Mr Chelsea to get his own ‘Glorified Garden Shed‘

Over the past few months, Chelsea fans have been worried that their captain would move to a bigger house worth even more money, but John Terry has officially confirmed that he will be staying at his current residence after being offered a considerable improvement to his domestic situation.

Hilarious allusions to transfer speculation aside, Mr Chelsea has won permission to devalue his neighbours’ property by constructing a huge personal gym. The Mirror sez:

The 28-year-old England and Chelsea captain has been given the nod to build an extension to his £2.25million house for a gym, pool, sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi.

Residents in Oxshott, Surrey, had objected to the move, but council chiefs gave him the go-ahead.

A pal said: “John’s delighted. He’ll have all the keep-fit facilities he needs to get in shape for the World Cup next year.”

Thank God JT has been given the opportunity to keep fit at home. How on earth would he have coped just using the multi-million-pound state-of-the-art Chelsea training ground that he visits every day?

German midfielder forced to ride a bicycle or something

In light of his fervent popularity among Chelsea fans, Michael Ballack has been selected to star in Adidas’ latest viral ad.

Keep your eyes peeled around the ten second mark to see the referees’ favourite sporting Chelsea’s brand new Robocop-style home kit.

The Bayern Munich prankster strikes again

When Bayern Munich opened their Bavarian headquarters to the public, French prank artist Franck Ribery took the opportunity to test Luca Toni’s pain threshhold.

Mad props to Bild for adding an assortment of hi-larious doorbell noises to the incident.

Mildly interesting Spoiler fact: Bayern’s training facility, upgraded at the behest of Jurgen Klinsmann, now includes a café, a library, an “e-Learning room”, and a family room. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Cobham.

West Ham fans miss their first win over Chelsea in six years

The Spoiler can’t stand the monotony of international breaks where nothing ever happens in the week building up to the game and it looks like Chelsea and West Ham feel the same way.

Gianfranco Zola and Steve Clarke took a group of players who aren’t off gallivanting with their national teams - including Luis Boa Morte, Kieron Dyer and Savio - to Chelsea’s Cobham training ground to have a kickaround with the likes of Alex, Florent Malouda and Ricardo Quaresma.

The Hammers were 4-2 victors thanks largely to youngster Junior Stanislas but any sense of achievement in beating the Blues for the first time since 2003 was tempered by the fact Ray Wilkins was managing the opposition.

Keane and Bentley can barely contain their excitement

Thanks to Popbitch for the spot

Brazilian midfielder adopts casual dress code

All over the country, Premiership players are trying to out do each other when they arrive at their respective training grounds: some will have flash new cars, some an incredibly tasteless and expensive watch, and many will brag that they have joined the “done it with Danielle Lloyd” club.

Manchester Utd’s Anderson, however, clearly isn’t a fan of keeping up with the proverbial Joneses, as the 20-year-old recently turned up at Carrington in a pair of fluffy blue slippers. His reasoning? Quite simply, he prefers them to shoes.

Edwin van der Sar said: “From his head to his ankles is fine, but when you look at the slippers you think ‘wow!’”, and Owen Hargreaves agrees that his footwear is “outrageous”.

Alex Ferguson also made a comment, but no one could understand him. You’re not alone, Nemanja Vidic.

Liverpool captain enjoys training ground treat

There are worse jobs in life than being a physio for a Premier League football club, but on the days where Stevie G requires a ‘tune-up’ in his gentleman’s region, Liverpool’s muscle expert probably wishes he still worked at David Lloyd.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

If Jermain Defoe contracts TB, you’ll know why

For many years, Portsmouth have trained at a rather humble sports ground in Eastleigh (where incidentally, I use to see Harry et al on a regular basis while playing football at university). Now, however, they have permission to move to a site at Lee-on-the-Solent, which is ten times the size and worthy of housing a club with international ambitions.

Permission was only granted, however, on the condition that the club protect wildlife on the site, mainly consisting of badgers.

So, if you see Harry Redknapp rocking a black and white creature to sleep, or Peter Crouch roaming around Hampshire setts with a torch late at night, fending away foxes and unscrupulous gangsters with large dogs, don’t be alarmed.

Spoiler bonus: If you haven’t seen this, you’re clearly not using the internet properly.

[Portsmouth News via Unprofessional Foul]