Say Guten Tag to a Bundesliga beauty queen

Schalke midfielder Jermaine Jones earned himself a ‘teen idol’ image while breaking through the ranks of Germany’s U21 squad, and accordingly attracted the right type of “Mädchen”. In 2007 he married Sarah Gerth, who reigned as ‘Misses Germany’ in 2005 and 2006. Sarah recently showed her commitment to Jones in a typically Waggish way - she had a ‘J’ tattooed on her lower arm. Aww.

Did Oli Kahn two time his mistress?

Legendary German goalkeeper Oliver Kahn caused a huge kerfuffle in his homeland when he left his eight-month pregnant wife for a 21-year-old barmaid named Verena Kerth. He has remained with the young blonde since, yet in 2007 strong rumours of an affair with another beautiful lady circulated. Said lady was actress, DJ, TV host and model Giulia Siegel.

Newcastle owner lives up to fans’ opinion

Manchester Utd star suffered for attempting to steal tour merch

Over the last weekend, the greatest popular music artists in the world (and Scouting for Girls) assembled for the annual V Festival. Most notable among the celebrity fans was Coleen McLoughglin/ Rooney, who was spotted pulling on her Hunter wellies to enjoy the Stereophonics.

The Welsh rockers, of course, are Wayne Rooney’s favourite band: his classy tattoo and the fact that they played at his wedding are testament to this fact.

During a live TV interview with cockney Channel Four presenter (and avid Charlton fan) Dave Berry, girly-named singer Kelly Jones revealed that Rooney has been going to see the band in concert since for many years. The tiny Welshman also let slip that at the tender age of thirteen, Rooney had his jaw broken by a member of the Stereophonics entourage for attempting to steal a T-Shirt.

On a slightly more diplomatic note, when asked for his thoughts on Wayne’s hideous

Thank God he didn’t get one saying ‘Performance & Cocktails’

Last month, we told you how Coleen organised a surprise appearance by the Stereophonics for the Rooney wedding reception, as they are Wayne’s favourite band. During their Vegas honeymoon, it appears that Wayne got out of the pool just long enough to have a tattoo etched onto his arm paying tribute to the Welsh rockers:

The unsightly forearm inking says ‘Just Enough Education to Perform,’ the name of the third ‘Phonics long player. The album, whose hits include the anti-media anthem ‘Mr Writer‘ and ‘Vegas Two Times‘, was titled in reference to a term applied to soldiers who are barely capable dressing themselves, let alone firing a weapon. Having left school without a single GCSE, Wayne obviously felt this was a fitting message to have imprinted on his skin for the rest of his life.

Spoiler bonus: JEEP is said to be Wayne’s favourite Stereophonics albums, but it is one of their worst. Here’s a track from their brilliant debut Word Gets Around…

He’s probably feeling a little bit upset at the moment

[The Offside]

The number one Spurs WAG (in south Texas, not north London)

Despite growing up in Texas, Eva Longoria managed to avoid the slow road to obesity, and found fame playing Gabrielle in Desperate Housewives (she’s the youngish one whose always finds an excuse to trot around in just her underwear).In 2006, she shot straight to the top of the international WAG league when she married Tony Parker, point guard for her favourite basketball team the San Antonio Spurs. Their marriage, however, hit a rough patch when Parker was rumoured to have had an affair with a young lady introduced to him by Thierry Henry, and there’s more speculation that she could be finishing with her man, as recent pictures suggest she has either removed or covered up a tattoo depicting her wedding date.

An anatomy of a Premier League star’s ink

In this snap of Marcus Bent on holiday in Spain, your eyes may be immediately drawn to the WAG with the novelty boobs laying at his feet. If you care to draw your eyes north of Gemma Atkinson, you will be treated to Bent’s incredibly veiny legs, and a little further up the picture you get Marcus’ gnarly tats.

Adorning the stomach is a word that looks like ‘GARRAD’, and on the left shoulder a design favoured by those who want a tattoo but have no idea what to get. But the right shoulder is his Pièce de résistance: just below

Tom Brady fanboy turns against his hero

When the Dallas Cowboys crashed out of the NFL playoffs, the world instantly turned against Jessica Simpson (aka Yoko Romo) for distracting her boyf from his duties. Now, the NFL’s loopiest fan is giving Tom Brady’s missus the same treatment.

Victor Thompson, who is in the process of having Brady’s entire helmet design tattooed on his head, is distraught with his team’s Super Bowl performance, yet he doesn’t blame the team or coaching staff. It’s all down yesterday’s WAG of the Day, that pesky Gisele Bündchen.

Mr B.’s latest sleeve has a distinct air of Robo-Spice

In a tattooing blunder of astronomic proportions, David Beckham famously has his wife’s name misspelt on his right arm in Sanskrit. I actually interviewed his personal tattoo artist Louis Malloy, who claimed there is no direct translation of ‘Victoria’ in the Indo-European language. But I think he was probably lying or part of a very cruel joke. Now, however, Beckham appears