “lifting a team which was so low in confidence.” “We’ll be OK”
Wright - “Like it.” “The boys didn’t panic.” “Be patient - we’ve got a guy who’s a winner.”
Lovers of utility knives, banking and duty free Toblerone should prepare for disappointment tonight
Only one of the sides playing tonight will be taking part in the European Championships, but here are a few reminders of happier days in Anglo-Swiss history.
Footballers who don’t hate worthy causes manage to attend
Last night’s huge Cystic Fibrosis charity event at the Dorchester Hotel brought out plenty of stars from the world of football including John Terry, Peter Crouch, Emmanuel Adebayor, William Gallas, Gael Clichy, SWP, Wayne Bridge, David Dein, Arsene Wenger and Alan Sugar.
The breaking news is that David Beckham will not be earning his 100th England cap against Switzerland next week, despite insisting that he is ‘fit and sharp […] and ready to be selected’.
Exhibition aims to kick violence out of the game with pork products
After spending more than a century in a restless search for its true place in culture and society, football is no nearer understanding where it fits in than when it began. Increasingly resented by the proles as they find themselves priced out of their own game, and scoffed at by the middle classes for its appalling lack of taste and refinement, it’ll soon be the Priory for football if it doesn’t sort its head out.
To help in this quest for self-knowledge, Herr Klaus Littman of Switzerland has stepped forward, with his travelling exhibition called “Passion on the Terraces”. Featuring exhibits such as a replica of the pig’s head that Barcelona fans threw at Luis Figo, the Vespa that Milan fans pushed over the edge of the
