Can Chelsea fans get any more middle class?

We all love a stereotype when it comes to football fans - The Kop love a minute’s silence, West Ham’s support are particularly fickle and the Arsenal faithful all bring their imacs to matches. Yet it doesn’t help to dissolve these unfair generalisations, when supporters play up to them, as friend former friend of thespoiler Tim Lovejoy, did last night.

Disappointed that he was unable to fully use his iphone at the Bridge during the Atletico match, Lovejoy went outside the ground to tweet:

iphone internet stuff doesn’t work at the home of football. How annoying is that?

Post-match, he further commented:

You would have thought Roman would have put free wi fi at the Home of football for all us Kings Road ponces to tweet when we’re winning!

Crap toilets? Awful food? Overpriced tickets? No, the real issue bothering football supporters is a dearth of wi-fi. It’s good to know the BBC hire football phone-in hosts so in touch with the average fan.

The Sun tries make Spurs winger look dim, fails

There are many footballers out there whose mental capacity only just stretches beyond the ability to dress themselves, but David Bentley has never struck The Spoiler as being a ‘prostitute short of a Ronaldo sex party’. Despite this,  The Sun’s ‘Bizarre’ columnist Gordon Smart tries to expose DB’s flailing brainpower in today’s paper:

[…] But as David continued with the interview for channelbee.com [the new project of lovable Watford/ Chelsea fan Tim Lovejoy - Ed.], he made it much harder to take him as a reliable witness.

When asked what his favourite animal to eat was, the Spurs midfielder replied: “I don’t know, what’s veal? Is that cow? Yeah, veal.”

Um yes, veal is calf (baby cow) meat, and a hesitant response on such a matter when pressured by a journalist is perfectly reasonable. Veal is also quite a sophisticated choice, being a meat traditionally enjoyed by gentlemen in top hats and monacles who use ’summer’ as a verb.

Sooo, looks like Gordon Smart isn’t quite living up to his surname…

Men with tempers, stop reading now…

It’s that heady time of summer when the transfer window edges open, and swathes of footballers are given permission to seek a better life away from whatever Siberian/Spanish/Newcastle Hell-hole they’ve been rotting in for the last few years. They get to negotiate sparkling new deals, cast off the cobwebs and move happily into a new chapter of their great lives. So why can’t football fans?

Why can’t the simple man on the street renegotiate his allegiance to, say, Wigan, and head off to the shops to buy himself a bright red Man United jumper, politely inform his family and friends that he now wants to be known as “Red Phil” as opposed to “Wigan Phil”, and then spend next season getting into fights over Wayne Rooney, all the while enjoying some actual joy in his life for the first time. Possibly ever. Is it too much to ask? Is it?