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Memo to famous people - if you must spend time with prostitutes, take a few minutes beforehand to get your story straight in case the police get involved. The Brazilian Ronaldo, you may recall, found himself soaked in infamy last week when the ladies of the night he contracted to help him get over “a silly fight” he’d had with his girlfriend turned out to be trannies with an appetite for blackmail.

As a result, “Il Fenomeno” found himself having to talk to one of Brazil’s top talk shows - “Fantastico” - last Sunday to clear up the public’s confusion about why one of their sporting legends and lover of many great beauties should have time in his diary for such creatures,

The great centre forward, sitting in his mother’s garden and not feeling particularly fantastico himself after spending the week crying, said “I did something really stupid and now my image is going to be stained for ever because of this incident. I let myself down and made a grave mistake.”

“I caused a problem that has had huge international repercussions. The biggest mistake was to

Amazingly, it’s the other Ronaldo this time

When it comes to hiring ladies of the night, AC Milan’s Ronaldo has so much to learn from the Portuguese man-o’-sex. When C-Ron has a ‘prostitute binge day’ (known to you and I as a ‘weekday’), he is quick to make sure the hired help do not have bigger cojones than he does. His Brazilian namesake, it seems, failed to perform such stringent checks.

The tubby striker picked up some ladies in Rio de Janeiro on Saturday night, but the motel room turned into an outright sausagefest when it transpired that both girls were transvestites. The former men