Angry Arsene demands that his players grow

Frenchman Arsene Wenger decided that the reason Arsenal lost to Hull City on Saturday was down to size and declared: “I believe that we have more a size problem than quality in our defending problem.”

Wenger, bubbling with fury, was incensed by conceding yet another goal from a set piece. “Our centre backs are not very tall. I don’t know what we can do… as a team we are a bit short.”

Might The Spoiler suggest buying someone who isn’t a dwarf/elf/child?

Remember, you heard it here first

Much like the shoddily-staffed CTU building in 24, the Arsenal camp is not without its moles. Here’s the latest from our man behind closed doors:

1. Thierry Henry has already had two offers from British clubs. One of these may be the Gunners.

2. Fabregas will be captain next season.

3. Everyone at Arsenal hates Jens Lehmann (a bit like everyone else, then).

4. Adebayor and Toure got into a bout of dressing room fisticuffs following the Champions League defeat at Anfield, and had to be separated.