Have a look at John Terry’s cheerful wife

Should you see a woman with delightfully blonde hair nervously gnawing her knuckles in Moscow on Wednesday night, ask yourself this question: is that, by any chance, Toni Poole - wife of John Terry? Chances are it probably is.

She’ll be nervous for numerous reasons, what with it being the Champions League final, and him going into the match with an unusually sore elbow. But more than anything, she’ll be yearning for a Chelsea win, so as not to spend their eight week summer beach holiday padding away his tears with a piece of kitchen roll, telling him that everything will be okay. She knows it won’t be, how could it be?

Now that Valentine’s Day has arrived, everyone is feeling romantic. And were you to ask even the most blinkered of modern young professionals, they’d tell you that true love can be expressed with flowers, with sweet chocolates, with gentle, understated lovemaking. The trick is to do something that the girl likes.

So give a sarcastic slow hand clap to John Terry for getting women all wrong in the run up to the official day of love. It all started so well with a trip to the pictures - a surprise that girls absolutely ADORE - but once inside, the woman on his arm (Toni Poole) was treated not to a hilarious romantic comedy starring her favourite hunk, nor a cute little Disney pic about a scared pony and a wisecracking ant (or something), but instead she was forced to