Premier League, Sunday, 1.30pm, Sky Sports 1, bet here

Newcastle “welcome” Sunderland this weekend, extending the hand of friendship to their near neighbours with the same warmth the people of Portsmouth showed when alerted of a paedophile in their midst a few years ago (and, as legend has it, a paediatrician. Near enough.) Crude daubings, scary chants and finger-across-the-throat-gestures should be the order of the day, which conveniently masks the fact that this is the highlight of Newcastle’s season. While Kevin Keegan may have successfully completed Task A - avoid the drop - his recipe for success still seems to be based on his enthusiasm “rubbing off” on the players, an almost medieval faith in these sports-scientific times. If Wisey and the rest of Mike Ashley’s mates don’t get busy in the transfer market this summer, and they’ve yet to show they know what they are doing, then the manager’s enthusiastic rubbings alone are not going to lift them toward glory, and this fixture will be their Cup Final for the next few years at least. The Wager suggests the trophy should be a bucket with a hole in it.

The statistics

* Kevin Keegan has managed Newcastle in four Tyne-Wear derbies and has won every time.

*Sunderland have failed to score in thirteen matches this season - only Derby have