Bolton have been using them for ages! Honest!

As everyone in the world is frightfully aware by now, Ben Foster gained the upper hand in the Carling Cup shoot-out by boning up on Tottenham’s penalty-taking techniques with the help of coach Eric Steele’s iPod.

While the Manchester Utd keeper has surely earned himself a lifetime supply of shiny Apple products for all the free advertising, Gary Megson is distinctly unimpressed by media claims that the Reds have been innovative:

“We have been using iPods and things like that for the last couple of years. We just don’t get the same publicity as some people.”

Keen to stress that visiting Bolton’s plush Euxton training facility is akin to being on the set of Minority Report, Megson continued to boast about The Trotters’ cutting edge integration of technology:

“All our stuff is done using electronics, smart boards and DVDs. We have three dedicated staff and are probably as advanced as any club in the Premier League.

“For example we can put motivational videos on a player’s iPod purely and simply for them.

“It is just the way of the world now. When we used pen and paper before, we have people who can do all sorts of things.”

You hear that, Manchester Utd? All their “stuff” is done with electronics! They have three members of staff available to programme iPods at any given point! When you luddites finally get DVDs at Carrington, they’ll be watching Blu-Rays at Euxton!

Tomorrow’s headlines today…

It’s official, we’re now living in a world where big tough guys like Brad Pitt are allowed to call their children Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, and English cricket will be globally represented by a young South African gentleman with shiny diamonds in his ears. The future feels weird. Here’s what you’ll be talking about tomorrow… whilst wearing futuristic jump suits with a guy called Zog.

Van Persie loves you
Robin van Persie isn’t used to having so much free time, what without having a painful injury to recover from, so he has filled the void by sharing his positive outlook with the world. When he gets injured, he turns it to his advantage: “I learned a lot in the last two years because I have been injured so much. I learned what my body can take and what it can’t, so it was an interesting period for me.”

And get this, he’s even really positive about his new positive outlook: “I just do not want to think about that negative stuff. If you think positive, you get positive.”

Is he on drugs?

Moyes is getting livid
Everton boss David Moyes has admitted that the club’s lack of progress in the transfer market isn’t anything to do with being satisfied with the players at his disposal, but is, indeed, a crisis.