England players, look away now! 

Nothing upsets the eyes more than spotting your boss in a non-work situation, and realising that the man who sends chills through your blood every single day of the week spends his summers in tight Speedos, dangling his spindly legs over the side of dreamy sailboats in Italy.  Probably with his topless wife, who’s old enough to be your topless grandmother.

Spoiler bonus: more ‘tiny pants on a boat’ action from a fat Craig Charles look-alike here

Page Three girl returns to the top flight with a brand new partner

Nicola Tappenden (or ‘Nicola T, 25, from Croydon’, as you may know her) enjoyed the WAG lifestyle for two years with West Ham’s Bobby Zamora, but in 2007 she finally she packed up the giant picture of her breasts that hung above their bed, accusing the striker of being unfaithful. This season, however, Nicola will be making a glorious return to the Premiership on the arm of Hull City fiancé Simon Walton. [Looks like she won’t be back in the Prem just yet, as Walton’s loan spell at Hull has just ended - Ed.]

Former Miss Italy enjoys footballers and constant nakedness

I have not actually seen the agreement a model must sign to become Miss Italy, but I can only assume there is a clause stipulating a compulsory relationship with a footballer. The pageant show has already given us Martina Colombari, Francesca Chillemi, Vincenza Cacace and Elisabetta Gregoraci, and now 1999 winner and nudity enthusiast Francesca Lodo joins their ranks. She has been engaged to Inter’s Javier Zanetti (despite the fact that she met his current wife in 1992) and she has also enjoyed the company of Francesco Coco - a self-professed ‘drugged-up gay who lives in nightclubs’ who has also steamrollered former WOTD Manuela Arcuri.

Is the world’s favourite supporting lady worthy of her title?

The Spoiler’s most popular post rankings pay testament to the fact that Nereida Gallardo is currently the world’s most popular WAG. According to official made up statistics, her name is the most searched-for term in interweb history, four out of five Spanish men have admitted they say her name in their sleep and thirteen separate ships named ‘Nereida’ will be launched in 2008.

The failed model has stolen our hearts with early photoshoots, bikini parade videos and unashamed topless fun, but the recent pictures of her holiday with C-Ron7^TM have seen controversial adjectives like ’sturdy’ and phrases such as ‘legs like a sack full of mouldy custard’ applied to her.

Are the critics being harsh on her unique ‘part silicone/ part tattoo/ part fierceness’ composition, or should Ms Gallardo be placed right up in the higher echelons of WAG hierarchy with Abbey Clancy and her ilk.

Frankly, The Spoiler office is torn on the subject, so settle it once and for all by voting and commenting below.

Ahhh, so this is how the other half live…

It’s no great secret that Wayne Rooney spent his childhood wearing rags and hoofing stones around Liverpool council estates, while over in Portugal Ronaldo’s family were so subservient and caught up in the 1980s that they even named their son after the US President, Ronald Reagan. The world, in short, was against these boys from the get-go.

In a parallel universe somewhere, Rooney is no doubt communicating in the mixture of coughs, snorts and hacks that make up the unemployed scouse dialect, while Ronaldo is standing alone in nightclubs watching jealously as all the other guys get the girls, and he has to go home with nothing but a cupful of his own tears and a massively long neck. But look at them now - both classy, both amazing. Begging the important question: who’s classier?

UK’s finest take note…

WAGs are funny. So tanned, so moisturised, so pretty, but informally ask one if she’s going to remove her top any time soon, and the air will suddenly chill - it’s as if you’ve said something wrong/inappropriate. Weird.

One WAG who isn’t so uptight when it comes to removing clothes, however, is Sweden’s Oksana Andersson - singer, model, resting place for Deportivo’s Christian Wilhemsson. You won’t find her sneering down her nose at the thought of going topless on the beach, and, not only that, but she won’t even dump her boyfriend for making abominable fashion blunders like shorts-with-braces (above). What a gal!

See what happens when Oksana no longer requires the top half of her bikini after the jump…

Part one of The Spoiler’s in-depth WAG holiday analysis

Without the need to attend a European Championships, it’s only natural that the nation’s premier supporting ladies have escaped the thoroughly unpredictable English weather for sunnier climes.

Pictured above is Steven Gerrard using a common Liverpudlian communication technique to attract the attention of his lovely wife Alex Curran while relaxing in Miami. See more pictures of Mrs Gerrard here.

Over in Italy, former Miss Ireland Claudine Palmer is enjoying her honeymoon with brand new hubby Robbie Keane. He’s in the photo waving at the camera, but the wee lad only comes up to her shin. See more of Claudine here.

More WAG holiday madness after the jump…

AC/PC’s privacy invaded yet again. Oh well.

Last week we saw young Ms Clancy parading around a Caribbean beach in a tiny bikini (available from H&M for £18, according to the laydeez at Kickette), but now she’s decided to cast it aside and wave goodbye to tan lines. A wise decision, I think you’ll agree.

See the fun version of the picture above and plenty more here and here

So that’s it then? It’s really over?

At last, after all the backing and forthing, toing and froing, jibbering and jabbering, Cristiano Ronaldo has finally come out and admitted that he just wants to go to Real Madrid.

“I would like to play for Real Madrid, but only if it is true that they are ready to pay what Manchester United ask of them, however it does not depend on me,” he told Terra, a respected Brazilian website.

Natalie Rooney wants the world to see her boobs once again

Remember the girl who flashed her breasts to the press at Coleen McLoughlin’s 21st birthday party? It is still unclear which finishing school she attended, but her name is Natalie Rooney, she is Wayne’s cousin and she’s now planning to launch a career in glamour modelling.

The subtle eighteen year old, who has been banned from the Rooney wedding because Coleen ‘thinks she is a chav’, has made the shrewd decision to divert attention away from her mouth by increasing her bust size to a 34F. Yet no amount of surgical enhancement could stop her dropping the following nuggets of wisdom