Tiago exacts revenge on club by trapping old man in a loo 

If Manchester Utd feel like they were given grief during the summer Cristiano Ronaldo transfer saga, they should spare a thought for Juventus president Giovanni Cobolli Gigli.

Former Chelsea midfielder Tiago Mendes - pictured above ripping Guti’s hair out - has had a relatively uneventful time at Juve (read: “he’s been a bit crap”), and the Italian giants were keen to shift him to either Monaco or Everton. The Portuguese, however, insisted that he wanted to play Champions League football, and negotiations turned ugly. The Juventus president has sheepishly admitted that he was forcibly locked in a toilet at the club’s training ground by the aggressive star last week:

“The story of me being locked in the toilet by Tiago is true,” confessed Cobolli Gigli live on Sky Italia television.

“It’s a shame it got out, as this was something I told a friend in confidence. In any case, Alessandro Del Piero responded

Man needs calculator…

Once again, Peter Kenyon has proved his worth as one of the lord God’s most unnecessary creations by insisting that Shevchenko might even have been a good bit of business for Chelsea.

“I’m not giving a lesson in accountancy,” he grumped, “but you do write money off over the term of a contract.”

It’s an interesting point. But, unfortunately, even without one of his important accountancy lessons, we can’t help but sense some slightly bad business in the sum below:

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

It’s the tabloids’ final day of transfer gossiping before they actually have some football to report on, so they’re pulling out all their top nonsense. Read on to find out which club hope to scupper Manchester City’s bid for Roque Santa Cruz, and which world class striker Chelsea are chasing today…

Roque Santa Cruz to Tottenham
Manchester City took Blackburn’s stern refusal to sell the Paraguayan striker as a sign they are haggling for more money and are prepared to increase their offer, but Spurs are reportedly ready to trump the Citizens and pair Santa Cruz with Darren Bent next season.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Spurs need another striker but Ince will be reluctant to sell

Daniel Sturridge to Chelsea
The Blues were apparently so impressed with Sturridge’s failure to score in Manchester City’s home defeat to FC Midtylland last night that they feel he could be the new Andriy Shevchenko, with an £8 million