He’s not the messiah, he’s a very greedy boy

Hey, you love Jesus right? That’s because he was really cool about everything. But what if your nice beardy Jesus man had risen from the dead and returned to earth, livid and suing everyone - Judas, Peter, Herod, Buddha, Satan, Santa, everyone. Then where would your Christianity be? Yeah, exactly, you don’t know.

Which leads us seamlessly to Kevin Keegan, the Newcastle messiah, who is rumoured to be suing the club for £9 million in damages, sobbing about how he was unfairly dismissed, he didn’t want to sell Milner, it was all Llambias’ fault. Could his loyal apostles in the Toon Army really stand by him should he leave such a long smudge on the Newcastle history books?

The messageboards tell us this:

Less people expected to come and boo

Reports are coming through from our many sources in the North East that there could be as few at 15,000 fans at St James Park tonight for the Carling Cup tie against Spurs. Given that season ticket holders had the option to buy up their ticket for the game, many are supposedly staying away. Firstly because they, like us, think the Carling Cup is a waste of time, but, more precisely, because they still haven’t forgiven Mike Ashley for making their beloved club look totally stupid.

But, come on Geordies, is this really fair on the players? Michael Owen surely won’t be bothered about scoring if there’s no one around to scream about how brilliant he is.