Reserve right-back decides to unsettle his teammates and fans

In case you weren’t aware, former Arsenal defender Lauren is still at Portsmouth and while he hasn’t started a league game since April, he is still available to perform the service of destablising everybody at the club.

Lauren was randomly selected by Spanish sports paper AS to give his opinion on Lassana Diarra’s proposed transfer to Real Madrid and the Cameroonian revealed that Diarra won’t be the only player leaving Fratton Park next month.

“The team is dismantling itself and big sides are coming. Diarra is not the only one

All the latest gossip compiled in one handy list

(Photo Credit: Owen Humphreys/PA Wire)

The least shocking of this morning’s revelations is that “friends” of Sam Allardyce have confirmed that he is interested in the Sunderland job. Considering these “friends” have already told the press that he would be interested in managing Blackburn, Portsmouth and his local corner shop (probably), it should now go without saying that will take any job he can get.

Gallas: I feel humiliated
That’s the headline in today’s Sun for a story where a close relative of William Gallas (his aunt’s stepson’s second cousin?) revealed that he has no friends at Arsenal, feels humiliated and hopes to join Milan in January.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Arsenal can’t afford to lose their best centre-back unless there’s a replacement lined up

Fowler decides to stay at Blackburn

The whispers from the grapevine…

While Joe Cole sits silently in his mansion, lonely tears spattering newspaper reports insisting that Robinho is on his way over to spoil his Chelsea party, everyone else is having a great time! Here’s today’s transfer news…

Jonathan de Guzman to Arsenal
A lot of Arsenal fans are worried that, Cesc Fabregas aside, their midfield would be better served by a clan of sopping wet flannels and a sponge. So what better way to calm their addled minds than by signing Canadian-born Dutchman de Guzman, who sounds a bit like the podgy Hollywood tough guy Luis Guzman? Nice move, Wengertron.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Arsenal fans won’t hold their breath.

Mido staying put
After cutting out the carbs and only surviving on *egg yokes, spinach leaves and tofurkey (like tofu, but turkey), Mido looks great, and has scored in his first three games this season. Hence, the bruisers at Wigan are keen to have him bring a little sparkle to their dressing room, but Gareth Southgate has told him he’s going nowhere. Not yet.

Sweet Baby Joseph, it is HOT outside. It’s all ice lollies, hand held electronic fans and bikinis in this office. But don’t be fooled, we’re not just keeping ourselves cool, there’s also work to be done. Today’s transfers read like this:

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
So long are Crouch’s spindly spiders legs that he’s somehow managed to score thirteen goals this season - all from his seat in the dugout. Just imagine how he’d get on if he was actually playing. Word is, Portsmouth have been doing exactly that.

Michael Kightley to West Ham
Despite the fact that Alan Curbishley headed straight into hiding after getting humiliated by Man United, the gossips at the Mirror have been heard going on and on about how he wants the Wolves winger, and by Jimmy he’s going to get him.