Everyone’s squealing and squabbling with each other about Lampsie and Steve playing in the same team against Kazakhstan, but how about this for a solution? Plenty of pace on the wings, Lamps taking the form of his life into the centre, while Stevie G thunders up and down the right - he’s played there around forty times for Liverpool, most famously when Finnan went off during the epic Champions League win in 2005, and Tommy Smith once declared him Liverpool’s best full-back ever… and that includes Rob Jones.
What with Theo Walcott suddenly morphing into the best player of all time, and England now totally guaranteed to win the World Cup, you’d almost forgotten about the WAGs, hadn’t you? Poor girls, out there in the real world, getting ignored. So thank Christ for The Spoiler, because our eyes of steel didn’t once shift focus to the footie.
The big news is that Danielle Bux (pictured above) did some photo shoot thing about a bus - she was joined by some girls in pink underpants. Carly Zucker was out getting some fresh veg and fizzy water in Waitrose as blood squirted from her boyfriend’s soft head on a field in Croatia. And former WAG Danielle Lloyd has seemingly given up on footballers altogether, and now only goes out with small men - or tall dwarfs. Which one is it?
It’s going to be tough, but these guys could do it
So nice of the fans to welcome Signor Capello to competitive English football in the traditional fashion over the weekend - he will, of course, learn to embrace the booing, enjoy the grumbling, and even look forward to the jeering. But for now he just needs to find the correct way to make eleven footballers play a relatively simple game without getting their legs tangled or suddenly losing their confidence.
A start would be by ignoring the tried and failed combinations and going for a popular Premier League formation that works with these players instead. And don’t pay any attention to the clamouring Beckham/Walcott debates, Fabio, just play them both!
The Spoiler would have England line up to face the Croatians like so:
Little and large have been vital in England’s modest success
As you probably know by now, Fabio Capello has boldly decided that Theo Walcott and Emile Heskey are more likely to score England goals than Michael Owen and Peter Crouch. It’s unlikely that this brave decision will prove costly against Andorra, it could prove disastrous not having two proven international goalscorers in the squad when England visit Croatia next Wednesday.
Here are some stats that illustrate why Owen and Crouch will be sorely missed, courtesy of our friends at chickendinner:
INTERNATIONAL GOAL PER GAME RATIO
Peter Crouch - 0.5
Michael Owen - 0.45
Wayne Rooney - 0.32
Jermain Defoe - 0.17
England friendlies are nearly always dreadful, but that doesn’t stop the preemptive wave of excitement - even when they are inconveniently scheduled during the opening week of the season.
Capello’s squad selection for his final friendly before World Cup Qualifying was hardly inspiring: the Italian leant towards the same players again, with Ashley Young inexplicably absent and hints about Darren Bent’s inclusion coming to nothing. But of the players named in the squad, who deserves to start?
Here’s what we think:
Joe Hart
We know what David James can do so there’s no need for him to play and of Joe Hart and Paul Robinson, the former is more worthy of being given the chance. The Manchester City player made a quiet debut in the second half against Trinidad and Tobago in June, but a better judgement could be made if he plays a full match against stronger opposition.
Matthew Upson The Spoiler would prefer to see Upson or Woodgate start in central defence alongside the new England captain to test some new partnerships but Capello is almost certain to go with Ferdinand and Terry together. So as we’ve all seen plenty of Cashley, why not try Upson on the left over Chelsea reserve Wayne Bridge to give England another option?
Rio Ferdinand
Hopefully the Man United defender will be leading
Young England star deserved a greater role last night
In the all-English Champions League tie, just two English players started the game (Carragher and Gerard). When Theo Walcott came on in the second half, the game completely changed, and the Arsenal fans’ attitude towards Eboue was somewhat vitriolic throughout.
I know it’s a sin to question Arsene Wenger’s gigantic brain, but why isn’t Theo being given a better chance? What chance does he have to become an integral part of the England team if he only plays the role of a ’super sub’ in his domestic side?
Southampton’s premier WAG probably doesn’t even know who Noddy Holder is
Back in 2006, seventeen-year-old Melanie Slade was a modest young student who worked a Saturday job at a ‘Claire’s’ shop. On what you would hope is a rare trip to the girl’s accessories emporium, Theo Walcott spotted Mel, and made her WAG royalty on the spot. A few short months later, she was hanging out with Posh Spice at the World Cup, as the youngest member of the England WAG team.
Impact of Liverpool’s Spaniard more profound than originally thought
In response to this week’s poll of 2,500 women by that website which bought Ebbsfleet, and which determined that Wayne Rooney is the ugliest player in the world, we asked our users to take a deep breath and explore their feelings about players at the other end of the scale. Results show that Fernando Torres is the player most men would sleep with “if they had to go with a Premier League player.”
Torres was by far and away the winner with 35 per cent of the total vote. One respondent said “He’s more attractive than my last girlfriend,” and another “I’d probably go with him even if I didn’t have to.”
Use social networking to pretend you know famous people!
Are you bored with your regular friends? Are they not famous enough, or adept in the practise of fivesomes? Well stuff people you can talk to and socialise with - add some Premier League footballers to your clique!
In a move that has literally taken my Facebook habits by storm, I have started Premier League friend whoring. So far, I have found what appear to be genuine profiles from Leroy Lita, Theo Walcott, Wayne Routledge and Anthony Stokes. If you are so inclined, it might be worth
