Gareth Barry is still working on his ‘Mr Popular’ reputation by getting himself banned from Aston Villa’s training ground. According to The Times, he is reluctant to put in an official transfer request as he will miss out on loyalty payments. And who is more deserving of loyalty payments than the man who has insisted that he wants to leave his current employers high and dry?
Elsewhere, Arsene Wenger is leading the race to see the spectacle of Andrei Arshavin sign a contract while looking in the opposite direction, and it will cost The Gunners around £15m for the privilege…
Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
AC Milan conceded defeat in the pursuit of the Arsenal striker yesterday, but Barca have upped their bid.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: His head may have been turned
Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal
If Barca break the bank for Adebayor, then maybe they won’t need Arshavin, leaving Arsenal to replace the Togolese striker and have some money to spare.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Chelsea may also bid - Abramovich has allegedly demanded a Russian.
Samuel Eto’o/ Florent Malouda exchange
Malouda is officially a flop after one season, and at Chelsea you rarely get a second chance.
All the latest transfer rumours, gossip and damn lies
The mire of spurious summer transfers has thrown up an interesting player/ club combination today: according to the rumour vine, Andriy Shevchenko could be on his way to warming Barcelona’s bench in the near future. To compensate for selling approximately 57 attacking players this summer, Barca want to bring the Ukrainian in on a season-long loan, which means they pay no transfer fee but Chelsea get him off the wage bill. With the Milan option fading, he may just have to take this one.
Emmanuel Adebayor to Chelsea
New stories every day tell us the same stuff about Ronaldo, Ronaldinho and Drogba, so it’s nice to see the press get more inventive. Chelsea want shot of Drogba and it seems they view Adebayor as the perfect replacement.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Surely he won’t do an Ashley Cole
Robbie Keane to Liverpool
Could a (reasonably) big club have finally realised Robbie Keane is one of the best strikers in the Premier League and that despite Berbatov’s moments of brilliance, Keane works harder and is more consistent?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: May want to stick around at Spurs this season
Gareth Barry to Liverpool
One transfer saga that definitely looks
Today’s transfer gossip, assessed and dissected just for you
Precious little Alex Hleb last month claimed his sensitive eardrums couldn’t handle the bustle of urban life in London, and he now seeks a more serene atmosphere. If the rumours of a move to Barcelona are true, however, he will find anything but the peace and quiet he seeks: in the Catalan city, honking at all hours is considered a national pastime, shouting is the preferred method of communication and the bars are completely full of loutish British stag parties every weekend. Enjoy the relative calm of London while you can, Alex.
Alex Hleb to Barcelona or maybe Bayern Munich
The honeymooning star has been linked with absolutely everyone in the past few weeks, even Rushden and Diamonds have a shot at landing him. His agent says: “The only transfer Alexander is making at the moment is from the hotel to the beach and back.”
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’ll be linked to AC or Roma tomorrow
Gareth Barry to Liverpool
Those Real Madrid-esque bullies, using Steven Gerrard as bait, have finally turned Barry’s head and the Villa captain has told his club he wants out. Liverpool are expected to up their offer today.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems likely now
Justin Hoyte to Aston Villa
A miserable day for Villa fans may get worse if they sign Arsenal’s other Englishman. You know, the guy that plays even less than Theo Walcott and sometimes gets in the Arsenal League Cup team.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If it gets any bleaker, O’Leary will be back!
Luis Felipe Scolari to Chelsea
“Big Phil” has revealed
And so Big Brother kicks off again tonight, supposedly featuring a whopping sixteen new faces for you to fantasise about destroying/licking. All of them are sure to have one thing in common - their friends describe them as “wacky” or “bubbly”, or any other such made-up term to avoid saying what they really think. They’re cretins, and “wacky” is just another word for “cu… what’s that? Transfer news? Oh go on then…
Xabi Alonso to Juventus
Imagine standing silently in the room watching your ex-girlfriend heavily petting with her new man - she left you damn it! Great, now your blood is actually boiling. Okay, now put the plank down, take a breath, rinse the sweat from your shirt, and times that feeling by two - that’s exactly how Alonso will feel when Barry trots into Anfield next season. Xavi, go, don’t look back. Run like the wind.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’ll go
Aliaksandr Hleb to Barcelona
Silly Hleb, he was only going to Italy for the paella, now he’s realised it’s a Spanish dish! What a wally! Or, more accurately, Mourinho doesn’t seem keen, Barcelona do.
All of today’s rumours, translated from Portuguese
Well done Chelsea - after striking the fear of God into everyone for ages, the mask appears to have slipped. Roman didn’t get his wish of a winning final in Russia, all the best managers are giving them a wide berth, and what are the chances of Lampsie, the Drog-man, and even snarling Mikey Essien heading out east to lick pasta sauce from Mourinho’s chin next season? Pretty high, many would argue. And, it doesn’t end there…
Ashley Cole to Inter Milan
Mourinho had quite some effect on the Chelsea players, a bit like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society - you know, where the young boys find rebellion through poetry? Heart wrenching film, that one. Williams doesn’t crack a single gag. Anyway, in a similar vein, Ashley Cole might move towards Mourinho, if people waft enough money stink his way.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Time to alienate Italy, Ashley?
For fans of Britain’s Got Talent, The Spoiler is backing either the kid who keeps moaning that people want to hit him because he sings like Aled Jones, or the long faced street urchin who bodypops. Not - make this clear - the Cheeky Monkeys, who might look like wonderful little toddlers but are, in fact, total cretins. Vote them OUT! And, in other big news, today’s transfers are another hot potato…
Michael Johnson to Everton
Why play sexy football with Arsenal or Liverpool when you could play thump-and-smash with Everton? That’s probably exactly what David Moyes said to young Michael, who joins the rest of the Man City squad of headless chickens in frantically running away from gun-waving maniac Thaksin Shinawatra.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Sorry Everton, but the new Steven Gerrard looks destined for one of the Big Four.
Richard Dunne to Tottenham
Ramos’ plan to buy every single defender in the world is starting to take shape. Only hundreds more to go, Juande.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would be guaranteed a starting place, as King and Woodgate take it in turns to rest their weeping heads on matron’s womanly bosom.
Somehow - no one is quite sure how - Spurs have managed to lure “The New Ronaldinho”, Giovani Dos Santos, away from Barcelona, and from right under the noses of Inter Milan who were looming large, ready to scoop up the young Mexican.
All today’s transfers in a scroll down listy thing
Think about it: Italian men always seem to be wearing hair product, they probably look at us and wonder why we don’t bother. Well, riddle over, Italian friends - you obviously haven’t heard of something called rain. It’s a watery substance that Ricardo Carvalho can give a talk on next season when he’s at Inter. Perhaps by way of introduction? Oh, and speaking of transfers…
Ricardo Carvalho to Inter Milan
Like an obedient young robot, wherever Mourinho goes, Carvalho is programmed to follow. Luckily for him, that means paying a visit to the food capital of pizza and chips - Italy.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who could say no to Jose?
Shaun Wright-Phillips to Portsmouth
Portsmouth are willing to fork out £10 million on Shaun Wright-Phillips, whose only skill is to run fast. Harry, you could get Dwain Chambers for a bag of drugs and a quid.
While the football season ended about a week ago, Rafa Benitez had built up so much talking momentum that his mouth has failed to stop, and the last few days have seen him overheard by passers-by droning about how he wants more money, and Wenger’s an idiot, and he’s the boss of the best team ever, and the world is cruel. He wants money! More money! Arrrrrggggghhhhh!…. shut up, Rafa. Shut up and read.
Samuel Eto’o to Chelsea
Having previously failed to sign Luka Modric, it really looks like Chelsea are keen to lose all of Tottenham’s transfer targets. At this rate Spurs might start thinking they’re a big club. What’s that? They do already? Very funny.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This one could depend on Frank Rijkaard
Frank Lampard to Inter Milan…again The Daily Mirror seem to be on top form again. On the very same day that every other paper leads with the story that Roberto Mancini will reject Chelsea and stay at Inter, the Mirror report that Jose Mourinho is definitely off to Italy and Lampard will be joining him. Those people are either way ahead of the game, or stuck in April.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Hmmmmmmmm
All of today’s rumours in one easy-to-use list thing
Well that’s it, the football seasons have ended throughout Europe… sorry, hang on, what’s that Scotland? Yours hasn’t finished? Hmmm, is it going to be Rangers or Celtic? Well, there’s a shock. Some might argue that your football season never really starts or ends. But enough of this zany metaphysical talk, what’s been going on in Transfer Land?
Frank Lampard to Inter Milan
Whenever it sounds like Jose Mourinho is close to picking up his sheriffs badge and polishing his six shooter, ready to rejoin the world of the employed, everyone starts frothing at the mouth and insisting that, well, that’s it, Lampard and Drogba will definitely be going to Italy after all. He’s not their dad, you know.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Simple maths? Probably not, Columbo.
Mario Gomez to Newcastle
There is talk of Germany’s new star joining the pantheon of greats, like Jon-Dahl Tomasson, Albert Luque, Alan Smith, Warren Barton… the list is very long.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: One word Mario: don’t do it!
