“How dare you”

In the same week that the singer/songtress Carly Simon decided to lift the lid on the mystery surrounding her song, You’re So Vain - it was about the record honcho, David Geffen - Andy Cole has chosen to lay a similar ghost to rest.

Namely, his beef with Teddy Sheringham. For years, people have been speculating about what could possibly cause such animosity between two gifted strikers. And, as reported in today’s Independent, it’s not so much a case of making a mountain out of a molehill, as making a mountain out of a molecule.

Cole revealed all in today’s column:

Including a certain Chuckle Brother…

With Sol Campbell back at Arsenal, it got The Spoiler to thinking about all of the players who have returned to their old clubs for another stab at the big time. Below is a compiled team of those who couldn’t quite put the past behind them. 

Just missing the cut were: Robbies Fowler and Keane, Mark Hughes, Peter Crouch, David Dunn, Jermain Defoe, John Lukic, Paul Parker and Martin Keown. Can you think of any more? Let us know with a comment.

Goalkeeper, Mark Bosnich (Manchester United 1989-1992, 1999-2001)

Unfortunately for Mark Bosnich, his second bite of the Man United cherry was probably even more bitter than the first. First time around he managed just three matches, and missed out on the squads that tasted success in the FA and European Cup Winner’s cups, and during his second stay, his chips were rather urinated on by the clown-prince of keepers, Fabien Barthez. He went on to supermodel-and-drugs notoriety.

…The Times!

The first person to spot all three errors wins a sub-editing job at a national newspaper.

A further helping of transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Emmanuel Adebayor to Manchester City
Sky sources understand that Manchester City are ready to ruin our Premier League top-scorer theory by making a move for Adebayor. However, both clubs have refused to comment on the speculation.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Sky may just be trying to generate excitement on what is a slow news day. However, if City offer the £25 million that is being reported, Arsene Wenger may accept and swoop for Bordeaux striker Marouane Chamakh at a fraction of the cost.

Xabi Alonso to Real Madrid
The Liverpool Echo are reporting that Alonso has made it clear to Rafael Benitez that he wants to play for Real Madrid next season. Rafa is apparently

Retired striker has peculiar way of spreading important message

The Spoiler recognises that it’s extremely important to raise awareness of testicular cancer, but something about this advert makes us feel quite uneasy.

Serial WAG threatening to publish her shameless exploits

In a recent survey, it was revealed that approximately 101 per cent of Premier League footballers had boffed not-a-racist glamour model Danielle Lloyd (there’s a one per cent margin of error).

The 25-year-old topless model has made the front page of the Daily Star today (a slot she seems to share solely with Chanelle Hayes and Lucy Pinder) as she is at the centre of a six-figure bidding war for the rights to publish her “X-rated autobiography”. This, of course, spells bad news for her legions of famous partners:

The sexy Scouser is due to lift the lid on her flings with the Premier League’s biggest names and reveal their wild playboy secrets.

Daring Dani’s sizzling new book, guaranteed to be a best-seller, will spill the beans on the stars’ cheating, ­gambling and boozing habits.

“She’s revealing loads she’s never spoken about before,” said a spokesman for the Daily Star babe.

“She’ll talk about her high profile relationships and what ­really went on behind the scenes.”

Danielle - whose known conquests include Marcus Bent , Armand Traoré, Jermain Defoe, Gerard Piqué, Ryan Babel and Teddy Sheringham - has traded off her relationships with sportsmen for years, but made her attitude towards girls who do kiss-and-tell stories very clear last January:

“Women who sell these stories have no self respect. They want to make money and be famous for saying they have slept with soccer stars. But they have no shame.”

Danielle’s book is out in October.

A tribute to one of the Prem’s most notorious supporting ladies

[Images removed due to copyright claim]

If this is your first encounter with Jordan, perhaps the internet isn’t for you. Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexis Infield (Katie Price to her friends, Jordan to her fans) started life in the spotlight on Page Three, and soon discovered the world of nightclubs, breast augmentations and unscrupulous footballers. After disposing of Gladiator Ace and chubby pop muppet Dane Bowers, Jordan moved onto glamour-girl-favourite Teddy Sheringham, before having a son with Dwight Yorke.

Serial footballer admirer snares victim number six

Danielle Lloyd is to footballer steamrollerings what Bob Dylan is to songwriting: prolific. Until this day she had still to be inducted into the WAG of the Day hall of fame, however, on account of her new “relationship” with Liverpool rapper/ footballer Ryan Babel, the not-a-racist-but-says-racist-things glamour model has finally earned her place.