David Silva also decides to change his first name

This delightfully erroneous captioning comes courtesy of The Sun.

Thanks to Kev for the tip.

Manchester Utd man attended shortest celebration of all time

This morning’s Sun newspaper tells us how Wayne Rooney is looking to recreate a night of sleeping on the floor, because the last time he did it was the evening Manchester Utd won the Champions League final. If that seems confusing, then the striker’s understanding of his wold partying in Moscow is even more so:

“We went to the party afterwards, which was brilliant, and did not get back to the hotel until about 2.30am.”

The Champions League final kicked off in Moscow at 10.45pm, meaning normal time would have ended at around 12.30am. Extra time and penalties would have taken another hour, meaning Rooney would have started celebrating on the pitch at around 1.30am. In the next hour, he got changed, did some interviews, left the stadium and crashed at his hotel. Somewhere in that sixty minute window, he also attended the ‘brilliant’ party.

Granted, it’s a petty point about an article that makes absolutely no sense (how can he ensure a victory in a game by sleeping on the floor after that game?), but we at The Spoiler believed Mr Rooney had much bigger drinking boots.

Small website beats big newspaper to story…

Like an excellent doctor with a great bedside manner, The Spoiler spotted that Tottenham might be going through some food-based issues about a week or so ago. In an understated fashion, we suggested that by starving his players, Ramos mightn’t be ensuring top notch performances. And then, just this weekend, The Sun barged into the room like a fat man lugging the head of Osama Bin Laden, and declared that Ramos needs to think about feeding his players because THEY ARE STARVING.

Of course, they’ll get all the back-slaps, the prizes, the women, while The Spoiler continues to toil away in silence, never once poking a head above the grindstone to demand recognition for a fantastic piece of work. Not even once.

Damn society and its silly rules.

The Sun gets the quote it wanted from former Kazakhstan coach

Kazakhstan’s former manager has given The Sun an excuse they probably didn’t need to go Borat mad in the build-up to the former Soviet republic’s clash with England at Wembley on Saturday. Freshly sacked boss Arno Pijpers admitted that his former charges had watched the Borat movie, although whether it is used as a motivational tool before every game is questionable to say the least! Pijpers said:

“They are normal footballers who train and prepare like any others. When they are on away trips and they are not playing or training they will play cards or watch DVDs.

“Yes, they do watch the Borat movie. I know the country’s politicians didn’t like it, but the players find it funny. They get the jokes and don’t think the movie makes fun of Kazakhstan. It makes fun of the US more than it does Kazakhstan.”

Reminders of the last time Borat embarrassed England after the jump…

A can of worms has been opened, folks

Photo: PA

Sheffield United’s successful tribunal ruling against West Ham could cost the Hammers £30m in compensation, and it also sets a dangerous precedent for results on the pitch being overruled by men in suits. The Spoiler decided to examine other potential footballing matters that could end up being settled by lawyers:

1) Watford miss out on the play-offs by a point

The Football League have decided there will be no replay of Saturday’s Watford/Reading match, despite the fact that the Royal’s opener was clearly not a goal. If Watford end up finishing just outside the play-off places, or if Reading wind up just inside them - does that give Watford the right to sue the Football League, the referee and the linesman?

2) Germany claim the 1966 World Cup

Sheffield United were able to win their case relying predominantly on ‘what ifs’, rather than solid facts. Imagine how successful a Germany appeal could be when they have digitally-enhanced evidence that Geoff Hurst’s second goal didn’t cross the line - another example of West Ham cheating!

3) England gain passage to the 1986 World Cup semi-finals

Maybe England could compensate for losing that World Cup by sueing Argentina for Diego Maradona’s

Gambling addict offered further temptation by popular tabloid

West Ham’s Matthew Etherington is said to have received death threats over an £800,000 gambling debt, and his club have agreed to help bail him out. While those in the game are offering full support to the midfielder during an apparent relapse in his gambling addiction, the nation’s favourite tabloid The Sun has not been so kind. Have a look at the online version of the story and you will see something that won’t help the star through his tough time - a large advertisement for a popular bookmakers.

The Sun tries make Spurs winger look dim, fails

There are many footballers out there whose mental capacity only just stretches beyond the ability to dress themselves, but David Bentley has never struck The Spoiler as being a ‘prostitute short of a Ronaldo sex party’. Despite this,  The Sun’s ‘Bizarre’ columnist Gordon Smart tries to expose DB’s flailing brainpower in today’s paper:

[…] But as David continued with the interview for channelbee.com [the new project of lovable Watford/ Chelsea fan Tim Lovejoy - Ed.], he made it much harder to take him as a reliable witness.

When asked what his favourite animal to eat was, the Spurs midfielder replied: “I don’t know, what’s veal? Is that cow? Yeah, veal.”

Um yes, veal is calf (baby cow) meat, and a hesitant response on such a matter when pressured by a journalist is perfectly reasonable. Veal is also quite a sophisticated choice, being a meat traditionally enjoyed by gentlemen in top hats and monacles who use ’summer’ as a verb.

Sooo, looks like Gordon Smart isn’t quite living up to his surname…

Page Three girl returns to the top flight with a brand new partner

Nicola Tappenden (or ‘Nicola T, 25, from Croydon’, as you may know her) enjoyed the WAG lifestyle for two years with West Ham’s Bobby Zamora, but in 2007 she finally she packed up the giant picture of her breasts that hung above their bed, accusing the striker of being unfaithful. This season, however, Nicola will be making a glorious return to the Premiership on the arm of Hull City fiancé Simon Walton. [Looks like she won’t be back in the Prem just yet, as Walton’s loan spell at Hull has just ended - Ed.]