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Portsmouth’s Sulaiman Al Fahim is in hospital with a mystery illness
[Daily Mail]

100 pictures of Dutch überWAG Sylvie van der Vaart
[DJ Mick]

The ten greatest ‘almost goals’ of all time
[The Offside]

Mario Balotelli wants to hug you
[Dirty Tackle]

Michael Owen injury update
[The Mirror]

Danielle Lloyd’s fishy dream
[Kickette]

This non league side’s pitch doesn’t seem to conform to internationally-recognised standards
[Off The Post]

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The Spoiler didn’t think professional footballers were allowed to ride motorbikes, but that hasn’t stopped SWP, Wayne Bridge and Steve Sidwell from having some two-wheeled fun.
[Dirty Tackle]

The Premier League Champions 2010 REVEALED!
[Interestment]

Fulham agree £2.5m deal for Almeria striker Kalu Uche
[IM Scouting]

Milan have £11m and for some reason they want to use it to buy Gareth Bale
[Goal.com]

Sylvie van der Vaart is not unattractive
[Kickette]

Craig Bellamy continues to sabotage his international career
[The Guardian]

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Palmeiras coach Vanderlei Luxemburgo becomes the first manager to resign via Twitter
[101GG]

Seriously, where does this guy keep getting all these brilliant Dimitar Berbatov photos from?
[Dirty Tackle]

All your Abbey Clancy, Alex Curran and Sylvie van der Vaart bikini holiday picture needs covered in one post
[ONTD]

The Germans are messing about with kit colours ahead of tonight’s Euro U21 final
[Daily Mail]

West Ham tracking Marc-Antoine Fortune and Eidur Gudjohnsen
[The Telegraph]

Completely random link: An Austrian Fashion journalist named Brüno gives Conan O’Brien a lapdance
[YouTube]

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Here’s an outrageously cheeky flick from Budapest
[101GG]

Gazza reveals more about his troubled past
[Off The Post]

Sylvie van der Vaart is well dressed
[Kickette]

Manchester City look to sign another Nike employee
[Daily Mail]

Wenger’s new ‘Golden Generation’
[Football365]

Jose Mourinho waves more red rags in front of Fergie
[The Mirror]

The Ryman League will be using red balls for charity
[Non League Daily]

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Raquel Welch Carly Zucker wants to sell you deodorant
[Dirty Tackle]

The Greatest Football/Rap Stars EVER!
[Heckler Spray]

Is Thierry Henry about to return to the Premier League?
[The Sun]

Robbie Keane hates being in a relegation scrap - why did he leave a club challenging for the title then?
[Sky Sports]

Cheryl Cole gets a book deal
[RTE]

Hot WAG Sylvie van der Vaart speaks of her love for hot WAG Nives Celzijus
[Bild]

Alex Ferguson admits five trophies in a season is a little ambitious
[The Guardian]

Would you rather share a shower with 10 men, or this woman?

That was the question facing Rafael van der Vaart, back in the days when he was playing for Hamburg in Germany. No prizes for guessing which option Rafael chose.

Former Hamburg manager Huub Stevens has revealed in his autobiography that Van der Vaart once deliberately got booked so he could go and party with his lovely missus, Sylvie. Fair enough - just look at her.

Before Hamburg’s game at home to Duisburg last season, Stevens said to his assistant: “Van der Vaart will deliberately pick up a fifth yellow card. His wife is celebrating her 30th birthday and he wants to be there.”

Stevens was proved right. Van der Vaart was booked for kicking the ball away after the ref had blown his whistle. Job done.

Three days later the team played Hertha in Berlin – without the suspended Rafael, who was busy drinking champagne at his wife’s party.

Spoiler bonus! A free Sylvie van der Vaart YouTube clip…

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Alex Ferguson reveals many Manchester Utd secrets in a rare interview in The Times

Sylvie van der Vaart claims to be ‘the cheapest WAG in the game’
[Bild]

Ingenious British driver infuriates German police
[Grid Crasher]

Professor Wenger is pleased to see Tony Adams in charge at Portsmouth
[Football365]

Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, Tony Hawk and A-Rod want you to buy a computer game
[Machochip]

The gossip blogs are getting excited about Freddie Ljungberg arriving in Seattle
[Perez Hilton]

… and he might have a point.

With Spurs in crisis, Martin Jol’s continuing success in the Bundesliga - where his Hamburg team is flying high - seems to rub razor-like shards of salt into a fresh weeping wound. Not that any of that could stop Franz Beckenbauer having a dig over the weekend.

“I don’t know the exact circumstances of what happened at Tottenham but it’s hard to believe any team would not want Martin Jol as coach. He is doing a fantastic job at Hamburg. Your loss, if you like, is our gain. It’s another huge victory for German football over you English!”

And, depressingly, Jol’s phoenix-like rise from the ashes isn’t the only thing making Germans look better than us at the moment. Remember You Bet!, the former teatime abomination hosted by Matthew Kelly? The Germans have a version of that called Wetten, dass…?, and it looks brilliant. While ours featured the likes of Capes, Fashanu, and Bruno Brookes as the big-name celebrity guests, the Germans get to enjoy Sylvie van der Vaart (above), fancy dress icon Karl Lagerfeld, and a severely bosomy Salma Hayek falling out of her top (after the jump).

That’s 2-0 Germany.