For fans of the best show on television, The Apprentice, here is a rare treat - glimpses of waffle-mouthed Lee McQueen singing entire sentences without saying “that’s what I’m talking about” and whooping in people’s faces. Granted, the clip is a little bit long, and, Arsenal fans, it might be wise to cover your delicate ears with soundproof silk.

Hope everyone enjoyed the summer - those were two pretty hot days. But don’t wrap up and sit patiently for Christmas just yet, there’s still some movement on the transfer market. Here’s the latest…

Steven Gerrard to Inter Milan
If Crouch is worth £15 million, Benitez probably has Gerrard at around £9 zillion. Inter might need to go back with their £25 million and come back with something a little more realistic, huh Rafa?

Aliaksandr Hleb to Barcelona
Spagetti-legged Hleb is so keen to get away from Arsenal that he’s apparently ready to fork out millions to get out of his contract. All the talk has been of Inter, until today when someone from Barcelona coughed and everyone got suspicious. Spill the beans, Hleb.

Oh look, it’s almost the end of the season, and that’s when everyone starts applauding each other and shouting “good game, good game”, full of the joys of spring. Well, not over here at The Spoiler. Oh no. We’re still livid with some of the Premier League’s so-called “players”. This XI, for example, should be ashamed of themselves.

GK Petr Cech (Chelsea)
Such is the increasing nature of his facial injuries that most people expect Cech to play next season wearing a gimp mask. That aside, he’s spent most of 2007/08 busily sabotaging his reputation as the world’s best goalkeeper by setting up goals for Jonathan Woodgate in the Carling Cup final, and Ryan Babel in the Champions League.

DL John Arne Riise (Liverpool)
There was a time when Riise was synonymous with blistering shots bursting through the net and into someone’s face in the crowd, but this season he’s been more of an own goal specialist, with a stonker against Luton, and a bitch of a bouncer in the Champions League.

DC William Gallas (Arsenal)
Arsenal captains are strong proud men like Tony Adams and Patrick Viera, not whimpering cretins who flump off the pitch in tears or stage sit in protests for no reason whatsoever. A manchild.

DC Kolo Toure (Arsenal)
Toure was doing a fantastic job until he sloped off to Africa in January and lost all of his confidence. He then returned to Arsenal and started gifting people goals willy-nilly.

With Berbatov bound for the exit, it looks like Ledley King - aka. Mr Tottenham - could be joining him.

The feeling is that Ramos is going to spend the summer refashioning the team that he inherited from Martin Jol. Rumours have been flying around that Lennon, Huddlestone and Jenas will all be surplus to requirements at the new look Spurs, and now, by not confirming King as next season’s skipper, it looks like the Ramos overhaul is going to be even more gigantic than expected.

And who could blame him?

As excellent evening programmes like Location, Location, Location prove beyond any reasonable doubt, moving house is an almighty bummer, and if you didn’t have people working for you - preferably a smug man in a suit, and a horsey woman who you probably ‘would’ - it would be even worse. So much red tape. And what the hell is stamp duty anyway?

Which leads usefully to Jermaine Jenas, he who has been so richly gifted with football skills, and yet is currently in the throws of a massive house move

The best sports programming on the telebox tonight

Fancy watching some of the Premier League’s brightest stars light up half empty stadiums on pitches that look like an unkempt back garden in August? Well, look no further than today’s

Eccentric old Garth Crooks, providing some late night analysis of Spurs/ Manchester City on the Sunday MOTD in his inimitable elderly-bachelor-talking-to-a-stupid- foreigner style, insisted on pronouncing the surname of Spurs fullback Pascal Chimbonda as Chimp-onda. Was this just an unfortunate error, or is Garth right and everyone else wrong? Probably the latter.

The best sports programming on the telebox this evening

It doesn’t take much to be labelled a ‘tactical mastermind’ these days. Where once men like Gustav Sebes and Rinus Michels earned the honour by inventing completely new ways of playing football, now all that’s needed is an enigmatic press conference